“Son, where did you learn those pressure points?” asked Nodoka.
“Uh, Tofu?” was Ranma’s plaintive response. Nodoka’s resulting glare silenced the boy for giving a seemingly glib response. Ranma shivered and squirmed as he wracked his Konoha self’s brain for a scapegoat. Oh no…that can’t be the answer. That can’t possibly be the excuse Mihoshi’s magic concocted for my art. No way. I mean yeah it was an art created by a pervert, but come on.
Sarutobi watched the play of emotions across young Ranma’s face. The cycling between consternation, horror, and resignation would’ve been amusing under other circumstances. Finally something akin to a firm resolution set into the boy, as Ranma seemed to ready himself for an answer.
Nabiki watched in horror as Saotome was going to blow it. Life in Ninja jail or execution was a possibility and there was no way to spin the answers. Her only hope was that Saotome wouldn’t sink her as well.
Staring at his mother and no one else, Ranma replied “Special 3, Story 2, pages 87-95.”
In a burst of speed, Nodoka crossed the room. Embracing Ranma, Nodoka cooed “Oh my manly boy, Mommy’s so sorry. I should’ve realized from the description of the Medic-nin Diagnosis technique you used; the location of the pressure points should’ve been a dead give away as well. The stealth technique used to retrieve Yakumo was from Special 1, Story 1, page 5?”
“Actually it was the normal series, Book 2, Beginning of Arc 2, pages 73-81” replied Ranma. “It’s a better technique, but harder to utilize”
The rest of the room gaped at the 180 conducted by Nodoka, and the seemingly coded responses between the two family members left the room in confusion.
“Nodoka, what’s going on?” asked Kimiko Tendo.
“Oh my son learned these techniques from…” Nodoka was silenced by a frantic looking Ranma, who had placed his hand over his mother’s mouth.
“Heheheehehe. No need to be hasty, I mean…” Ranma’s response was cut off as his mother reversed his hold.
“Son there’s no need to be uptight” an even more frantic looking Ranma struggled mightily against his mother’s bizarrely inhuman strength. It was a Strength that was only achieved by mothers with information that was eternally embarrassing. “As I was saying, the techniques come from my favorite series, Icha Icha Paradise”
The resulting face fault shook the tower.
Ranma’s babbled response filled the Hokage with a mixture of horror and amusement. “You don’t understand, mom wouldn’t give me any technique scrolls and she considered the books required reading and after reading the books I realized that the techniques were actually real and…”
“Of course the techniques were real; it would interfere with the suspension of disbelief otherwise” sniffed Nodoka.
“Because the exploits in Icha Icha resonate with the realities of ninja life” deadpanned Kimiko.
Kimiko glanced at Nabiki “And how do you fit into this young lady?”
Sorting through her Konoha self’s memories, Nabiki shot back “After I caught Saotome practicing a ‘wind technique’ gleaned from the books…”
“Hey kid, can you tell us the Seal order for the wind technique in Special 2, Story 2, page 55” queried a dog faced ANBU member.
“You mean to say we trusted my Daughter’s health to an academy student whose only concept of Medic-Nin skills is from porn?” plaintively wailed Yakumo’s Father.
A loud cough from Sarutobi, silenced the chaos his office devolved into. “Ranma we must ask that you demonstrate the techniques you learned at a later date to have the techniques listed in the forbidden scrolls. The wind technique is to be designated as S rank forbidden, you are forbidden from teaching anyone the technique….”
“And finally Ranma although you are a true genius with your jutsu creation, I must ask you to restrain yourself from creating any new techniques based upon Icha Icha Paradise” Sarutobi ended his speech looking at the rather disgruntled crowd assembled before him. The Kurama clan were not happy, but were mollified with the result. Nodoka was beaming at her son while her friend Kimiko alternated sighing at her friend’s antics and muttering dire imprecations at Ranma for having caught her daughter in “that” technique. Yakumo, Ranma, and Nabiki looked relieved, although the pained expression across the boy’s face spoke volumes.
As the members turned to file out, they found the door barred by a wildly grinning Naruto and a sheepish looking Iruka.
“Uh, how much did ya hear?” asked Ranma.
“Starting at pressure points, Mr. Saotome” replied Iruka. Ranma’s shoulder visibly slumped with that information.
“Well I guess I’ll see ya tomorrow” was Ranma’s morose reply.
“See ya tomorrow, Icha Icha Ninja” replied Naruto. Ranma’s facefault shook the tower.
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(Posted Mon, 12 Jan 2009 16:40)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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