It was before class stared that this next madness began. As soon as I entered the classroom, I saw Haruhi, who had apparently been pacing around impatiently and terrorizing anyone else in the room. Once she saw that I had entered, she charged forward like an enraged elk and shoved her face disconcertingly close to mine.
“Kyon,” she declared with an unnecessary amount of authority, “I have come to a realization!”
You’ve decided to stop your endless search for the paranormal and embrace a normal life? Obviously, I didn’t actually say this, nor did I really expect her to say it. But can’t I hope?
“After a careful analysis of the SOS-Dan’s manifesto,” she continued imperiously, “I have determined that we have been neglecting an entire subcategory of mysterious phenomena!”
I knew the only reason I was here was so she would have an audience for her latest announcement, but for some reason I felt I should contribute somehow. “And that would be?”
“Sliders!” This she shouted at the top of her lungs. I swear that echoes ran through the entire floor, and I was half-expecting people to start peeking into our classroom to see who had died with such strange words on her lips.
Undaunted by the looks of our classmates, Haruhi pressed on. “We may have extended our hand to aliens, espers, and time travelers, but people from other universes? That’s where the real mysteries start!”
Oh. Really. I suppose the other members of our little club don’t qualify as mysterious then? Never in my life had I wanted class to begin as much as I did then.
“We’ll discuss this in more depth today during the meeting. I don’t want to have to repeat myself just because everyone isn’t here.” Wait, what? Just like that you’ve dropped the subject?
She then looked at me with an expression that felt hauntingly familiar, a sort of déjà vu. “Sit down, Kyon. Class is going to start soon.” I realized that this was the expression I often bore during one of Haruhi’s rants. Who would’ve thought she’d ever direct the same incredulous deadpan at me? Indeed, what right does she have to use that face? Which one of us has to put up with the other’s world-destroying boredom, anyway?
“Kyoooon…” Gah! That pout! How dare she act so cute? What did I just think!?
“Right. Sorry.” OK. Class. No more bad thoughts.
Okabe-sensei entered the room with two kids I’d never seen before. The guy seemed kind of huddled in on himself. It was almost like seeing a male Mikuru-san just after Haruhi was finished forcing her in a new costume. Urgh. Unpleasant mental image…
The girl was a redhead. Huh. Seems nice enough, though. Pretty cute, actually.
“Class,” announced Okabe-sensei, “we have two new students with us today.” He nodded to them. “Please introduce yourselves.”
The redhead bowed. “I’m Langley-Soryu Asuka. Nice to meet you all.”
The nervous boy seemed to be spacing out a little. Oddly, he was looking in my direction. Well, a bit over my shoulder, actually. Haruhi? I hope he won’t become infatuated with her, if only for his sake. It looked like he had enough problems.
A nudge from Langley-Soryu snapped him out of it. “Oh. I’m Ikari Shinji.” He managed a bow.
Okabe-sensei looked about the classroom. “There should be some empty seats… Ah, behind Ishikawa-kun.”
Huh? That’s next to me. That seat’s… oh. I guess that guy’s out sick today or something.
In any case, Ikari sat next to me, with Langley-Soryu behind. Other than a brief nod, we didn’t get a chance to socialize, as class began.
I managed to distract Haruhi during lunch, but after the day’s courses, she bounded to Ikari’s desk. “Hey, Ikari-kun, right?”
He just nodded uneasily. Honestly, I couldn’t blame him.
“You know, Okabe-sensei never said exactly where you transferred from—”
“Tokyo.”
Haruhi looked up and locked eyes with Langley-Soryu, who had spat out the name of the capital city like it was a bad taste. I couldn’t help but imagine a bolt of lightning crackling between their intense glares. The tension had grown almost unbearable when Haruhi broke the stalemate in a way only she could.
Yes, she grabbed Langley-Soryu’s chest. Honestly, is that how her family says hello or something?
In any case, Langley-Soryu then did something which likely resulted in the destruction of the Andormeda Galaxy, not that we’ll know for 300,000 years: She slapped Suzumiya Haurhi in the face.
I was stunned. Ikari was stunned. Anyone else still in the room was stunned. Langley-Soryu-san was shouting in some language I didn’t recognize. Haruhi didn’t move for some time. I was getting nervous again when she suddenly threw a right hook intended for Langley-Soryu-san’s face. It was caught, and the two seemed to once more be in a stalemate.
“Asuka!”
“Quiet, Shinji.” I would never have expected such a menacing growl to come out of that body. It was like witnessing some sort of demonic possession. “This Uberfraulein needs to learn that nobody gropes me, especially not a girl.”
So you wouldn’t mind as much if it was a boy? Gah! Traitorous mind! You want to get us both killed?
Haruhi grinned. It worried me. It was not a sane grin. If the grin was a person, you would not want to look in its chest freezer. “You’re even better than I’d hoped! You are both officially conscripted into the SOS-Dan!” The fist still in Langley-Soryu-san’s grip suddenly took hold of the hand that enclosed it and Haruhi performed her famous run and drag routine. I felt oddly ambivalent about my not being involved.
I resolved to consider that feeling later. I turned to Ikari, shrugged, and gave an apologetic smile. “It would probably be best if we followed them.”
“Right…”
I felt a peculiar camaraderie with Ikari. While I doubted that the fate of the world had even been on his shoulders, I knew we both had crazy women we both had to deal with.
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(Posted Thu, 26 Feb 2009 03:19)
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