Ranma lay back in bed, snoring bubbles. Doctor Ritsuko Akagi sat near by, hovering over the little red haired boy. Litterally hovering that is. He was obviously exhausted after the runarround, but would soon awaken and she could get down to the task of serving him.
If the little red haired boy had been older, she might have meant that in a whole other way than mothering him with a healthy breakfast, fresh change of clothes, and a nice warm bath to start the day.
“Okay. What do we do now?” Maya asked the bridge crew.
“The same thing we’ve been doing since we got here,” answered Rei #141. “Try to take over the world!”
“Yeah, but where do we start? Hey are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
“Probably not, but can we launch the Nude Leer Missile™ at a public beach just for kicks?”
“Hell no!” Maya exclaimed. “Well, maybe latter. Anyway, right now we should check in on the franchises that were created.”
“This is the best thing about being a dark general,” Gurio Umino explained followed the secretary of death through the door in the back of his office. The six girls expected the doorway to lead to a file closet, or maybe a walkway across the alley behind the building, or such like. That wa quo;Okay, what other quote–perfect ordinary company–unquote has all that!?” Makoto Kino demanded while making finger-quote guestures for added emphasis.
“It’s quite common practice, really,” Rei A. responded seriously. “Competition is tough these days so we need to be prepared for hostile takeovers and such.”
“The heck…” frowned Minako Aino. “Hostile takeovers do not involve raids by giant robots!”
“They could,” Gurio defended, lamely but loyally.
“Our biggest competitor in the field appears to be Murishima Heavy industries,” Rei A. supplied helpfully.
“How on Earth, or anywhere else, did they even fit all that in here?” Ami Mizuno demanded with a twitch of her eyebrow.
‘All that’ was a hangar sized garage filled with urban assault tanks, giant humanoid robots, and assorted other vehicles that, somehow, was not overhanging most of the surrounding city the way it should had it followed the four laws of Euclidean geometry.
“Why doesn’t it follow the four laws of Euclidean Geometry?” Ami’s curiosity demanded.
“Oh, you know perfectly well the fourth law is completely optional,” Rei A. chided. “Non-euclidean geometry is perfectly valid. Anyhow, our offices simply employ time and relative dimension in space technology to overcome zoning problems for taxation purposes,” Rei A. thought she explained.
“Huh?” bubbled Usagi Tsukino.
“She means they use space warps, Dummy,” Rei Hino sighed, “and creative accountancy to evade land use taxes.”
“Actually we mostly use the creative accountancy to prove that space is not only warped, but totally bent,” Rei A. corrected.
“That’s just more obfuscating technobabble!” Ami. M. protested.
“Don’t get so worked up over it,” Naru O. advised. “Why we live in a world where magical girls attack silly monsters all the time, and cats can talk. Anything can happen!”
“Is that a battleship in the far corner?” gapped Makoto K., pointing off to the dry docks in the distance. ‘Mommy!’
“Shaped like a giant turtle, no less,” Naru O. added. “Some of the designs are a little…”
“Yes! That is Battleship Tortoise,” Rei A. exclaimed with pride. “It’s an excellent design that combines the advantages of a fighter carrier with those of a submersible tank. Don’t worry, we mostly use it for diakaju control! Or will, once we get the bugs out of the engine design.”
“I was going to say wacked,” Naru O. muttered.
“It wasn’t quite what I was expecting, when I signed up,” Gurio U. admitted. “Well, I dunno what I was expecting, but… Cripes, that thing’s huge!”
‘None of our other enemies ever had transformable battleship-slash-tank-slash-subs,’ Makoto K. protested softly. ‘… or giant atomic lizards. Well, there was that one dragon, and we totally kicked her arse, but…’
“Nevermind that,” Minako A. demanded, “I want to know why that giant robot thing looks like me!”
“The Noble Gundam’s design is just a cosmic coincidence, I”m sure,” Rei A. stated.
“Actually, I think it looks more like Sailor Venus,” Gurio interupted and began to drool. “Oh, giant robot magical girls…”
“Now that you mention it,” Minako A. began nervously. “It does kind of, but she’s not here and uh and I am. I mean…” –‘Quick, dummy, change the topic!’– “What the hell are you thinking, you little pervert?”
“However, the resemblance to you dressed in idol singer garb has been noted,” Rei A. continued blithely, otherwise ignoring the girl choking her boss, “and we plan to make full use of the Nobel Gundam’s Public Relations potential. Since we already have the right to use your image, it’s an opportunity too good to pass.”
“How exactly?” Minako A. demaned amid throttle.
“We want our troops to go into battle with an easy heart,” Rei A. explained, placing her hand over her chest plate. “Being lead by the songs and image of a teen idol will lift their spirits and demoralise the enemy!”
“I’m fairly sure the enemy won’t be defeated just because Minako sings at them,” Rei H. stated dryly.
“Yes, they’d need your singing for that!” Usagi T. exclaimed cheerfully.
“Shut up, Usagi!” growled the maligned priestess.
“Exactly what enemy?” Minako A. demanded, not liking the idea one jolt. “Who do you expect to fight with these things?”
“Oh, it’s nothing to be concerned about,” Rei A. reassured her. “Like the Major told you, we expect to start with a few hostile takeovers of rival companies and small governments. Nothing out of the usual for a …”
“…typical international company…” echoed the girls.
“Right,” said Gurio U. with utter lack of conviction and adjusting his glasses. “Perfectly acceptable business tactics…”
“Exactly! It’s not like we’re a pirate company, or anything,” Rei A. agreed brightly. “Our business practices are all perfecty ethical and totally legal –well reasonably ethical––would you believe well intended– and anyway, we use ninja!”
“That makes no sense at all,” Ami M. declaired.
“No, see, ninja are way cooler than pirates, Ami-chan,” Usagi T. explained. “Everyone knows that!”
“And now, moving on to other matters,” the pale secretary of death announced.
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(Posted Sat, 16 Jun 2007 19:15)
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