“Fine, fine,” Ranma grumbled finally. “I'm gonna go out an' show tha' giant floatin' dick out there that size is only part of bein' a man. But first,” he said, interrupting the flurry of activity that was about to break out, “there's somethin' I gotta do.” He let go of Maya and planted a loud sloppy kiss on her cheek. “Thanks for yer help. Yer a real cutie.” Shooting the technician a wink, he started staggering across the command bridge.
Maya blushed a deep crimson, burying her face in her hands, trying to avoid the looks all her co-workers were giving her. Why'd Ranma have to kiss her now and embarrass her in front of her friends? Why couldn't he at least wait until they were alone and the Angel was defeated or simply not kiss her at all? And why didn't the ground ever open up and swallow her when she wished for it?
Misato gaped bug-eyed at the scene she had just witnessed, feeling a twinge of betrayal and something else inside her chest. Here she had been valiantly fighting her attraction towards her ward, trying to ignore and forget the picture of a wet and naked Ranma in her bathroom, trying not to think of his glistening tanned body with his chiselled chest and rolling abdominals and his freely swinging little soldier as he performed a happy dance, trying to forget about how good it felt to be enveloped in his strong arms as he effortlessly swung her around, and then along comes Maya and seduces him out from under her nose during a time of crisis? It just wasn't fair.
Just wait till we got home, Ranma. I'm going to show you the advantages of being with a real woman! Wait! What am I thinking? Misato shook her head. I am not jealous of Maya and I do not want Ranma to think of me as a woman! Crossing her arms in front of her chest, she nodded decisively, then started glaring daggers at the pigtailed martial artist's back.
Ritsuko smirked inwardly, momentarily forgetting about the Angel rampaging through Tokyo-3, and observed the reactions and facial expressions of her two friends and co-workers. This was simply perfect teasing material, too good to miss. Maya's next few days at Nerv would definitely be uncomfortable for the young scientist, Ritsuko would make sure of that. She wouldn't take it too far, Ritsuko decided, Maya was very easily embarrassed and then her work suffered, and they'd be having a lot of work to do soon, but Ritsuko also really wanted to know what had happened between her apprentice and Ranma in the changing room, and she wouldn't let up until Maya gave her every juicy detail.
Letting her gaze travel towards Misato, Ritsuko couldn't quite keep the smirk from showing on her face. Ooh, her best friend would suffer. Judging from the purple-haired Captain's facial expression and how her eyes were shooting daggers at both Maya as well as Ranma, she was torn somewhere between jealousy and anger. Misato obviously still hadn't managed to deal with her own attraction towards the Third Child. Just Perfect. Ritsuko's grin widened.
As for Ranma... Here Ritsuko's grin took on a predatory quality. Well, she didn't appreciate his lewd remarks about her looks in a diving suit, especially the comment about her boobs being less nice than Misato's. She could see a very painful and embarrassing medical examination in the pigtailed pilot's future. Oh yes, he wouldn't be able to even think about making any negative comments about her looks in the future without feeling phantom pains in certain body parts, Ritsuko would see about it.
The rest of the bridge crew could only sit and watch in wide-eyed astonishment, too baffled by Ranma's bold move to even formulate a thought. Except for Gendo, who couldn't quite help but feel a little proud of his son.
Ranma completely missed the reactions of everybody as he slowly staggered across the command bridge until he came to a stop in front of Rei, squinting at the albino girl as he swayed unsteadily on his feet.
Rei blinked and looked up. “Yes, is there something I can help you with, Pilot Saotome?”
Ranma continued squinting at Rei for a few more moments, then held up his left fist, index and middle fingers extended. “I'm gonna show ya a trick, Rei. Don't blink,” he instructed, waving his left hand and drawing figures in the air with it.
Rei did as Ranma told her, her unblinking eyes never even once leaving his waving hand.
Suddenly Ranma's right hand shot out, grabbing the bottle of Everclear out of Rei's grasp and bringing it to his mouth in one smooth motion nobody on the bridge had thought him capable of any more.
“Hey!” Rei exclaimed. “No fair! Give that back!” She jumped up and tried futilely to get her precious nectar back from its underhanded thief, her arms waving wildly as she blindly grabbed for it.
Ranma simply turned his back to Rei, rendering all her clumsy attempts at retrieving the bottle useless, and continued emptying the booze in big gulps, some of the clear liquid running out of his mouth and down his chin and throat.
