In the time it had taken Kasumi to find the divine/demonic object of her desires, Shinji and Rei had managed to find the Tendo compound, meet up with Asuka, have an hour’s worth of enlightening conversation with the building’s permanent residents about the various moral, ethical, and metaphysical implications of the end to their highly acclaimed series (none of which will be recounted because, quite frankly, this author doesn’t give a rat’s ass about Neon Genesis Evangelion), and leave with their redheaded friend to continue their quest to find someone who could make their universe something other than a godforsaken hellhole. With these characters conveniently taken care of in a single sentence, the narrative could once again focus upon the regular cast members of Ranma ½, who were, at the moment, engaged in a friendly game of skill and chance played with a standard deck of 52 playing cards.
Ranma rubbed his upper lip with his finger as he examined his hand and pondered his next move. The decision he made now could very well tip the balance in his favor, or dash all his hopes of victory to pieces, never to be recovered. The martial artist very much wanted it to be the former—after all, Ranma Saotome never loses, even when he’s out of character.
“Any time now, Saotome,” Nabiki said with more than a hint of annoyance.
Nabiki was getting annoyed—good. That meant she was losing her cool. She wouldn’t be thinking clearly. Ranma decided that now was indeed the time to make his move. He plucked a card out of his hand—the one he’d been saving for the entire game—and laid it in the middle of the table.
“Diamonds,” Ranma said confidently.
Nabiki slammed her fist on the table in exasperation. “For the last time, Saotome, the game is No Limit Texas Hold ’Em Strip Poker, not Crazy Eights!”
“Ya mean there’s a difference?”
“I told you he wasn’t just bad at gambling because Takahashi-sama wrote him that way,” Akane said to her sister.
“No kidding.” Nabiki was really starting to regret suggesting this in the first place. How was she supposed to cheat Ranma out of his clothes when he was so incompetent that he didn’t need any assistance? That wasn’t any fun! “You know what? Why don’t we play 52-Card Pickup instead?”
“How d’ya play that one?”
Before Nabiki could demonstrate, however, the Tendo’s front door opened.
“I’m home!” chirped Kasumi’s enthusiastic voice as she closed the door behind her and entered the family room.
“Hi, Kasumi,” Akane said by way of greeting. “Did you get the tentacle sex you wanted?”
“No, but I found something even better!”
“Really,” Nabiki asked. “What is it?”
Kasumi produced the wonderful plastic rectangle she’d discovered. “It’s a laptop!”
Ranma looked somewhat confused. “So… what? It’s got a coupla gigs of porno stashed on it?”
“No… this is much better than porno.”
“Hentai flash games?”
“Nope. Think about it. I happened to stumble across a computer, in a thread like this….”
Nabiki suddenly realized what was going on. “Don’t tell me it’s…”
Her older sister grinned triumphantly. “The Master PC Program!”
The reaction was immediate, as a chorus of groans came from around the table.
“Not again…”
“This sucks.”
“What did I do to deserve this?”
Clearly, this was not the reaction Kasumi had been expecting. “What’s wrong?”
Nabiki’s rather curt response followed: “What’s wrong? Every time that thing ends up in Nerima, we inevitably turn into airheaded catgirl sluts!”
“And this is a bad thing… how?”
“Well, in my case, the nutjobs with the bimboization fetishes always make me so stupid that I practically lose sentience, plus I’m the one who gets singled out for the extra-degrading stuff, like eating garbage.”
“Plus there’s the compulsion to have sex with anything that wants it,” Akane added. “Spending my every waking moment trying to get pregnant is not my idea of a good time.”
“I don’t really mind the airhead slut part of it so much,” Ranma admitted. “What gets on my nerves is the catgirl thing.”
“Because you’re stuck as a cat the whole time? Or as a girl?”
“Um, neither, actually. I just think the whole thing with the six double-D breasts is weird. I mean, I know there’s a bunch of people inta huge boobs, but that’s just overkill. I mean, we’re talkin’ one set of double-Ds in the normal place, then another below that, an’ a third set at yer belly button! How the hell is that s’posed ta be attractive?! Ain’t nobody ever heard of ‘flat, sexy abs’?”
