"Here we are again folks, this time at the Australian Adventure part of the race!" said a smiling male face that would not have been out of place on TV News. "I'm Biff Biffwell, commentator and the two with me need no introductions to race enthusiasts.""I'm Dick Dastardly, and this is my henchdog Muttley," said the really old-looking guy in the purple Italian suit.
The very very old-looking dog wheezed but managed to wave to the cameras.
"Well, Dick," said Biff, "it looks like old grudges remain."
"Always, Biff, always," said Dick. "Nothing's changed in that regard."
"Race fans might remember that Car # 4 is driven by Mousse of the Nichieju," said Biff. "He's sort of moved into your specialty, hasn't he Dick?"
"It's nice to see the old traditions of dishonorable combat, hidden weapons, and large-scale property damage continued," admitted Dick. "It just wouldn't be the World Cup without it."
"I'm told the explosive waterfowl had to go, PETA even objected to the duck-shaped training potties," said Biff.
"There are times I miss the old days," admitted Dick. "Right Muttley?"
The dog took the oxygen mask away from his muzzle to nod in agreement.
"They even want me to put Muttley down because of his age, that I'm making him suffer," said Dick Dastardly.
Muttley made a gesture towards the camera that censors were quick to mask over.
"Now now Muttsley, this is a family program," chided Dick.
"Race fans may remember that Mousse has a long-standing grudge with Ranma Saotome, apparently started over hair soap and an incident involving a young Chinese girl, a mixed bathing hot spring, three orders of spring dumplings, and a yak," said Biff.
"I've never quite understood how the yak got involved," admitted Dick.
Muttley made a tsk-tsk noise.
"Of course there's the fierce rivalry between Haruka Ten'ou in Car #3, and Car #7 - Ranma Saotome.
"Rivalries ARE important," admitted Dick Dastardly. "I'm personally rooting for Mousse to win. Winning would be the best revenge."
"I think you're the only one," said Biff. "Oh, look at that, Car #5 with Ryoga Hibiki is charging to the attack."
"SAOTOME, COME HERE AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!" roared someone from within Car #5.
"And there goes, Car #3, cutting in their smokescreen," said Biff. "Will it be enough to throw Hibiki off their tracks?"
"Will Hibiki ever figure out that Haruka Ten'ou is a girl who just likes to dress in a masculine fashion?" asked Dick. "Will he ever stop getting the cars confused? It's not like he doesn't have grudges against half the playing field anyway."
H.O.T.A.R.U. sat in the chair, buckled in and eyeing the displays.
"Hotaru-chan, how we doing?" asked Ranma, who was mainly concentrating on speed and dodging the occasional projectile.
The seeming-young girl blinked once. "All systems green, big brother. Minor damage to left rear armor from detonation of mini-missiles. We have used one shot of bakaballs in pre-detonating those."
"Good, next time ya get a shot, give Ten'ou a reply," said Ranma. "Use the goop missile."
Hotaru brought up the relevant systems and watched. She remembered though.
Ident: Human Organism Terminating Articulated Robot Unit - 01.
She had blinked open her eyes, hearing the sounds of conflict. How appropriate she should awaken under such circumstances.
Purpose: Obey Activating Individual, aka "Master"
Purpose: Protect Master
Purpose: Destroy humans, their pets, farm animals, and so on.Then a head popped up into her field of vision. "Are you okay?"
Master had requested data. "H.O.T.A.R.U. 01 unit fully functional."
"Uhm, well, you don't sound okay," said the boy. "Come on, we gotta get you out of here."
H.O.T.A.R.U. began a self-diagnostic and burst her restraints. Master wanted her to accompany him, therefore she would do so.
"Whoa," said the boy, checking out the little girl's strength+black bodysuit+obvious martial arts. "You some kind of ninja gal?"
Reference found. Ninja = assassin. "Affirmative."
"Oh?" asked the boy. "Well, I'm Ranma. Come along this way."
That had been two (two point nine seven) years ago, and her programming had altered somewhat. He had explained that he wanted her to act more human, and so she had. She had become his ninja retainer/little sister. Killing all humans and their pets and farm animals had been altered to defeating them, per another conversation, and one didn't challenge weak opponents per another conversation.
Mission parameters had changed, but protecting her big brother/sensei/master remained a primary goal. Assisting him in these challenges was only logical.
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(Posted Thu, 24 Sep 2009 18:07)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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