[Episode 200379] [Episode 200379]“What's taking that idiot so damn long? He should be back here by now,” Misato said, after Ranma had been gone for at least fifteen minutes. “He only had to change into his plug suit and come back so we can get him into EVA01, that shouldn't take this long.”
“Maybe he's gotten lost?” Aoba suggested.
Ritsuko smirked. “Wouldn't surprise me, considering just who his guardian is.”
“Would you shut up and stop joking around, this is serious!” Misato snapped. “He didn't have any trouble finding his way during the sync-tests. I bet he just passed out, that stupid irresponsible kid. Why did he have to pick today of all days to get drunker than ten Russians?”
If they managed to survive this, Misato was so going to kick that idiot's butt. Not only did he think it a good idea to get pissed despite knowing he was their only defence against the Angels. No, he had to do it with her secret stash of booze she kept for special occasions. Life just wasn't fair.
“Maybe if his guardian had done a better job, we wouldn't be having this problem,” Fuyutsuki said, shooting Misato an angry narrow-eyed stare.
“Hey! This is not my fault!” Misato replied, returning Fuyutsuki's look with a glare of her own.
“Enough of this,” Gendo put an end to their staring contest, his voice cold and emotionless. “Now is not the time for this discussion.” He shot Misato his own pointed look, making it clear that they would have a talk about this incident should they manage to survive.
“You're right, Commander, I'm sorry,” Misato grudgingly ground out, while Fuyutsuki simply sniffed and looked away.
“Sir, the Angel has passed our second defence-ring!” Makoto said suddenly.
“ETA until he arrives here?”
“Five minutes.”
Misato let out a long string of colourful curses. “Where the hell is Ranma?! We need him up there in EVA 01 and we need him NOW!”
“I could go look for him,” Rei piped up, swaying on the chair she had been parked on, still clutching the bottle of Everclear protectively in her arms.
“No!” Misato snapped. “You stay right where you are, you've already done enough damage today!”
“But the Third Child and I are friends now, it is my duty to look for him. Plus, he called me cute,” Rei said, taking another swig from her bottle.
Misato ignored the albino girl's whining. Whining? Rei doesn't whine! Oooh, if we manage to get through this, you're soo dead, Ranma!
“Maya!” Misato snapped.
“Yes?”
“Go get Ranma!”
“Y-yes, Captain!”
“Damn, wha kinda moron deshigned deshe shingsh?” Ranma grumbled as he tried to fight his plug-suit into submission, only managing to get even more tangled up in it. “Fuck this!” He snapped suddenly. “If I ever get my hands on one a them comic-book writers I'm gonna kick his ass! There ain't no way Superman coulda change inta his own spandex-suit like he does without tyin' himself up!”
His sudden energy burst spent, Ranma slumped against the changing room wall and slid down to a sitting position, dozing off slightly...
“Ranma! Ranma!”
...Only to snap instantly awake again when somebody called his name. “Huh? Washad?”
“Ranma, it's me, Maya, are you all right? Do you need help? Can I come in?”
Frowning, Ranma tried to process all of Maya's frantic inquiries at once. “Yeah, yeah,” he mumbled after a few moments.
The door to the changing room opened, and Ranma heard a gasp. Looking up blearily, he saw Maya standing in the doorway, her mouth agape and a light blush on her cheeks.
“What happened?”
“Eh,” Ranma shrugged and waved his right arm – his only limb not somehow entangled in the plug-suit. “Had a little problem gettin' dressed.”
Maya stood in the doorway chewing on her lower lip, an expression of worry on her face. “Ranma, you have to hurry up and pilot the EVA. The Angel has almost reached the Geofront. If you don't go up there and fight, we're all going to die!”
“Yer right,” Ranma nodded decisively. He tried to get up, but his tied up plug-suit made that difficult, and Ranma almost landed on his face again.
“Uhm, do you want me to help you get dressed?” Maya offered.
Ranma grunted, opening his mouth to answer,
“... Burp!”
Waving his hand in front of his mouth, he decided to simply nod his head instead.
Maya walked towards Ranma and grabbed him under his arms. “Okay, here we go,” she said as she helped Ranma to his feet.