“Uh, Ranma, something tells me they probably weren’t visualizing quite that way,” Nabiki responded, but Ranma kept ranting.
“I mean, I understand how ya’d think the catgirl thing would translate inta multiple boobs, but why the hell do they all have ta be so damn big? Why not one set of double-Ds with two sets of A-cups beneath? At least then I wouldn’t look like I had two huge rolls of fat on my stomach.”
“Ranma…”
“I mean, I work out, dammit! I don’t want people thinkin’ I’ve let myself go like Pops! Besides, if they want enormous udders so bad, they should just made us inta cowgirls instead. At least then it would make sense. An’ while I’m at it—”
“Ranma!” Nabiki shouted.
This finally got the martial artist’s attention. “Huh?”
“I think we get the point. You think the six-breasted catgirl look is ugly.”
“Uh, yeah. Ain’t nothin’ more pathetic than an ugly slut.”
“Right.” Nabiki then turned her attention back to her older sister. “But Kasumi, I think you’ve forgotten something rather important.”
“Really? What’s that?”
“Well, eventually, a person who uses the Master PC inadvertently allows it to fall into the hands of one of their victims, who usually decide to retaliate against him or her for their degradation.”
“That’s sort of what I’m hoping for,” Kasumi said. “The people being controlled always get to do kinkier stuff than the ones doing the controlling. That’s why I brought it home without activating it; I was hoping to skip the part where I spend dozens of episodes falling from grace by just giving it to one of you guys outright.”
“Uh, okay, I can see the sense in that… almost,” Nabiki said. “But there’s something else.”
“Really? What?”
“The fourth wall’s down, remember? Everyone can choose whether or not they want to act according to their characterization, which means attempting to change their normal characterization isn’t actually going to do anything, except maybe piss them off.”
“Actually, that did occur to me,” Kasumi said. “But I think I’ve thought of a way around it.”
“Really? How?”
“Well, you know how pretty much every Master PC story eventually uses some sort of command that is supposed to make everyone think all the weird stuff going on is normal?”
“Yeah, that’s why I don’t think it’s going to work—right now, practically nothing is normal, so anything that seems normal is going to stick out like a sore thumb.”
“Well, I was thinking that instead of trying something like that, I’d just used the Master PC to give everyone in its radius a mind control fetish! That way, they’ll know what’s going on, but everyone will like it, so no one will try to stop me.”
“And what happens when they realize that the only reason they have a mind control fetish is because their minds are being controlled?” Akane asked.
“That’ll just turn ’em on even more,” Ranma said. “I gotta admit, Kasumi, that’s a pretty good solution ya got there.”
“Never underestimate the creativity of a horny woman,” Kasumi responded.
“Indeed,” Nabiki said. “Well, I’m willing to go along with it.”
“Ditto,” Ranma said.
Akane sighed. “I suppose I might as well join in,” she said. “It’s not like I’ll have a choice, anyway.”
“That’s the spirit!” Kasumi said. “So, how do we decide who gets to go first?”
“That’s easy,” Ranma said. “We just list our names in the options, and let the next writer choose.”
“But wouldn’t that be considered a fatesplit?” Akane asked.
“In an episode this long? I doubt it,” responded Nabiki.
“D’ya suppose we should get the rest of the cast here before we decide?”
“Nah,” Nabiki said. “That would just invite a cascade of fatesplits, and nobody likes those, except for spammers. Besides, the four of us are likely going to be the most popular candidates anyway.”
“Enough talking,” Kasumi said. “I wanna have sex.”
With that said, the four decided to give the laptop to:
Read the comments on this episode
See other episodes by Kwakerjak
(Posted Mon, 02 Jul 2007 17:07)
Questions? Problems? Suggestions?
Send a mail to addventure@bast-enterprises.de
or use the contact form.
らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
All other series and their characters are © by their respective creators or owners. No claims of ownership of these characters are implied by the authors of this Addventure, or should be inferred.
The Anime Addventure is a non-profit site.