Erotic Dreams: Choices [Episode 189819]

by Bub the Zombie

Ranma considered his options. Talking to one of his fiancees (including Kodachi) was completely out of the question. There was no telling how they would react to hearing about his dreams, but he didn’t want to risk it. Oh, he knew how Akane would react, of course. Said reaction would involve Ranma’s skull colliding with a large heavy object, if he was lucky that is.

Talking to Kasumi or Nabiki wouldn’t help either. Kasumi… he just couldn’t figure out how to explain his problem to her in a proper way. She was so innocent, he feared that he’d infect her with his perversions (that is what he considered his dreams to be, especially the bits about his mother).

Nabiki would probably understand, but knowing her, she’d just use the information as another way to extort money or favours for her.

His friends in school? Don’t even go there, he berated himself. Knowing how the school rumour mill worked he guessed that if he asked them about his problem, by sundown the same day the whole friggin’ town would know about his “special dreams”.

His parents and Soun wouldn’t be any help either. Soun would either totally shy away from Ranma trying to ask him about “the birds and the bees” or he’d react the usual way, namely by crying like a baby. He knew more than enough not to bother with his father, he was worse than useless in things like this. He still remembered when as a child, he’d asked his father about how babies came to the world. Genma had simply replied “You’ll understand when you’re older.” Ranma had a sneaking suspicion that had Nodoka been around the reply would’ve been “Ask your mother”.

Nodoka… his mom. God, how could he even begin to tell her? Hey mom, could you help me? Lately I’ve been having these weird dreams. They involve me with all the girls I know, doing… things, like, uh, sex and stuff. And, uh, you’re also in ‘em. What? No, you’re not watchin’, you, uh, participate in ‘em also.

Perhaps part of the problem was that he’d only known her for a relatively short time. That was another fact that his old man had kindly omitted from him, that his own mother was very much alive thank you very much. Indeed, the first time he (or rather she) had met her at the canal, he’d had no idea that the beautiful kimono-clad woman in her mid 30s was actually his mother. There was no denying it, she was quite the babe, even if he’d never say it out loud. Normally he might have fantasized about her, like he occasionally did over Miss Hinako. Problem was, the babe in question was also his mother.

So all this left only Dr. Tofu and Happosai as people to talk to. Now normally, there’d never even be hesitation about this. Tofu was cool in Ranma’s book, he knew all sorts of esoteric medical things, particularly pressure points but other stuff too. He was always good to talk to, well, when Kasumi wasn’t around, that is.

Happosai on the other hand was someone with whom Ranma would normally want nothing to do with. Many were the times he’d cursed that Genma and Soun hadn’t finished the job when they’d decided to get rid of the old freak years earlier. Granted, he wasn’t a mortal threat or anything but he definitely was as annoying as a skin rash that just wouldn’t go away. He was the pain on everyone’s collective backside. And his mind was a black hole of perversions that would probably freak out even the Chaos Gods of Warhammer.

Therein lied the rub. Much as Tofu knew about things medical, there was unfortunately a hefty chance that he wouldn’t know so much about psychological stuff. Also, if Kasumi happened to come in while Ranma was in the process of opening up to Tofu there was no telling what kinda crazy shit Tofu would do.

Happosai, for all his faults, was manageable. Give him a little bribe, and he’d be at your beck and call. Ranma suspected that his little story would itself be quite the bribe, but that couldn’t be helped. Since the old freak was already completely perverted, there was a chance that he’d know about these types of dreams and how to deal with them. Also, he tended to hoard things related to his perversions to himself instead of letting them out into the open, except for the panty raids, so Ranma didn’t have to worry about his secret getting out so much. And even if Happosai did blurt it out, it could be easily seen by everyone as just another attempt by him to cause chaos, or get revenge on Ranma by trying to defame him.

Having pondered a bit more, Ranma made up his mind. He would ask Happosai. Before he proceeded upstairs to the attic and Happosai’s quarters, he offered a silent prayer to the Gods and all of Creation, begging their forgiveness for what he was about to do.

As if in response, the skies rumbled in thunder and lightning.

“How odd, the weather report promised clear and sunny today” Kasumi mused on the porch.

“Thanks for the encouragement, guys” Ranma whispered sarcastically to the heavens.

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(Posted Sun, 01 Jul 2007 03:09)


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