"NO, AKANE, STAY BACK!""I can fight too!" declared Akane, charging forward.
"Duck Damnit!"
"What?!" asked Akane, everything slowing down. There was this monstrous chi attack heading right for her.
"No!" yelled Ranma, jumping in front of her.
SLICE
Kuno stood up, smiling in triumph. "At last, I have freed you to date with me, my love."
Akane gaped at the two halves of Ranma, the top half still struggling to get up as if not realizing his legs were no longer connected to him.
"Uncute tomboy," gasped Ranma. "I told you to stay back. Now you've killed me."
"WHAT?! NO!" replied Akane, stepping back and bumping into something behind her.
"It's all Akane's fault," said Kasumi. "If only she wasn't such a violent maniac."
"I failed," said Akane's mother, her ghostly form glistening in the light. "She's so useless."
"Hey! Come on guys!" exclaimed Akane.
"Pathetic," said Nabiki. "You guys never could coordinate."
"At last you have revealed your true feelings, Akane," said Tatewaki Kuno, blood still dripping off his sword. "We can be married at last."
Soun looked up from counting his money. "You have my blessings."
"WHAT?!" asked Akane.
"Let's get right to the honeymoon," said Tatewaki Kuno, letting his pants drop. A bokken-length pillar of flesh rose up. Except that most bokken didn't end in a spear-head or have cruel-looking hooks running down its length.
"WHAT?!" asked Akane, then realizing she was suddenly and inexplicably naked. "WHAT?!"
"WAAAAAAAAA!" cried some baby.
"Look, he's got your eyes," said Tatewaki Kuno, holding a baby up.
Seeing a baby with a teenage Tatewaki's face on it, Akane felt like sicking up.
"Too violent girl have very weird dreams," said Shampoo, wearing a fur bikini and dragging a club.
"Yup," said a flatchested Ukyo. "She shure do that. Hee huh. Wanna okonomiyaki?"
"Huh?" asked Akane.
Tatewaki shoved the two out the door.
Kodachi came up to her, wearing a dominatrix outfit. "Oh, now you're my sister - so we'll have all sorts of games we can play."
"WHAT?!" said Akane, realizing that yes - she could get even more creeped out.
"We are Japanese if you please, we are Japanese if you don't please," sang two cats that looked kind of like a male and female Ranma.
A slurping sound made her look down and realize she was letting the baby-Tatewaki suckle. "WHAT?!"
"Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce, special orders don't upset us," sang a hamburger in a brown gi in the corner. "All we ask is that we can grope it our way."
"Wait a minute, she said 'dream!" realized Akane.
"No, this is a magic game right?" said baby-Tatewaki. "That means there's a chance this is real."
"It's all your fault," said the ghost of Ranma. "Why couldn't you just stay out of my fight?"
"Now we'll have Ranma all to ourselves," said a ghostly Kodachi, now dressed as some ancient Japanese noblewoman.
"Too too true," said Shampoo, still in Hollywood-caveman apparel. "You kill Ranma but good."
"Okonomiyaki, sugar," said Ukyo, still looking even more androgynous than usual. "Y'all."
"THAT'S her worst nightmare?" asked Kodachi-in-Ryoga. "That is so lame as to cross the line into completely ludicrous."
"Oh dear," said Kasumi.
"I don't know, it looks like it's moving into a sex scene featuring three of that boy and her," said Nobunaga-in-Shampoo. "Whose turn is it?"
"That would be mine," said Kodachi-in-Ryoga, taking the dice and rolling it. "Let's see, that's a-"
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(Posted Mon, 14 Apr 2008 02:47)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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