Not surprisingly, Amaterasu’s estate was absolutely massive. They were currently walking through the goddess’ “garden,” though Ranma’s first instinct was to call it a “forest.” It certainly didn’t have the deliberate, organized look of a typical western garden; rather, it was an intensely green and lush wooded area with several streams running through it. Ranma soon shook off most of this beauty, however—he had questions to ask, and he was through being distracted.
“Okay, so what’s the deal with this Sun Princess thing?” Ranma still wanted to keep shouting obscenities, to be honest, but thus far, Amaterasu had been relatively polite and respectful to him, and he figured he should return the favor, at least for a little while.
“Are you familiar with the story of Orochi?”
“Yeah… big ol’ dragon-demon thing with eight heads, right? Yer brother killed him an’ gave ya the Kusanagi-no-Tsurugi.”
“That is correct, more or less,” the goddess replied.
“More or less?” queried the teenager.
“It’s nothing—just that the current form of the legend isn’t entirely accurate, but then, one can hardly expect total accuracy after so many millennia. The most common rendition will do for now.”
“Cool. So, what does Orochi have ta do with this magical girl business? Lemme guess: he wasn’t really dead.”
“Oh, no, Orochi was dead as a doornail, I can assure you. The trouble was he had several relatives and associates who were none too pleased to learn that reports of his death were in no way exaggerated.”
“Relatives an’ associates?”
Amaterasu nodded. “Yes, as it turned out, Orochi was but the first of many eldritch creatures to arrive in our world in what can be called nothing less than a full-scale invasion.”
Akane was somewhat bewildered as she observed one side of the conversation Nodoka was having on the phone. When she had returned from wherever it was she’d gone, she was without her katana and looked extremely sullen… for all of about five minutes. She’d somehow convinced herself that she needed to stay optimistic and continue with her plans… which had lead to the phone call mentioned previously.
“Well, I can’t be entirely certain when Ranma will return, but I suspect that two days should be plenty of time. — Well, actually… to be honest, I may have made an error or two in the way I revealed the news; I probably could have done so a bit more tactfully. — I have no idea; I thought he’d jump at the chance to be a superhero. He didn’t seem to have much of a problem with the gender-bending to me. Now, though, I’m not sure if he’ll accept… perhaps we can reschedule the meeting? — What? — Oh, that’s good to hear. — Yes, that should defuse the situation quite nicely. “What’s that? — You’re kidding. Does he even have time in his schedule for that? — No, I’m honored, I really am. I’m sure Ranma would be happy to have him present. He can probably explain things better than I can anyway. — I know. Well, I’d better start getting ready, then. — Goodbye.”
“What was that all about?” Akane asked as Nodoka hung up the phone.
“Oh, that was just the Guild of Calamitous Intent. I had to call to verify Ranma’s screening time.”
“Screening?”
“For his archnemesis. The Guild is better at it than any other group around, and their policies regarding teenage heroes are particularly good. For example, they’ll make sure Ranma has enough time to get a proper education.”
“Why? Ranma doesn’t do any studying as it is.”
“He will when I’m through with him,” Nodoka replied darkly.
“Shouldn’t you at least wait until you know Ranma’s accepted?” Akane asked hesitantly.
“I suppose you could view things that way… if it weren’t for one very important fact.”
“And that is?”
“The Guild has already decided to select an archvillain for Ranma whether he became the Taiyohime or not. You see, after defeating that demigod at Jusendo, Ranma basically became one of the hottest prospects in the arching world—supervillains have been clamoring to get assigned him for months now. At least this way, Ranma will get to play a role in the screening process.”
“I don’t understand, though… why would Ranma need to be a magical girl at all, then?”
“Oh, I didn’t establish a relationship with the Guild because I needed a long-term target—I just needed a more frequent one.”
“Huh?”
“Ultimately, the reason I chose to work with the Guild is to make sure my skills didn’t get rusty while I waited for the Taiyohime’s real enemies to make their next move.”
Akane scratched her head in confusion. “Real enemies?”
Ranma’s face screwed up in confusion. “Who’s Eldridge Cleaver?”
“Eldritch creatures,” Amaterasu clarified. “Look, have you ever heard of the Great Old Ones?”
“Well, I’ve met a lot of old people….”
“What about the Outer Gods?”
“Uh…”
“Cthulhu? Nyarlathotep? Shub-Niggurath? The Flying Spaghetti Monster?”
“Gesundheit,” Ranma replied.
