[Episode 207809] [Episode 207809]Ranma barely even made it to school the next day before he found himself back at his new store. It was still weird to think of it that way, but after seeing his name used in the store’s title, it was hard for Ranma to see it any other way. Besides, as the new manager in training for the place, it was at least partially true anyway, wether he wanted it to be or not.
The store was currently empty, leaving Ranma to wonder why he’d been called in, or summoned rather, to work. Even his boss, Mr. Fetish wasn’t there, leaving Ranma to sit boredly as he waited behind the counter for something to do. Idly waiting to find out why he was there, Ranma noted a few glaring differences about today’s summons verses the day before.
The first change was virtually expected, given how gaudy decorations were practically a tradition of ‘grand openings’ everywhere. Another was that several of the prices Ranma had dutifully changed the day before were discounted even lower than the prices he’d put on them the day before. They were still labeled with the prices he’d put on them, but almost everything he could see had a red discount tag attached to it stating various percentages off the listed price.
Silently fuming over that particular change, Ranma also noticed that he wasn’t wearing the same clothing he had been anymore. Instead he was wearing a blue on white uniform with is name embroidered over his heart in baby blue. The outfit also included a sports visor with a flip down lens that seemed to tastefully complete the outfit’s uniform like feel. It was actually a surprisingly dignified uniform, considering what Ranma was selling here at least.
With nothing else to do at the moment, Ranma flipped down the visor’s lens to see if he could figure out why it was there. The bar like lense fell perfectly over Ranma’s field of vision, without obscuring or distorting anything. Despite himself, he was actually a little surprised to see magically scrolling scrip move vertically across his field of vision. He really should have known better, considering Ranma already knew he was working for a wizard now.
The script scrolling up Ranma’s view of the world proclaimed the lens to be the ‘Fetish Profiler’. “What the heck does that mean?” he wondered aloud to himself, then quickly wished he hadn’t. The visor lense immediately started scrolling through a description of itself.
According to it’s own explanation, the ‘Fetish Profiler’ was supposed to work similar to those scouter thingies in that Dragonball Z anime. Only instead of displaying ‘power levels’ it displayed people’s ‘turn ons’ and ‘turn offs’ with a numbered scoring system. The device also rated a person’s libido, stamina, and recovery rating’s as well. Not that Ranma was really sure what a libido was, but the stamina and recovery scores were pretty straight forward at least.
It could do a few other things too, but Ranma didn’t really understand them much either. The only one that made much sense to him at all was the one about bringing up displays of related items for when people requested certain things. Other than that, Ranma was certain he would be a lot happier not knowing what the Fetish Profiler was supposed to do.
Not that he got to finish reading the stupid thing’s tutorial instructions before his first customer of the day showed up. A tallish woman who didn’t seem at all embarrassed to be here. In fact, she could have been in a children’s toy store for all the reaction the place got out of her. She looked normal enough too, being modestly dressed, with nothing to distinguish her outwardly as a pervert of any kind.
Only she also just happened to be Ranma’s mother, and the Fetish Profiler was saying some very disturbing things about her. Sure Ranma knew that Nododa’s views about manliness were a bit . . . odd, at times. But he’d never even dreamed that under his mother’s traditionalist exterior hid a level of perversion that could rival even Happosai’s demented behavior.
“This thing’s gotta be defective or something. Mom may be a bit weird and stuff, but she’s no hentai,” Ranma muttered under his breath. Mentally dismissing the ridiculously long list of ‘turn ons’ that the Fetish profiler claimed his mother had.
[I am NOT defective!]
Ranma blinked in confusion at the unexpected denial from the block of text centering his field of vision, replacing his mother’s unbelievable profile. ‘Huh?’ he thought in confusion as the message all but blocked his mother from view. Then just as suddenly, a new block of text filled almost Ranma’s entire view of the store for a moment.
[Just because YOU didn’t know that she’s a hormonally repressed nympho maniac before today DOESN’T mean that I’m automatically defective. I just call them like they are, rookie.]
“Sorry,” Ranma half mumbled back, surprised by the device’s strangely defensive response. “It’s not like I meant to hurt your feelings or nothing. I just don’t see how all that junk about my mom could possibly be true,” he protested weakly, despite his confusion.
[That’s why I’M the profiler, and YOU are the rookie, rookie.]
