[Episode 183708] [Episode 183708]“I’ve died and gonsh to heaven,” Misato slurred, then proceeded to drown her happiness. Again.
“What are you doing, Dumkoff?”
“Chich, checking out my newsh Never Empty Beer Barrel™,” Misato answered proudly.
“Gott in himmel! How will that help conquer this world?”
“Hey! Yoush do it your waysh, I’ll doosh it mine…”
“Whatever. Hey, Shinji-kun, what are you doing, Lover?”
He had bronzed skin, muscles of iron, nerves of steel, brass b—, er, and a heart of gold. But it was flesh; all heavily-toned, hard-bodied, living, breathing, fleshy, fleshtype flesh. “Buh, wait! What did you just say?”
“Why are you checking yourself out, Honeybuns?” a leering Asuka repeated and targeted his buns. “Why don’t you let me do it for you?”
He had specified gaining the powers of Doctor Samson, not just the looks. So, being as he was the living incarnation of his favorite bronze-aged science fiction hero, who thus had the combination of the Olympic athletic physique of Flash Gordon and the mental prowess of Sherlock Homes, with doctorate degrees in eight areas of expertise, Shinji should have had the reflexes to avoid being groped, and the intellect to respond with a witty repartee.
“Gah!” was all he managed.
“Oh, get a room, you two,” Maya declared, enveloped them in a bubble of lime light, then levitated them into the teleporter shaft. An animated puppet hand dialed in the coordinated and the couple vanished. “Cool!” Maya exclaimed and admired her new emerald ring.
“I think ecchi things are bad!” declared the Marhoro combat maid unit on discovering level 696. Reincarnated after total systems failure only to find herself assigned to this was not a good sign.
The Roll Light maintenance unit looked down at her new form and just shrugged. She noted the action did interesting things to her new peripherals. “Oh, I don’t ecchi is particularly bad when you have the right hardware. … and the right partner. I understand that humans find it very pleasant. Correct K-19?”
“Affirmative, Mistress,” barked the droid, who didn”t see what the fuss was about.
“Buh… What?” Mahoro frowned and stared at her co-work-unit.
“I’ve researched sex,” Roll explained with earthy frankness. “With my male-designate units out having adventures in our old world, I had plently of time to study. It has a role in human health and fitness.”
“Ecchi is not bad?”
“I think ecchi is very good,” Roll insisted. “It serves a significant role in psychological and physical need withing the human species. It is also very entertaining.”
“Ecchi is good?” Mahoro felt an intense need to consult a knowledge base. It had to be data corruption.
“It is vital,” Roll insisted. “That’s why I”m glad we all got the full sexaroid upgrades.”
“We what!?” Mahoro demanded as the teleported flashed.
“Oh, we have our first customers!” Roll exclaimed. “K-19, are the holochambers ready for action?”
“Affirmative, Mistress,” the droid replied and wagged his antena.
“Gah! I just wanted you to be nicer to me, Asuka. Not… like… this… oh, like that! No, I mean… Someone help me!”
“Certainly, Sir!” Roll exclaimed and took him by the elbow. “Step right this way. Welcome to Level 696, Love Holodeck 5. What fantasy setting would you like, Sir, Ma’am? As you can see, we have scenes from this world’s movies and television shows.”
“Oh, ah, Gilligan’s Isle!” Asuka picked randomly from the samples scrolling across a display. It looked very tropical paradise.
“Excellent choise, Ma’am,” Roll beamed. “I always enjoyed watching that show too. Oh, with you in the role of Ginger and Sir as Gilligan? Or would you prefer Mary-Anne and the Professor?”
“Not helping!”
“Shut up, Shinji! Ah, Ginger and Gilligan?”
“Entering costume selection. Will that be all, or would Ma’am require assistance? My dark-haired companion can be programmed to play Mary-Anne, if you wish. We can summon someone to play the Professor or the Skipper too, if you prefer.”