As soon as Ranma was standing, if somewhat unsteadily, on his feet, they both tried to somehow get Ranma's right arm also stuffed into the plug-suit, but had only marginal success.
“Nnh,” Maya grunted, pulling on the left arm of the plug-suit and trying to stretch it enough that Ranma would be able to put his arm through it. “How did you manage this, Ranma?” she asked as it became clear that Ranma had put on the plug-suit completely wrong. His left leg was stuck in the right arm of the plug-suit, his right leg in the plug-suit's left, and his left arm was stuck in the opening for the right arm. “You put it on completely wrong! I'm afraid we'll, uh, have to take it off first,” she mumbled, her blush deepening until even her ears were glowing red.
“'sokay,” Ranma murmured, not in the least bit bothered by being nude in front of Maya. He'd never had much personal modesty in the first place, and it was reduced even further in his current inebriated state. “Jush hurry. Haveta kick shome ass.”
Maya only grunted in response, too busy pulling the plug-suit off Ranma's well-muscled form without ogling him too much. This was a lot easier than trying to fit Ranma's arms and legs into the wrong limbs of the plug-suit, and they had Ranma naked in less than thirty seconds.
“Uhm ... we'll have to dress you correctly now. Ca- can you lift your right leg?” Maya stammered.
“Can't we jus' forget about tha shtupid thing an' I go an' fight like this?”
“Ah, I'm afraid not, Ranma,” Maya said. “The plug-suit helps with your synchronisation with the EVA and allows us to monitor your status better. In your current state, this could be vital to our success. Especially since we've never had a drunk pilot sync with an EVA before.”
“'kay. If ya say so.” Ranma put his arm against the changing room wall to help with his balance and raised his right leg. This position gave a perfect few of his genitals, his limp dick hanging almost half-way down his thigh.
Maya knelt down to slip the plug-suit on Ranma's leg, which put her at the same height as the young man's dangly bits. Her position caused her to blush even more, the warmth spreading from her face down her neck and upper chest, to the point where she could feel the blood pounding in her ears, and she was sure she'd be spending enough light to see by if the power suddenly cut out. Despite her best attempts to stay strictly professional she started feeling like a chameleon as she tried to look at what she was doing with one eye while keeping the other eye on Ranma's manhood.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, they accomplished the first step of dressing the pigtailed pilot.
Maya let out a relieved breath. “Now the other leg, Ranma.”
“Hn.” Ranma put his right leg down and lifted his left leg, then started swaying unsteadily, his current position with his right leg inside the plug-suit while Maya was holding the suit stretched out upsetting his precarious balance.
When Maya started tugging on the plug-suit to help Ranma get his leg inside, his swaying worsened, and she straightened up to help him with his balance while still holding onto the suit tightly.
The sudden motion proved too much for Ranma and he toppled over. Maya squawked in surprise and barely managed to catch the half-naked young man in her arms.
“Mmm, ya smell real nice, Maya,” Ranma mumbled, nuzzling into Maya's neck. Then his tongue snaked out of his mouth and started to lick along the technician's shoulder. “And ya taste nice, too.”
“Meep,” said Maya, her eyes and mouth opened wide. When Ranma showed he had no inclination of stopping any time soon and instead started planting kisses along her collarbone, she managed to stutter, “R-r-Ranma, no-now is not the time for this.”
Ranma blinked and raised his head, looking at Maya blearily. “Ah, yer right. Got a little carried away there. Sorry.”
“Tha-that's quite all right, Ranma, no harm done. Let's just finish dressing you,” Maya answered. When she looked down she saw that this little interlude had at least had one good thing, as Ranma had now both legs inside the plug-suit. The young technician quickly pulled the suit up to Ranma's waist, stopping only when it snagged on a certain part of the young man's anatomy. “Uhm, Ranma? Could you, aah, put your, uhm, member inside the plug-suit?”
Ranma blinked confusedly at her in response. “Wha?”
“Your, uhm, member, it's hindering me from pulling the plug-suit up.” Seeing that Ranma still had no idea what the problem was, Maya sighed and steeled herself. Reaching out with one shaking hand, she grabbed Ranma's genitals and stuffed them inside the plug-suit's crotch, then pulled the plug-suit up to Ranma's shoulders. “All right, now your arms.”