Amaterasu breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness—that means you haven’t been exposed to any of that ridiculous propaganda they’ve been putting out recently.”
“Propaganda?”
“If you read that crap, you’d think they were nigh-unbeatable superdieties, when in reality they’re just a bunch of lazy bastards who can’t be bothered to nurture their own realities, and thus try to take over already existing ones.”
“And this has ta do with Eldridge Cleaver… how?”
“Eldritch creatures,” Amaterasu repeated. “It’s basically a fancy way of saying ‘weird.’”
“Oh. So, what, they look funny?”
“Well, they’d have you believe that to gaze upon them is enough to drive a mortal insane.”
“Is that true?”
“Hmph,” Amaterasu grunted derisively. “First of all, it’s not that difficult to reduce your average mortal to a quivering mass of gibberish. But more importantly, you’d have to be pretty weak-minded to begin with to go crazy just by looking at their true forms. Some say that it should make people go crazy thanks to non-Euclidean geometry, but normal space-time is already warped enough by relativity that all geometry that mortals experience on a regular basis is non-Euclidean.”
Of course, most of this went right over Ranma’s head, as he didn’t even know who or what a Euclid was. “Huh?”
“You won’t go crazy just from seeing them. In fact, most people won’t get anything worse than a really bad migraine. Granted, they can be scary if you aren’t expecting them, but you’re more likely to go insane by trying to follow American politics,” Amaterasu simplified. “Besides, you’ve already come face to face with one, and you’re just fine.”
“Huh? What are you—oh, wait, I think I know what you mean. That eight-headed dragon from Shinnosuke’s park, right?”
Amaterasu looked pensive for a moment before answering: “Oh… that’s right… I forgot about him. That’s one of Orochi’s closer relatives, I think. Actually, he’s a very good example of what a Great Old One is really like. Essentially a grumpy old man in the throes of senility. They’re easily pacified—so much so that it’s far easier to tolerate them than to try and destroy them.”
“Oh… hold on. I handled that dragon thing pretty darn well by myself. Why would I need to be a magical girl ta take care of the likes of him?”
“You wouldn’t. You see, the so-called Great Old Ones like that dragon or Cthulhu aren’t really that much of a problem. It’s those Outer Gods I mentioned that you need to worry about. Still, they’re hardly the Dragonball Z villians they’d have everyone believe they are. It just takes a little more supernatural oomph to keep them in check.”
“Keep them ‘in check’? That’s all I’d be doin’?”
“No, on occasion, the Taiyohime is called upon to defeat one that’s causing too much trouble—and there’s even an off chance you may have to destroy one. That’s what your great-grandmother Kimiko Saotome did at Tanguska in 1908.”
“Oh…” Ranma wasn’t quite sure what the goddess was talking about, but he decided to let it be for the moment. “Say, shouldn’t this whole thing be Susano-o’s problem? I mean, he killed Orochi ta begin with.”
“You’re right; it probably should. However, if you even have a passing familiarity with the stories about us, you’ll know that my brother and I have a rather shaky relationship at times. Besides, the parasites assumed that I was the one responsible because I was the one who had the sword. A few misunderstandings and missteps later, and the whole mess officially became my responsibility. Of course, I can’t divert too much of my time to fight them—sustaining life in this solar system is difficult enough as it is. Thus, I created the Taiyohime to hold the invaders at bay until I thought of a way to get rid of them permanently.”
“I take it that hasn’t happened yet?”
“No. In any case, it’s not like they’re attacking all the time: in fact, there’s usually long stretches of time when they don’t mount any sort of attack—in fact, it’s been years since there’s been any significant activity amongst them.”
“Why’s that?”
“Well, one can never be entirely certain, but I tend to think that they’re still reeling from what your mother managed to pull off in 1974.”
“And that is…”
“She defeated Shub-Niggurath,” Amaterasu said with a broad smile on her face, clearly still proud of her servant’s accomplishment.
“I take it that ain’t exactly a walk in the park.”
“Not exactly. Shub-Niggurath was supposed to be one of their heavy hitters, so to speak—so insanely powerful that it would take an entire pantheon of deities working together to hold her back. The fact that Nodoka defeated her outright, possibly even disabling her permanently, with minimal assistance sent the Outer Gods reeling.”
“So the Taiyohime’s like, ultra-super-powerful?”
