The relative peace of Pluto’s cold, icy surface was rudely interrupted by a large grey spaceship soaring over. Crashing into, and thus destroying, another monument, it slowed to a near stop, and hovered over the surface. Inside, a couple of annoying voices squabbled with each other.
“You know, man,” the tall, green one said, “you sure we should be goin’ ta see her right now? You know, after what’s happened an’ all?”
“Don’t give me that, Emory!” the shorter, orange one yelled back. “Ve go vhere ve vant, vhen ve vant, and talk to whoever the hell ve vant! Because ve are badass and no vone dares mess vith us, the raging Plutonian ass-tearers, because our ship is so fast!”
“Yeah, man, whatever…”
“And besides, ve should be able to speak with the main representative of our planet, only it’s not a planet anymore, because some stupid representative vas too busy getting high on Venusian Red to show up to the Annual Galactic Conference, and they booted us from the Solar System planet list! And she calls us the screw-ups!”
“Uh, dude, wasn’t it, you know, our job to remind her that the time and place of the conference had changed? You know, instead of getting high on that same weed, and going rollerblading on Saturn?”
“Oh, it’s alvays about her, isn’t it? ‘I’m the Senshi of Pluto, and I control the flow of time! And I have beautiful green hair as vell!’ She can go fornicate herself vith that oversized staff of hers for all I care!”
“Well, dude, you really shouldn’t say that about her.”
“Vatch me, Emory!”
“I mean, you remember what happened last time you said something like that to her? You said that her green hair made it look like she washed it with xenomorph blood? And then she put both of us through that woodchipper?”
“Yah, I remember.”
“And how much it hurt?”
“Yah, yah, it hurt a lot.”
“I mean, that’s why we look like we do now.”
“And vhy ve no longer have our badass looks! Damn her! She’s taken everything from us!”
“Dude, um, why are we even trying to go see her right now? You know she’s just gonna get mad again.”
*
Meanwhile, down on the planet…er…whatever’s surface, Haruka and Michiru had temporarily passed out, just in time for Setsuna to glimpse the familiar spacecraft in the Time Gates.
“Oh no,” she groaned. “Not them again…”
*
“I told you, Emory, I don’t care vhat that frigid bitch thinks!” In between his sentences (if you could call them that), Setsuna’s angry face suddenly appeared on their megascreen. Emory noticed her right away, while Oglethorpe remained oblivious with his back turned. “She and her skirt-vearing bimbo friends are nothing but losers saying ‘Look at me! I’m a hot frauline in a schoolgirl uniform!’ while bossing people like us around! Screw her! The next time I see her, I’ll-”
“You’ll do what?” the Senshi’s angry voice seethed.
“Oh no!” he suddenly screamed. “She’s come after us to put us through the voodchipper again! Run for you life, Emory! Don’t look back, and just run! She’s going to kill us!”
“SHUT UP!” she yelled, causing the two to stop in their tracks. “I thought I told you squatters never to bother me here! In case you’ve forgotten, I’ve banished you to the other side of the planet!”
“Uh, it’s not really a planet any-”
“Utter another syllable, and it’s the woodchipper again!”
They both remained silent.
“Anyway, I just want you to know, that if I hadn’t promised Serenity that I would never turn my back on a fellow Plutonian, I would banish you into the depths of the time stream right now!”
“Yah, we appreciate that an’ all-“
“Silence! I don’t want to see either of you around here again, so get lost and stay-”
“Hey, Setsuna, who are you talking to?” a voice came from the background.
“Uh, nobody!” she said, turning her head from the screen. “Just a few troublemakers, I’ll get rid of them!” She turned back to the screen with a growl. “Get lost, squatters!” The screen went blank.
After a few seconds of silence, Emory spoke up. “Dude, I told’ya she’d be mad.”
“Yah, vhatever. Let’s go find something else to do.”
“Uh, dude, just asking an’ all, how did you get your hands on that Venus weed?”
“Oh, I swiped it vone time, when they were all getting high. They never saw me coming, because I am the ultimate Plutonian ninja, and I master stealth in all its forms!”
“Yeah, dude, whatever. Still, though…you got any left? I mean, I could really go for some chilling out after that just now!”
“Yah, sounds like a good idea.”
*
Setsuna sighed in relief when the ugly craft finally disappeared.
“So, who were those guys again?” Haruka asked.
“I told you, just some punks passing by. They were drunk, or something.”
“Oh, you mean like those frat freaks? You remember when they came and tried to hit on us and the other girls?”
“Yeah.”
“And how one just wouldn’t leave me alone? Well, one World Shaking later and BOOM! Where’s your dad’s dealership now, punk? Ha ha ha!”
Before Setsuna could laugh as well, the ugly spacecraft returned, zooming all over the place. Screams of stoned laughter could be heard coming from the ship, even from the distance they were at.
“Whoa,” Haruka said. “Whoever’s driving that thing must be higher than us!”
Dammit, not again! Not while they’re awake! Thinking quickly to herself, she finally just frowned. Oh, the hell with it. Raising her staff, a time rift appeared in space, just in time for the zigzagging craft to disappear into it.
“There. Now, they won’t be bothering us anymore.”
“You know I could’ve sworn I’d seen that ship somewhere before…”
“That’s just the grass talking. Here, let’s see what someone else is up to.”
*
It was at times like this that Ukyo was glad to have a giant spatula. Its surface area acted as a quite useful shield against projectiles, and a barrage of golden-brown feces thrown by pineapple monsters was no exception.
She had no idea where the monsters had come from (though she wondered whether it had anything to do with the new “exchange student” Ranma and Akane had brought with them). Only that they had the arms and legs of monkeys, bodies that looked like giant, drooling pineapples, and the tendency to scream and throw their own waste like monkeys. They had appeared at her shop, nearly covering the place, as well as the customers that hadn’t already fled, in waste. She had tried to fight them off, but there were simply too many of them, as was further proven when she had retreated. Outside, she could hear the screams of both monster and human, and the smell of feces was becoming more prevalent.
Whatever the hell these things are, I can’t fight them off myself! she thought. I have to find Ran-chan and Akane-chan, and get them to help me. But where could they be?
Read the comments on this episode
(Posted Sun, 31 May 2009 22:14)
Questions? Problems? Suggestions?
Send a mail to addventure@bast-enterprises.de
or use the contact form.
らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
All other series and their characters are © by their respective creators or owners. No claims of ownership of these characters are implied by the authors of this Addventure, or should be inferred.
The Anime Addventure is a non-profit site.