Ranma obediently lifted his arms and allowed Maya to stuff them inside the plug-suit. When the young woman hit the button that contracted the suit tightly against Ranma's frame, the young man shivered violently as the air inside the suit was suddenly forced out.
“Okay, Ranma, now let's get you to back to the Command Bridge. I bet Captain Katsuragi is really worried by now.” Maya swung one of Ranma's arms over her shoulder and escorted the pilot towards the entry plug.
As the two were walking through Nerv's headquarters, Ranma nuzzled into Maya's neck again and mumbled into her ear, “Y'know. Yer kinda cute.”
Maya's blush, which had receded slightly in the last few minutes, returned in full force.
“Finally, there they are! What took you so long?” Misato demanded as Ranma and Maya entered the Command Bridge.
“Oh, hey Misato. 'Sup?” Ranma said flippantly, lazily waving with the arm not slung over Maya's shoulder.
“What's up? What's UP? All of humanity is about to be annihilated by an Angel and all you can say is WHAT'S UP?” Misato screamed, her eyebrow twitching frantically. “I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT'S UP! MY BOOT UP YOUR ASS IF YOU DON'T GET INTO THAT DAMN EVA AND KICK SOME ANGEL BUTT RIGHT NOW!”
“Geez, don't get'cher pretty purple panties twisted in a bunch.”
“Somebody get him to the entry plug before I forget myself and shoot him,” Misato got out between gritted teeth.
“Ah, don't be like that, Misato-chan.”
Misato narrowed her eyes, and her hand started creeping towards her side-arm. This had sounded uncomfortably similar to something a certain other male had used to say to her when she had still been attending university.
Ritsuko put a calming hand on Misato's shoulder. “Misato,” she said. “If you shoot him now, we're all going to die. Wait until after he defeated the Angel.”
“Oh, hey, Ritsuko,” Ranma said, only now noticing the blonde scientist. “Y'know, ya should wear yer divin' suit more often. Ya look good in that, it emphasises yer nice bust. Even if they're not quite as big as Misato's yer tits're still nice. And I especially like tha camel toe.”
“Thinking about it, give me your gun, Misato.”
“But you said-”
“I know what I said,” Ritsuko snapped, cutting her friend off. “But we're doomed anyway, sending out a drunk pilot. We might as well gain some last small amount of satisfaction from shooting him before we all die.”
“That's ENOUGH!” Fuyutsuki erupted suddenly. “Stop your senseless bickering and focus on the task at hand!”
“Shut up, old man,” Ranma replied, glaring at Gendo's right hand man. “An' stop tryin' ta order me around or I'll haveta kick yer ass.”
As Ranma and Fuyutsuki entered into a staring match, the soft sound of giggling came from Rei's corner. “You're funny,” she said as all heads turned towards her, then took another swig from her bottle.
“Ey, Rei!” Ranma said. “Gimme tha bottle! I need a little somethin' for on tha way!”
“No!” Rei said, clutching the bottle protectively. “That's mine.”
Ranma tried using the puppy-eyes that had always gotten him what he wanted when he was in his female form. Unfortunately, it only made him look like an idiot. “C'mon, pretty please? Don't be a sourpuss.”
“No,” Rei adamantly shook her head. “But I might give you the bottle, if...”
“If?” Ranma asked eagerly.
“If you get me a puppy!”
“But I don't have a puppy!” Ranma whined.
“Just shut up, both of you!” Misato snapped. “Don't you think you've had enough to drink?”
Ranma looked at his guardian as if she'd grown another head. “Ya want me ta go out there an' fight a giant floatin' dick with tentacles fer arms. What d'ya think?” He deadpanned.
“I don't care! And if you had to fight the Shikima King, I still wouldn't let you drink any more!” Misato said, putting all of her authority into her voice. Then she continued in a softer tone, “Now will you please go out there and fight the Angel?”
Ranma narrowed his eyes, looking from Misato to the bottle of Everclear in Rei's hand.
Maya softly touched Ranma's hand. When the young man looked down at her, she asked, “Please, Ranma?”
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(Posted Thu, 24 Jul 2008 23:06)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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