Inside the hotel room Chaos reigned supreme. Sailor Moon was stupidly standing there, completely out of it and at a loss for words; Sailor Mercury hid outside of the room, still in blushing mode, cursing herself for her irrational behavior a few moments ago; Sailor Jupiter was lost in a naughty daydream containing a naked Ranma, bucket loads of whipped cream, chains, and herself in a dominatrix outfit; Sailor Venus was running around like a headless chicken, shouting Helen Lovejoy’s catchphrase “Won't somebody please think of the children!?”
The only one acting somewhat rationally in her irrationality was Sailor Mars. Her hands were interlaced but for her two index fingers which were pointing outwards, while a fireball forming in front of them.
But before she could launch her attack at Kassy, Ranma had already reacted and materialized in front of her, landing a hard punch in her gut. The fireball disappeared in thin air as the unprepared girl folded in two, much to the shock of the other senshi who finally got out of their stupor, as they were witnessing the absurdity taking place in front of their eyes. A simple human who was able to hurt them that easily? Impossible, but yet, they couldn’t deny what they were seeing.
The martial artist, to Sailor Mars’ dismay wasn’t finished with the hotheaded senshi by a long shot. NO ONE attacked his girlfriend, especially not in his presence. She was the first girl who genuinely loved him for himself and not because of honor or false promises. This called for an exemplary punishment and the pigtailed martial artist was ready to deliver. It was true that fighting girls was not something he enjoyed, but the reason was not because he was a chauvinistic pig who thought that girls were weak, Akane’s opinion notwithstanding. No, there was in fact a very simple explanation. He loved challenges and especially fighting opponents stronger than he was. The sad fact was simply that all the girls he had met so far were in fact much weaker than he was, except for Cologne. And no one could ever say that he refused fighting the old ghoul.
Now, Sailor Mars on the other hand, as far as he could tell, was tough and could take a few punches. Thus he had no qualms putting her in her place. A vicious right hook and a kick to the head later and Sailor Mars was sailing through the air and impacting the wall near the door with high velocity, crashing through it and leaving a large hole and some of her teeth in the wake.
Ranma let out a heavy sigh when he saw the rest of the magical girls getting ready to retaliate. “I hate my life!” He ranted. “Sometimes I really got the impression I’m just a plaything for some prankster gods or insane fan fiction writers.”
I another dimension, a well-known and popular fanfic writer sneezed. “Bless you,” Dumbledork’s coworker said. “Did you catch a cold?”
“No, I don’t think so. Maybe someone’s talking about me.”
The two of them looked at each other before shaking their heads. “Naaaaaah!” They exclaimed in unison. “That only happens in manga or anime.”
In another plane of existence altogether, some of the aforementioned prankster gods were having the time of their life and rolling on the floor laughing.
“Did---Did you see that?” Toltiir asked Loki between laughs. “BAM! Right in the kisser. This never gets old. I simply love the martial artist. He’s more entertaining than Benny Hill and Mr. Bean put together.”
“Yeah. Ha ha ha! And to think… Ha ha ha… that the boy managed all of that so far without our invention. I’m actually proud of my boy,” Loki said as he shed a fake tear.
“I know what you mean,” Toltiir answered after he had calmed down a bit. “I’m really glad we stumbled upon this particular ‘Ranma’ dimension. It has so much potential. So what do you think? Should we spice things up a bit?
“Anything particular in mind? I know that gleam in your eyes. You already have an idea, am I right?”
The elder God of Mischief nodded his head. “It’s just a small thing and it might not produce any results, but if it does, the entertainment factor will rise exponentially. After that I suggest we leave that universe alone and just enjoy the chaos.” Toltiir then went on and explained his plan. “Did you get that? Good. Now, don’t take your eyes off Sailor Mercury’s visor.”
Back at the motel things were still going in full swing. Ranma was standing at the ready just waiting for the senshi to try something, but the girls were hesitating and just stared incredulously at the pigtailed boy who had so easily defeated one of them. At that moment Mercury’s visor started to beep. She activated it and her eyes grew wide at the message displayed ‘SAILOR SALUSIA AND SOL KNIGHT LOCATED’.
