Centuries upon centuries ago, on the Mercury of antiquity…
Princess Mercury sighed in frustration and closed the Royal Computer. She was dealing with something against which her Senshi powers and royal privileges were useless, that bane of computer users everywhere and everywhen: Constant frivolous update alerts. It seemed like the Mercury Computer notified her of new pointless downloads at least twice a week (Earth, not Mercury,) at least. In the timelines without Zodiac Senshi, she would send the Royal Academy of Computer Science, Technology, and Magic a rather nasty decree explaining that unlike much of their customer base, the Princess neither expected nor wanted a constant barrage of upgrades, and that the Royal Family of Mercury still reserved the right to order executions.
In those times with Zodiac Senshi, however…
“Gemini!” The summons magically reverberated through Mariner Castle. “I need your assistance.”
Within seconds, the Day-Glo yellow garbed Senshi of Speed appeared before her mistress, bowing. “How may I assist you, Princess?”
Mercury tossed her computer to Gemini, shocking her. It was a Royal Artifact, after all. “See if you can reroute the upgrades alert of the Royal Computer to another such device.”
“My lady,” Gemini said hesitantly, “it can easily be done, but doing so would allow for a potentially massive security breach. Anyone using the rerouted computer could trace the signal relay and hack into the confidential contents of the Royal Computer.” Mercury considered this. “And your personal files.”
“I see… Can you think of any computers that would be equally secure as mine?”
Gemini pondered this for a moment, then smirked. “Oh, most definitely. It may even be more secure than Your Highness’s.”
The princess nodded. “Excellent. Please begin immediately.”
Gemini hesitated, but she had to know the answer to what was niggling at her curiosity. “My lady, you could perform this procedure in your sleep. Why are you—”
Mercury grinned. It wasn’t an evil or sinister grin, as she was the heiress to a throne of the Silver Millennium and was therefore incapable of performing evil or sinister actions. It did come pretty damn close, though. “I have a rather important letter to write. Oh, and Gemini? If you so much as think about opening the folder marked ‘Private,’ I will have your star seed on display in the Royal Museum. Do I make myself clear?”
Sailor Gemini gulped and nodded obsequiously.
The princess smiled sweetly. “Good. You may go.”
Gemini saluted, turned, and zipped away. As she was but a Zodiac Senshi, her own grin was capable of some degree of evil sinisterity. This would teach Aquarius to flirt with her Antoniadi-sempai.
And so, Sailor Aquarius began receiving the update notifications for the Royal Mercury Computer. Ironically, the princess’s letter had convinced the Academy to reserve such alerts for major additions, unlike those timelines where the same letter frightened them into halting all development on the device. Still, since the first week after the reroute remained rife with infinitesimal upgrades, Aquarius ignored all subsequent ones, including those that could have proven useful when Beryl’s forces struck a few months later.
“Compy-chan!” cried Ami, hugging her ancestral palmtop to her breast, tears of quasimaternal relief beginning to flow. Sweatdrops followed suit on the others present, which had dwindled to Ranma and the Senshi, empowered and not.
“Don’t forget,” noted Motoko, “our foes can spy on us once more. We must not mention our destinations by name if we are to keep our tactical advantage.”
“Speaking of which,” said Rei, “who’s going where?”
“Well, each Senshi needs to go where her Amulet is,” Makoto stated.
Ranma continued the thought. “And they’ll need backup in case somethin’ attacks.”
Well, we have plenty of that,” Michiru said confidently. “It’s just a matter of delegation.”
There was a pause as the Planetary Senshi turned to their princess. “Why is everybody looking at me?” Usagi asked uneasily.
“You’re the one destined to rule Crystal Tokyo, dumpling head,” Rei explained. “You might as well start getting some administrative experience.”
“Crystal Tokyo?” Those not initiated in future history were intrigued.
“Future global utopia Usagi rules over a millennium from now,” Minako summarized. “No Big Wheel.”
“Big deal,” Makoto said absently.
By this time said future Neo-Queen was breaking down in tears. “It’s too hard!”
Rei growled in frustration. “You’re gonna have to deal with much tougher decisions later. Just bite the bullet and pick people!”
“You’re so mean!”
“Perhaps it would be best if we all chose where we wanted to go?” offered Ami. There was a general murmur of approval at this.
“And now you see why Mercury handles much of the day-to-day mundanities in Crystal Tokyo,” said Setsuna, returning from unfriendly little chat with Haruka.
“Remember, Setsuna,” said aforementioned Senshi of Uranus, “7500 yen, the first of every month. And I will be checking the dates on the bills, so don’t try using money from the future.”
“Yes, yes,” replied Setsuna. “Now then, on to more important matters. Who’s coming with me to retrieve the Capricorn Amulet?”
Before anyone could respond, there was another horrible scream from Keitaro’s room, and the landlord literally rolled down the stairs. It was his only means of locomotion, as he had been completely bound from head to toe in rope. “Well,” he said flatly, “Kanako didn’t recognize the symbol.”
“Ooh…” This came from Su, who, as everyone now saw, had attached the halves of the strange turquoise device she’d grabbed to ears. A holovisor stretched between the earmuff-like domes, and as Su held her hands out, a solid light keyboard formed below them. “Aquarius Computer get!” she said cheerfully, as she began to explore her new toy’s capabilities. Before she could get far, there came a bleeping noise. “Ooh! I’ve got mail!”
“Did the Silver Millenium even have an Internet?” asked Ami.
Setsuna shrugged. “Sort of. Computers weren’t used much outside of Mercury, but there was a magic network that linked them.”
“Huh. That’s weird,” muttered Su. “I got upgrades for the Mercury Computer. Hey, Ami, whip out Compy-chan. I think I can send these wirelessly.”
The bluenette blushed at hearing her formerly private pet name for her accessory item, but still opened it and found the necessary software for wireless download. “Ready.”
The data was transmitted in immediately incorporated. The last work of Mercury’s Royal Academy of Computer Science, Technology, and Magic was finally implemented. It consisted of:
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(Posted Sun, 30 Sep 2007 18:44)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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