Although Ukyo had originally told her husband that she was going to use a bit of misdirection on her father, it turned out that Akira Kuonji was quite a bit more perceptive than Soun or Genma. He hadn't had to grill her for very long before she found herself admitting the entire thing: the genie, the telepathy, and the lurid details of the "Amazon wedding." By the end of her lengthy explanation, the chef felt utterly deflated and emotionally drained.
Ukyo heard her father sighing in resignation over the phone. "I should have known it would turn out like this."
"Huh? Dad, what are you—"
"Oh, I don't blame you, pumpkin. I blame myself. I mean, I should have seen the signs: the clothes, the way you talked, that ridiculous story about Saotome's kid turning into a woman…"
"What?"
"What I'm trying to say is that it's hardly your fault that you turned queer."
"Dad!"
"Oh, right: people like you find that word offensive, don't you? Sorry. I meant that it's not your fault you ended up homosexual."
"I'm not a lesbian, Dad."
"Oh? Well, then that's another matter entirely. Sorry about the mistake."
"Don't worry about it, Dad."
"I mean, while it's still kind of gross that you want to have sex with women, at least you'll be able to hide it by having relationships with men. Just try to keep the ladies 'on the down low,' okay?"
Ukyo groaned. "Dad, I'm not bisexual either."
"Look, honey, it's alright. I know you think your old man's a fuddy-duddy, but I'm perfectly willing to accept that times change. Just promise me that there won't be any pictures of you making out with your girlfriends showing up on the YouTube."
"They're not my girlfriends; they're—"
"Look, honey, I know that you're in love, but I'm not going to call them your wives."
"I never said I was in love with them."
"Then why did you 'marry' them?"
"I told you: there was a stupid airhead genie, and she—"
It was here that Ukyo was interrupted again, not by her father, but by her most significant other. Uh, Ucchan?
I'm a little busy right now, Ranchan.
Yeah, I noticed. Look, I'll make this quick.
Okay, shoot.
About yer pop...
Yeah?
Ya oughta just quit now, while yer ahead.
But he thinks I'm gay!
So? Is he plannin' on disownin' you?
Well, no... but he thinks I'm gay!
Ranma, however, did not seem swayed by this argument. Look, we can show him that ain't the case later. Right now, we need all the allies we can get, an' if yer old man is willin' ta accept the current situation, then that's one less person we need ta convince.
But... but... he think's I'm gay!
Ucchan, even though the whole situation is totally fucked up, I am still yer husband, an' on top of that, we're best friends. Ya know I only want what's best for you. Trust me, this is the way ta handle things right now. I mean, sure, yer gonna be lettin' yer dad think yer inta girls for a while, but it could easily be a helluva lot worse, right?
I guess...
"Honey?" Ukyo's father asked over the phone. "Are you there?"
"Yeah… yeah, I'm here, Dad. And… thanks for your support—though I still want to make it clear that you don't have the whole situation right."
"Pumpkin, I—"
"Don't say anything, Dad. You might not have everything straight, but… but I guess it's close enough to the truth for now. Just promise to visit us when you can, okay? Then I'll be able to explain everything."
"Okay, honey. I love you."
"I love you too, Dad."
"And try to keep your sex partners to a minimum, okay?"
Ukyo rolled her eyes. "Trust me, Dad, that's the last think you need to worry about."
"Okay, honey. Bye."
"Bye-bye." Ukyo hung up the phone and breathed a sigh of relief. Well, it didn't go exactly the way I wanted, but that wasn't too bad, all things considered.
Yeah, that's generally the way the rest of us have been approachin' all this. Uh, say, when does Ucchan's close?
Not for another two hours, but I close early if I have to.
Oh, good. Um, say, could you, uh, do that? A lot's happened today, an' we need ta get together ta figure out where we go from here.
Sure thing, Ranchan. Where are we meeting up?
How 'bout your restaurant? We can help ya finish takin' care of things if it goes longer than ya thought.
That sounds fine, Ranchan. If by 'fine,' you mean 'a real pain in the ass. '
Uh, Ucchan, I can hear what you think, remember?
Ukyo slapped her forehead. Crap. Sorry, Ranchan. Really, it's okay for you guys to come over here.
Ya sure?
Yes, I'm sure.
Okay, I'll let the others know.
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(Posted Sun, 21 Sep 2008 06:48)
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