Human once again, Genma stood in the dojo plotting his next move. As soon as Akane agreed to learn the Bakusai Tenketsu (and how could she conceivably refuse?), he’d need to get Soun on board—that would be simple. Then, when that was done, he simply had to figure out how to prevent the interference of his well-meaning but sadly misinformed progeny.
“Hey, Pops.”
When Genma turned around to see his son looking at him with a smile on his face, he knew he was in trouble. For this smile was not of the “I’m so happy to see you again, father” variety—Ranma had been rather stingy with that type for a few years now. No, this was an “I’ve got you cornered and I’m going to get you so good that I’m smiling in advance” smile. Genma swallowed hard before answering, “What is it, boy?”
“What’s this I hear about you tryin’ ta teach my sister-in-law the Bakusai Tenketsu?”
“Now, see here, boy, I know you might feel jealous because I’m giving her a move—”
“Jealousy ain’t got nuthin’ ta do with it!” Ranma shouted. “The Bakusai Tenketsu is dangerous, and Akane’s as much my family now as you are. I ain’t lettin’ you just go off an’ do somethin’ stupid ta her just ’cuz ya feel like doin’ it.”
“Well, how else am I supposed fix today’s misunderstanding?”
“What?”
“You know, that misunderstanding with the birth control and whatnot.”
This, quite frankly, was the kind of thing that Ranma never expected to hear (at least not from his father, anyway). “Whoa, hold up. Ya mean yer actually sorry about what ya did?”
“No, I’m sorry that my intentions weren’t interpreted in a correct light—really, I’m looking out for your best interests here, boy.”
“An’ just how d’ya figure that?”
“Simple! If you have a child, that proves your manliness, and we don’t have to worry about that contract.”
“Mom tore up her copy of the seppuku contract six months ago, Pops. Or weren’t ya payin’ attention?”
“Paying attention to what?”
“Ta Mom. When she said she’d already made up her mind.”
“Oh… when was this?”
“Yesterday, when she came here.”
“Oh, that. I wasn’t really listening too closely. Too busy planning escape routes in case she decided to go through with the seppuku thing.”
“So, yer sayin’ you were so distracted by tryin’ ta avoid havin’ ta commit suicide that ya didn’t notice when she said ya didn’t have ta do it?”
“Well, now that I think about it, she might have said something like that… but I wasn’t sure I could believe it. You know how women are—their ideas can suddenly shift at a moment’s notice, and then they start obsessing about some minor impulse.”
Ranma stared at his father as he proceeded to attribute to the female gender a description which fit himself remarkably well at times without even the faintest trace of irony. “Ugh. Maybe Nabiki’s right about you.”
“Huh? What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nuthin’ you gotta worry about.” Not yet, anyway. “I still ain’t gonna let ya do somethin’ like this ta Akane, though. Ya don’t even know how ta teach the Bakusai Tenketsu.”
Genma harrumphed in response. “That’s where you’re wrong, boy—I know exactly what to do.”
“Oh, yeah? And how d’ya figure that?”
“Because I’ve got the original scroll, of course,” responded Genma, who then proceeded to produce the scroll in question as proof.
Ranma’s expression shifted from “disbelieving” to “flabbergasted.” “Have you gone completely nuts, old man?! The Amazons’ll string ya up by yer intestines when they realize you stole one of their scrolls.”
“I didn’t steal it.”
“How’d ya get it then? Did ya decide ta ‘borrow without permission’ again?”
“Don’t be silly,” Genma responded, before he launched into the same excuse that he gave Akane, claiming that it was given to him in recognition of his superior martial prowess.
“Ooh… ‘prowess.’ Sounds like somebody found a thesaurus.”
“Shut up. The point is, it’s mine, and that’s that.”
“Funny, when Shampoo was talkin’ ta me—”
“If you could call that talking. I’ve heard worse accents from goats.”
“Hey, her Japanese is way better than my Mandarin—which in turn is miles ahead of yers.”
“Whatever. Just finish what you were saying, so I can disprove it.”
Ranma glared at his father once again. “As I was sayin’, when we were talkin’ about their traditions, she never said nuthin’ ’bout anythin’ like that.”
Genma didn’t even miss a beat. “Of course she wouldn’t! She didn’t want you challenging anyone for their moves.”
“Why the hell would they do that anyway?”
“What a silly question. Isn’t it obvious?”
“No.”
“Well… um… you see….”
“I’m waitin’.”
“Well, to put it simply, this is how they know when their moves are outdated. After all, once someone outside of their tribe figures out a way to beat it, then it’s of no use to them any more. So, they let go of that move, and develop another.”
“But if you already know how ta beat the Bakusai Tenketsu, why wouldn’t that also mean that you didn’t have no use for it?”
“I just told you their reasoning, boy. I never said it was good.”
“Uh huh.” Ranma still didn’t believe a word his father had said, but he’d long ago realized that there was no point in arguing with his old man when he got like this. “Well, I hope for yer sake this nutty story of yours is true, ’cuz if ya did steal it, that’d mean you’d be in for a world of hurt when they found out.”
Ha! “I assure you, boy, there is nothing to worry about.” Like those hussies are ever going to show up in Nerima.
“Achoo!” Xian Pu pulled out a handkerchief and blew her nose. “Ugh… if this keeps up, I’m going to need to see one of the healers before I leave.”
See other episodes by Kwakerjak
(Posted Fri, 23 Feb 2007 04:48)
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