“I, Koshi Rikdo, being of sound mind and body, (some of the time) hereby give any and all authors working on Bast!’s Anime Addventure the right to turn my creation of Excel Saga into a half-assed attempt at a new fanfiction thread, and will in no way be taking any part in the creative processes of these poor schmucks who think they have writing talent. After all, no use squeezing blood from a stone since I can’t sue these poor suckers for copyright infringement. They aren’t making money off of this endeavor.”
“HAIL LORD IL PALAZZOOOO!” The Senior Officer, given name of Excel, family name of Excel, or just Excel for short, saluted as she cried out the name of her destined true love, future ruler of the world, almost ruler of Fukuoka, (also known as F-City) and current ruler of this branch of ACROSS.
The Junior Officer, Hyatt, was less than enthusiastic about her pledge of loyalty to the platinum-haired, golden-eyed man sitting on a throne. “Haaaiiiilll Looord Iiill Paaa-AH! ACK!” And with a small trickle of blood coming from the corner of her mouth before she fell down dead, (for the third time that day).
Sitting comfortable on his lavish and cushy throne, despite some of his outfit being uncomfortable the man with golden feline eyes, long platinum blonde hair, and armor, (that was obviously taken from a cosplayer going the whole nine yards with dressing up as Magic Knight Rayearth’s Zagato) looked out to his two subordinates and told them seriously, “This earth is corrupt.”
“CORRUPT! YAY CORRUPTION! YAY! SMELLSLIKEOLDANDMOLDYSTINKYSOCKS!” Excel cheered, ignoring her need to take a breath of air as her arms out at either side of her and spinning.
His left eye twitching slightly, the evil Overlord didn’t let the Adult Attention Deficit-Disorderly take him off track this time. “As you both know, this city is completely corrupt. Pungent pollution, a population gone past its safe limit in numbers, and worst of all pompous politicians!”
“The three p’s! HISS!” Excel batted her right hand like a cat’s paw. Where she got the cat ears and tail from for the effect was unknown.
Nodding his head, as at least the hyperactive redhead one had yet to get off track yet, Il Palazzo said, “Yes, it is such a sad state of affairs that this city has fallen. But we cannot just sit around and concentrate on the miserable shortcomings of this city.”
“RIGHT!” Excel shouted. “We shall cute away the decay like a bowl of sashimi at a TGIFRIDAY’S!” Hey, don’t ask me what she meant. This is Excel. If you understand her, please commit yourself to the local mental institute, please.
His eye twitching, Il Palazzo repressed the reflex to reach out and grab the rope, which often lead to the opening of a trap-door beneath the offending ACROSS Agent. “No, Excel.”
Blinking her eyes repeatedly for a moment, Excel asked, “No?” She couldn’t believe it! Wasn’t it ACROSS’ solemn duty to free the ignorant masses of their own ignorance which kept that as ignorantly ignorant masses?
“No, Officer Toiler-Scrubber Excel,” Il Palazzo said as it was the most obvious thing. “It has come to the attention of the board of ACROSS that the Fukuoka Prefecture of Fukuoka City is beyond all redemption. Therefore, it must be left behind in the unification of the rest of the world.”
“Unification?” Excel considered that for a moment. Scratching her chin in curiousness, a light-bulb appeared above her head, sparking for a few minutes before finally turning on. “I GOT IT!” She shouted as she snapped her fingers, the bulb exploding out of existence. “Since they are not worth saving, we must have a Holocaust!”
The background turning into a red-hazed war-zone with the bones of her enemies littering the ground as swastikas covered the background, the redhead woman in white leather began to start singing... rather off-key... “Elimina~aaate! Extermina~aaate! Eviscera~aaate! Annihila~aaate! On their corpses I will defec~aaate and urina~aaate as if I had prosta~aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate...”
*SPLASH*!
His eye twitching considerably, Il Palazzo let go of the rope, causing the trapdoor in the floor to close. He then brought his hand to his face, pinching the bridge of his nose to try and avert the oncoming migraine he knew was coming.
“Uh... l-lord Ilpalazzo?” came the soft voice of the other officer of ACROSS whom was still on the floor, her hand only slightly making it off from the floor to wave at her superior to get his attention.
Raising an eyebrow, the leader of this small segment of ACROSS asked, “Why, what is it, Agent Hyatt?” He rather liked the woman. She was nowhere as annoying or as loud as his other operative.
“I-if we can’t save this city...” Hyatt started slowly as the blue-haired woman tried to ease herself up to a sitting position. “Does this mean that we~COUGH we’ll have to move operation to a city still salvageable?”
Grinning, the platinum man’s golden eyes shined for a moment. “I see you’re right on the uptake as always, officer Hyatt. You should be promoted for this.”
Smiling a small smile, Hyatt waved her hand and shook her head in a polite manner. “Oh no, no, Lord Il Palazzo. I was just making a suggestion, really.”
“Still, it is the right choice, Agent Hyatt,” Il Palazzo said seriously. “As this city is no longer of any use to use, we must go to greener pastures.”
“We are?” The blue-haired pale-skinned woman asked as she ever-so-slowly made her way back to a standing position.
Nodding his head, Il Palazzo said, “We are.”
It was then that the trap-door burst open, the redheaded green-eyed woman screaming in pain as she pulled herself up, along with a shark that was trying to eat her; the jaws right up to her waist. “Lord Il Palazzooooo! Your Excel is back!”
Blinking his eyes, the man rose his left arm and used his right hand to pull the sleeve back, revealing a Mickey Mouse watch. “Hmm, back five minutes earlier than expected. Good work, Agent Excel. Now Agent Hyatt won’t have to repeat your mission to you after I told her.”
Going starry-eyed at receiving even the smallest amount of praise from the man she worshipped, Excel grinned widely and said, “Only for you Lord Il Palazzo!” She grunted and slipped a little, but otherwise remained hanging on the edge of the trapdoor. “Wuh-what is the mission, Lord Il Palazzo?”
“We’re moving.”
Silence reigned over the room for a moment, with the exception of those that came from the shark grinding and gnashing its teeth against Excel’s fleshy bits. Even though it thrashed about, trying to get her to fall back down into the water, the female Agent of Across seemed otherwise intent on clinging to the floor of the room above the trapdoor.
Finally, the silence was broken with Excel speaking in a calm, yes, CALM voice. “We’re... moving?”
“Yes!” Il Palazzo said in a voice that carried a tone of authority. “We are moving operations to another prefecture!”
Considering that, Hyatt raised her hand to her mouth. “Oh my...” she then coughed, causing a large burst of blood to splatter past her fingers and drip down her forearm.
“Uh… excuse me?” Excel raised a hand to get her Il Palazzo’s attention, even if it meant she slipped a little. “Where will we be going?”
“It has been decided that we will move all operations to another city, which is obviously under the corruption of current man, but still malleable enough to cut away current decay and give it a fresh start.” A map of Japan dropped down from the ceiling. Placing his hand on the map, he turned to look at the place his finger touched. “We shall be moving from Fukuoka to...”
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(Posted Thu, 05 Oct 2006 15:55)
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