Ranma let out a repressed groan as his mother finally left the store, carrying several bags worth of items that he really didn’t want to think about. Life at the dojo was about to get really embarrassing for a while, not to mention complicated. But worst of all, there was nothing at all Ranma could do about it since his own mother was behind it all
Nodoka’s idea about setting up a weekly game night, starting tonight, was just one of many that Ranma couldn’t seem to wrap his mind around. Not only that, but the shocking realization that his mother was an absolute pervert was threatening to make Ranma’s mind short circuit. “I can’t believe what a pervert mom turned out to be. I mean, she’s actually bad enough to make the old lech look almost normal,” Ranma croaked out in horrified wonder at it all.
[I tried to tell you so. But YOU wouldn’t believe me, rookie. Lucky for you, I’m specifically designed to help out ‘know-nothing’s like you in this business. Otherwise I doubt you’d ever make a sale.]
That was another thing that Ranma was having trouble getting used to, the Fetish Profiler’s personality. “It‘s bad enough I have to wear the thing. Why’s it got to have a personality too?” Ranma muttered to himself in response. Yet deep down, Ranma was reluctantly grateful for the distraction from what he’d just learned about his mother today.
[Because having one supposedly helps rookies like you adjust from ‘know-thing virgins’ into ‘elite pros’ without getting trampled over by the customers. For some reason, the boss likes picking out sexually repressed virgins, like yourself. Don’t ask me why though, he’s never bothered to answer that question, no matter how many times I ask him. So I just help him train whoever he assigns me to until they don’t need me any more. Then it’s off to the next rookie in training.]
‘Oh,’ Ranma thought back at the device, somehow comforted and disturbed by the idea at the same time. It took him several minutes to recover from the over all the combined shocks of the past hour. But as twisted as it was, at least Ranma wasn’t being left to fend for himself COMPLETELY on his own.
“So um, FP, how come you made me ring up half of moms stuff blind? I know that they were all presents, but shouldn’t I still have to know what they were to ring them up properly? What if I’d rung up the wrong item on the register or something?” Ranma asked the Fetish Profiler’s personality, hoping to change the topic to something less . . . disturbing for him.
[Actually, rookie, that wasn’t me. Anytime a person that qualifies for the friends and family discount purchases gifts for anyone the owner knows it activates a privacy enchantment. That way you aren’t able to spoil the gift-giver’s surprise factor for them. The enchantment also allows them to buy presents for you in particular as well, without you knowing about it until the gift is actually given. So, you weren’t as much blind at the time as it was that your memories were altered to fit the buyer’s desired level of surprise for the recipients. She didn’t want you to know what the presents were, yet she didn’t mind you knowing that she had bought presents. Therefore you remember being selectively blind and only select portions of the original conversation that occurred during the checkout process.]
After reading the Fetish Profiler’s explanation, Ranma cringed at the possible repercussions. That meant that nearly anyone he knew could buy presents, possibly even pranks, with him as the target and he’d never know it until it was too late. “At least I don’t have to worry about mom getting me anything for my girl form, at least, not with her fixation on manliness,” Ranma consoled himself as he tried not to think about it.
[You don’t know her very well, do you, rookie. You really should have paid more attention to the woman’s profile while I had it up. Maybe then you’d have a better idea about what to expect from her. I’d pull it up for you, but her gift-giver status won’t let me pull your mother’s profile up again until she’s delivered all of her gift items. Unless of course she comes back in to buy a few more things that is.]
“You mean to tell my that my mom actually bought me something perverted for my girl form, and that you can’t tell me what it was?!” Ranma demanded in a near yelp. This was no laughing matter, not by a long shot. Getting stuffed into cutesy dresses and stuff when his mom didn’t know about the curse was one thing. But if she started buying presents like that for Ranma’s girl form now that she did know about it, Ranma didn’t have the first clue how he’d react.
[I can not answer that. Nor can I tell you what she bought, or whom it was for, assuming that she even stated such information in the first place.]
Ranma mentally translated the evasive answer as an unofficial ‘yes’ and slumped his head in despair. The world had suddenly become a frighteningly perverted place, and somehow, he had gotten himself stuck squarely in the center of it all. Not only was there the distinct possibility that Ranma’s mother intended to give him something perverted, but there were still the items that he knew about to worry about as well. Like Nodoka’s plans to instigate a weekly game night at the dojo from now on, starting with a magical adult game.
“I’m dooomed!” Ranma moaned dejectedly at the world in general. No one, bothered to respond to the outburst as Ranma tried to recover from the shock of selling his own mother a very long list of magically perverted items. No responding text popped up in front of Ranma either as his mind slowly recovered from the psychological upset.
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(Posted Mon, 07 Jul 2008 20:18)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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