“I can what?” Marhoro demanded.
“No!” Shinji insisted.
“Very well then,” Roll beamed and pushed the pair through an arch. “Please enjoy your stay in holochamber 1.” She smiled and waved as the soundproof door hissed closed. “What a nice pair of satisfied customers!”
“Perverts!”
“Affirmative, Mistress.”
“Can we get back to the battle?” a nervous Ranma asked.
“Anything you desire, Master,” Ritsuko breathed breathlessly.
Not asking why she was wearing flimsy gauze pantaloons, matching top, and veil, over a golden bra and panties –trying hard not to think about it, in fact– Ranma turned back to Maya and Rei #whatever. “What’s going on?”
“Oh, Ritsuko sneakily tried to make herself a goddess,” Maya replied. “So I changed it to a compulsive loyalty clause. It seems to have had an unexpected side effect.”
“The battle,” Ranma reminded her. “Focus, please. Nuclear war now, wish complications latter.”
“Are you sure about your priorities?” Maya wondered.
“The force field has absorbed the majority of the blast,” the Rei debriefed. “The skutters are cleaning up the residual radioactive material in the area with Rad Away™ canisters. They report that the chocobo pens are safely clear of contaminant. Unfortunately so too are the gai-kaju pens; there is no possibility of further mutation.”
“Right, good. And the other end?”
“The Nude Leer™ missiles exploded over the launch silo. No material damage observed on the surface; follow up probes report extensive fabric dishabille, and severe bouts of ecchiness is distracting the combatants and non-combatants in the region. Shall I project the remote camera observation on the monitor.”
“No! No, thank you,” shuddered Ranma, who really, really wished she had said “itchiness”. Unfortunately it was too late for wishes to have an effect. Or was that a good thing?
“However,” Maya continued. “That was only one launch site and surrounding area up to a one hundred kilometre radius. It is likely that those who actually issued the command remain unaffected. Hopefully they will have gotten the message, but don’t cross your fingers.”
“The surveillance jet is returning but taking no hostile action,” Rei reported. “Priny team 7 is keeping it under observation. The murphyonic anti-aircraft gun is locked on just in case.”
“Hey, how’d she know we were priny team 7, dood?”
“Right, then,” Ranma decided. “Keep doing that. Anyone else shoots us, shoot back with the nudie missile, or whatever. Okay, quickly, what is the status of everything else?”
“We… don’t know,” Hyuga repeated. “Androids are being assigned to the new facilities more or less at random as they come on line. Half the androids now appear to be people. Er, some of the people have also become androids… or other things. It’ll take some time to sort everything out.”
“Good! Take the time,” Ranma delegated and stepped up to the teleporter. “I’m going to have my nap, now, before anything else can happen. Bye, bye.”
“Balah! What a day,” Ranma sighed as he stepped off the transmat pad and looked around his chambers. His really luxurious chambers. “Ah! Just what the doctor ordered. A nice comfortable bed!”
Floating loyally behind him, Doctor Ritsuko Akagi nodded in happy agreement. It was just what she had in mind.
“I still can’t believe you’re working for a diabolical conspiracy to take over the world,” Ami accused as she, he, her fellow senshi in disguise, and Naru, all stepped out of the elevator into an office reception area.
“I keep telling you, it’s a typical international corporation that operates legally and above board,” Umino quoted his briefing. And if he’d known it would surround him with four of the cutest girls in school, and two cuties not even from his school, he’d have joined one earlier.
“Wait!” Laharl cried. “You haven’t done the next episode thing in ages. What are you two up to?”
“You wanted Flonne and me to play matchmaker, remember?” Etna called back from somewhere in the castle.
“Oh, right. How’s that going anyway?”
“Oh, er, uh,” Flonne answered quickly and uninformedly. “Right! Stay watching Disgaeaed! when …”
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(Posted Tue, 13 Feb 2007 23:08)
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