“Ranma!” Misato screeched from across the bridge. “What the fuck do you think you're doing?” She dashed across the bridge and joined Rei in her effort at getting the bottle out of the pigtailed pilot's greedy hands. “You've ... already ... had ... enough ... to ... drink!” She ground out as she wrestled with Ranma.
Finally, after another thirty seconds of successfully defending the Everclear, and after he had emptied at least half its contents, Ranma let go of the bottle and burped loudly. “Aah, tha' hit the shpot,” he slurred, swaying unsteadily. Then he blinked, fixing Misato with a narrow-eyed stare. “Whaddya mean, 'enough ta drink'? I told'sha there'sh no way I'm goin' out there ta fight a shiant floatin' penish unlesh I'm sho pished I can barely walk!” He snapped at Misato.
Misato gaped at her ward, her face turning red as her eye-brow developed an angry twitch. Just as she opened her mouth to give that insufferably arrogant macho a piece of her mind and take him down a peg or two, she found herself tackled by 90 pounds of albino girl and thrown to the ground, and all that she managed to utter was “Erk!”.
“Gimme that! That's mine!” Rei said, baring her teeth in a vicious snarl with her eyes glowing an eerie red. She ripped the Everclear from Misato's hands and slunk back towards her chair, the bottle clutched tightly in her arms while her eyes darted around the bridge. Whenever somebody came within three metres of her position, Rei would snarl and hiss at them, and everybody soon kept their distance.
Ranma chuckled at that, then he suddenly pointed at the view screen. “A shiant penish ish rampashin' through mah shity! I won't allow it! To tha Nerv cave and tha EVA-mobile!”
As everybody else looked at the pigtailed pilot as if he had lost the last of his marbles, Misato growled, “Would somebody get that idiot to the entry plug before I forget myself and throttle him?” from where she still lay pinned under Rei on the floor.
Two security officers stepped up and grabbed Ranma under his arms, then started dragging him away towards the entry plug.
Ranma allowed them to manhandle him but couldn't resist a last parting shot, “Kinky kinky, Mishato. I knew ya were inta tha' kinda shtuff!” The two hired muscles dragging him away hurried up their pace, wanting to get him away as fast as possible before he managed to get Misato to blow her top and pull her gun on him after all, and Ranma continued grumbling under his breath, “It'sh too bad really. Makesh me almost wish I could shtill turn into a girl.”
The two security guards shot each other questioning looks, then quickly shook their heads, arriving at the conclusion that trying to figure out Commander Ikari's kid just wasn't worth the headache it would bring. And besides, everybody knew he had several screws loose anyway.
Finally sitting inside the entry plug, Ranma had to fight the almost overpowering urge to vomit, when it was flooded with LCL. “Urk, should've thoughta how crappy thish crap tashted before I drank all tha' boosh.” His situation only worsened when the entry plug was inserted and Unit One activated, the swirling lightshow being almost more than his stomach could handle. “Nnh, shtop thish,” he whined, both palms pressing against his temples to lessen the pain the battalion of gnomes digging for mithril inside his head were causing.
“Ranma, are you ready?” Came Misato's voice over the comm.
“No!” Ranma snapped. “I've got a whole clan a gnomes inshide mah head hammerin' away! I'm definitely not ready. I shanged mah mind, I wanna go back.”
“Aww, you poor baby,” Misato's voice carried no small amount of smug satisfaction. “Just try not to throw up inside the entry plug. I imagine it would be quite unpleasant to be immersed in your own vomit.”
Ranma slapped both hands over his mouth, trying to hold back the contents of his stomach that had risen up his throat because of the mental image Misato's words had conjured. Closing his eyes he willed his stomach to calm down and the world around him to stop spinning.
When there came no response from Unit One's pilot after a minute, Misato activated the comm. again. “Ranma? You still there? You better not have passed out, mister, or I'll kill you myself, before the Angel out there has even had a chance to think of annihilating all life on this planet!”
Ranma groaned. Couldn't that stupid woman let him suffer in peace? “Would ya jush shut up already?” He snapped, “yer whiny voish ish givin' me a headache. Jush get on with it!”
“Why, of course, Ranma. We aim to please,” Misato's smirk could be heard in her voice. “Launch CAT 1!” She called out cheerfully.
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(Posted Mon, 28 Jul 2008 17:36)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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