“Ranma? Who are you talking to dear? There’s no one else in the store right now but us,” Nodoka’s voice interrupted him before he could respond to that last text message. She was looking at him curiously, as if she half expected to find out that there really was someone else there, just invisible or something.
“Uh, it’s nothing, mom, honest. Just trying to get used to this new visor thingy the boss man made up for me to use,” Ranma replied, uncomfortably. He really didn’t want to tell her that he was having to defend her honor from some kind of enchanted gizmo with an ego, not yet at least.
“Oh, well that explains it then,” Nodoka replied absently as she resumed browsing the store’s merchandise. She already knew what most of the store’s stock was from last night’s interrogation involving Ranma’s new job. She practically knew everything about the store’s stock that Ranma did by now.
Because of that, Ranma was really hoping that Nodoka would just pick out her ‘marital aids’ quickly, then leave. For one of the very few times in his life so far. Ranma would honestly rather be in school right now than where he was, since school was a comfortable old boring nightmare that he’d long since learned how to ignore.
Unfortunately, the store’s contents seemed to bring out a side of Ranma’s mother that he’d been a lot more comfortable not knowing about. “Ranma, sweety, which one of these outfits do you think your father would appreciate better; the ‘Tentacled Succubus’ or should I get the ‘Whip Mistress’ instead.?” Nodoka asked him in a contemplative tone.
[Tentacled Succubus]
Ranma was completely thrown into shock for a moment. First of all, the last thing Ranma had expected Nodoka to do was to ask her own son about what kind of sexy outfit she should wear for his father, the Fetish Profiler’s unexpected suggestion only compounded the problem for him. “Uh, the ‘Whip Mistress’ I guess. Pop didn’t seem to mind that circus lady cracking orders at him in panda form too much when we first got here. Not that he exactly liked it either. But I know for a fact that Pops isn’t into any of that tentacle monster stuff. He swears up and down that they’re the absolute worst kind of monster out there,” Ranma responded as helpfully as he could manage.
“Ooh, perfect! That’s exactly what I wanted to hear, Ranma. I’ll take this one then,” Nodoka replied excitedly as she put the ‘Whip Mistress’ back in it’s place on the rack. Then immediately tossed the chosen garment into the hand basket she was carrying and moved on to another section.
Meanwhile, Ranma was completely bewildered by Nodoka’s reaction. Instead of going with the one she thought pops would’ve liked better between the two, she’d picked the one outfit she could wear that Genma was guaranteed to hate. ‘Why did would she ask for my opinion, then grab the exact opposite of what I suggested?’ Ranma wondered silently to himself as Nodoka moved about the store.
[Because you weren’t paying any attention to how she was asking the question, rookie. She’s not trying to be nice to the man here; she wants to punish the man for something.]
Ranma considered the reply for a long, long moment, before deciding that he really, really didn’t want to know anymore than that. “Oh, that figures . . .” Ranma replied numbly to the unexpected answer to his unspoken question.
“Oh, these should be fun!” his mother’s voice cheered from the gag section an isle or two over. Ranma looked over in time to see a couple boxes of temporary hexes fall into Nodoka’s shopping basket. He didn’t recognize them from here, but Ranma definitely felt sorry for anyone she planned to use them on. There effects lasted at least a day, and could last up to three if the victim was particularly unlucky.
Worse, they came in a variety of different sets categorized by effects, including body-mods, bizarre body-mods, and forced fetishes. Each category offered a set of five for each individual effect, or a variety pack of ten from the category. Then there was the super variety pack of fifty to consider, containing a random selection of hexes from every category offered. In total, there were literally thousands of hexes to choose from. Pricing that section had bothered Ranma at least as much as the costume section had, if not more.
A foreboding chill went down Ranma’s spine as his mother finally left the hexes and moved on to another area. He didn’t even notice her grab a couple of the reusable gags on her way out of the section the feeling was so strong. He just knew that Nodoka had roughly a month’s worth of hexes on her already, four if she used them ALL on the same target.
Ranma let out a repressed groan as
Read the comments on this episode
(Posted Mon, 07 Jul 2008 20:00)
Questions? Problems? Suggestions?
Send a mail to addventure@bast-enterprises.de
or use the contact form.
らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
All other series and their characters are © by their respective creators or owners. No claims of ownership of these characters are implied by the authors of this Addventure, or should be inferred.
The Anime Addventure is a non-profit site.