“Part of Nodoka’s accomplishment comes from the Taiyohime’s power, no doubt, but it’s just as much due to your mother’s considerable skills and the fact that the Outer Gods apparently started buying into their own propaganda and began to believe that they were vastly more powerful than they actually are.”
“My mom’s skills?”
“As I said before, she’s the best magical girl I’ve ever come across. I suppose that’s why I let her get away with some of her antics,” Amaterasu added mournfully. “Make no mistake, however,” she continued. “These squatters are quite powerful, and if you underestimate them even a little bit, they will absolutely demolish you.”
“Assumin’ I accept this whole Taiyohime thing.”
“Yes…” Amaterasu admitted pensively. “I suppose I should address that. I could probably mention honor and tradition, but after the stunts your mother pulled, I doubt you’re too interested in that. Really, all I can do is appeal to your sense of selflessness; I assure you that these Outer Gods do present a real threat to our way of life. They are completely uncaring about humans or any other sentient mortals, any more than you care about a horsefly, and would have no qualms with reducing this entire realm to a matterless void.”
“As opposed ta you?” Ranma asked doubtfully. “Sounds ta me like ya just want me ta be a foot soldier in a war.”
“Ranma, this is my home. Not just the Celestial Plane, but the mortal realm as well. I don’t want anything to happen to it, but those parasitic abominations just don’t care—in fact, that’s one of their major propaganda tools: to cause widespread apathy and nihilism, to spread the idea that good and evil are just socially constructed ideas, and that it doesn’t matter if we all die, because the universe doesn’t care. Now, if you’re hell-bent on assuming that I’m just manipulating you for my own ends, then there’s little I can do to convince you otherwise. But keep in mind that I’m not the only one who would benefit from your help. While it’s true that there are others who might be able to hold them back, none are so well equipped as the Taiyohime, and right now, you are the only one who can take on that mantle. Ranma, this is your chance to really make a difference in the lives of a lot of people.”
Ranma was still more than a little hesitant. “I dunno…”
“By all means, take your time in making up your mind,” Amaterasu said. “This isn’t the sort of thing you want to commit to based solely on your emotions, after all. In fact, while you figure things out, you can take a bath in a very special hot spring in my woods.”
“What’s so special about it?”
The sun goddess smiled. “It will give you complete control over your curse.”
“But… but I haven’t decided whether or not ta go along with this yet….”
“So?”
“So, what’s ta stop me from not doin’ it once I get the control?”
“Nothing, really.”
Amaterasu had said some surprising things thus far, but none of them even came close to this. “What?!”
“Ranma, I said I would make that right one way or the other, by which I meant that your control would not be conditional on accepting the position.”
“But… but… why?”
“Because this never should have happened to you in the first place, and it’s the right thing to do.”
“The right thing ta do? Sounds like another setup ta me. Yer Amaterasu, fer cryin’ out loud! Ya mean ta tell me that ya weren’t payin’ any attention ta what my Mom was doin’?”
“Ranma, I am the head of a pantheon, and what’s more, Nodoka really had begun to show signs that she was finally starting to adjust to everyday life when the incident happened. I thought I could trust her judgment; this turned out to be a mistake.”
“Uh-huh. An’ what about her idea ta send me off on a trainin’ trip with my dad?”
Amaterasu sighed yet again. “Actually, that one was my idea. And before you get angry, the reason is fairly simple: in the six years after you were born, it became abundantly clear that for all his defects, your father’s parenting ability greatly exceeds that of your mother. When it became clear that she would not be able to have another child, she began to get… panicked.” This, of course, was a vast understatement—Nodoka’s desire to carry out all of the Taiyohime’s duties (including producing the next one) was paramount in her mind, and the depression that followed the news of her infertility had skewed the way she treated her young boy. “I came up with the idea of the training trip so your mother could have some time to collect herself, as it were.”
“Ya told her this?”
“No. I simply explained to her that there were a few ways that you could conceivably be the next Taiyohime, and suggested that you would need specialized training for it which your father could provide—and in fact, he may have inadvertently done so, too.”
“Like what?”
“I’d rather not go into it—there isn’t much point in going into too much detail before you make your decision. What’s important is that your father not only did a better job of raising you than your mother could, but he somehow managed to avoid turning you into a dysfunctional loony.”
“Great… are there any more surprises?”
“In all likelihood, yes. Why don’t you follow me? There’s nothing like a good bath to clear the mind.”
“Uh… alright….”
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(Posted Fri, 27 Jun 2008 19:34)
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