But before she had the time to inform her fellow team members, Ranma’s ‘chaos factor’ kicked in, and that was something not even the Gods could predict. Not far away another commotion was taking place, this one caused by a man who had angrily stomped out of the room next to theirs, shouting about the unfairness of life and his nookie time being interrupted by some stupid bitches who should know their place. “Can’t a paying customer expect some peace? I’ve paid good money for the room, and I don’t take kindly to people interrupting my fun.”
All the onlookers on the corridor were glaring at the man who had the audacity to interrupt their new favorite soap, but were surprised to see the man’s face go ashen white and he do an incredible rendition of Edvard Munch’s ‘The Scream’ when he recognized just who he had been shouting at. Poor Mamoru started to shiver when he saw the glare his girlfriend was sending his way, but to his surprise the expected explosion didn’t take place. He had expected to bear witness to one of her usual childish temper tantrums, but this was much worse. An irate, bitching girlfriend he could deal with, but a cold, calculating Usagi was in a league of her own.
He just prayed that she would focus on his presence alone and not try to find out who his lover was. He valued his life too much for what. But apparently, karma was once again being a bitch, and so it happened that a loud, albeit sleepy, feminine voice was heard out of his room, just before the owner of said voice came out. Now, the voice in itself already set the warning bells off in Usagi’s head, but when the Moon Princess saw the person the voice belonged to, her anger left her completely and was replaced with a feeling of absolute betrayal.
“MOM?!” Sailor Moon shouted in a disbelieving tone. Streams of tears were flowing out of her eyes as she ran away, and there was just one thought on her mind, getting away as fast and as far as possible and crawl into a hole never to see the light of the day again.
The other senshi couldn’t believe their eyes and were shocked at the drama taking place in front of them. But they were a lot more rational than their friend and had only one thing in mind: punishing the bastard who had betrayed Usagi’s trust once again, and with her mother to boot. They ganged up on him and beat him within an inch of his life, his regenerative powers as the Prince of Earth being the only thing allowing him to survive.
Too bad Ikuko Tsukino had already run away. But since they knew where to find her they vowed to make her pay later.
“Don’t think this is over,” Sailor Jupiter warned the unfaithful man, “there WILL be repercussions, and you won’t like them.” She then stormed out of the motel with the other senshi, who were frantically trying to locate Usagi, fearing that the distressed girl might do something stupid and irreversible. The message displayed by Sailor Mercury’s visor was completely forgotten as said senshi had bigger fish to fry, namely locating their princess.
Ranma and Kassy were standing in their motel room and were at a loss for words. The pigtailed boy had always thought that stuff like this only happened in Nerima. “Well, that was a mood killer,” he nonchalantly stated. “Let’s get out of here. But don’t forget to change back. I don’t think people have noticed yet with all the noise the senshi have been making, but better be safe than sorry.”
Kassy complied and they left the building.
A few minutes later the motel manager looked at the damages and started to weep at the destruction. He knew he shouldn’t have opened his business in this ward. But when he saw how cheap real estate was in Juuban he just had to move there. After all, what were the chances that the youma would choose his building for an attack. He should at least have bought that ‘supernatural damage’ insurance policy. But he planned on doing that as soon as possible.
“What should we do next?” The martial artist asked..
“No idea,” she answered. “How about having some ice cream?”
Ranma’s eyes lit up at that. She had just said the magic words. He loved ice cream and could never get enough of that stuff. Kassy really was the ideal girlfriend. Not only did she initiate him to sex, but she also liked ice cream. Things were finally looking up for him he thought. Now, if he could only get rid of his unwanted fiancées life would be perfect.
Well, ice cream first, planning next. When the couple passed a fountain, Ranma splashed himself with some cold water, which puzzled Kassy. Before the half-Salusian could ask, her boyfriend satisfied her curiosity. “Ice cream tastes better as a girl, and the counter boys are suckers for a cute smile. Just watch and learn from the master.”
They entered the ice cream parlor and Ranma immediately got up to the counter and flirted shamelessly with the poor boy, swindling him out of some extra scoops for her girlfriend and herself. They sat down at a table and the pigtailed teen grinned at her girlfriend. “See? That’s how you do it.”
Kassy was impressed by the technique and was determined to learn it too. The pair was contently eating their frozen treats and making plans for the future.
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(Posted Sat, 25 Oct 2008 06:19)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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