"Are they coming, Darling?"
Tariko nodded as she hung up the phone. "Yep. Ryôko-chan promised that she'll have her brother gassed before he's dragged back to his place and given the dressing-down by his parents." She stared at Kuohu. "You sure that shield will hold in place? After all, Benten really did a number on that airhead's nose."
A nod. "Quite easy," the raven-haired free warrior said. "She is full of passion, but lacks both the training and discipline to put it properly to use." A shrug. "Besides, given the way she has viewed your heart-mate in the past, I think her first reaction will be to get to her ship's communications suite to contact your father and spread the word."
Hearing that, Tariko shuddered before she gazed on Lum. The Oni blinked on sensing her wife's gaze fall on her, and then she looked over. "What is it, Darling?"
In a flash, she was in Tariko's embrace, the Terran about to break down and cry as she held her beloved tight against her. "We finally made it, Lum," she whispered into Lum's ear before she started to tenderly kiss her cheek. "We finally made it…!"
The Oni was trying not to burn up in embarrassment. "Darling…"
Polite giggles echoed from the living room. "Hey, Lum! Isn't this what you've always wanted from Ataru?" Ranma asked as she sipped her tea.
"Tcha, Ranma, it is!" Lum said as she walked her wife over so they could sit around the living room table. "But even now, after all we've been through…!"
"It'll be a change to go from a secret relationship to an open one," Hôsen noted.
"Tcha…"
"Oh, relax, Lum! You'll make it!" Ekitoku said as she reached over to draw Enjô into a one-armed embrace. "Hell, once you get rid of the dorks here, dealing with whatever else Oyuki there mentioned when you did your oath with Tariko is easy!"
A sigh. "Actually, you're wrong, Ekitoku-san. The real hard one's coming soon."
The tôshi tensed. "Who are you talking about?" Unchô demanded.
Lum stared at her, and then she sighed. "A man named Ôgi, Unchô-san. Ôgi ot'ndai-Zkuhsbagh. He's currently the president of the Union of Phentax Two…" She then blinked as laughter escaped one person in the room. "What is it, Ranma?!"
The red-haired martial artist had tears in her eye as she was slapping the table. "Hey! Hey! Ma-chan, take it easy! You'll break the table!" Hakufu warned.
"S-s-sorry…!" Ranma sputtered as she tried to get control over herself. "I just had to laugh at hearing this creep's name." She then quoted, "Ôgi Scumbag?!"
Hearing that, all those who had command of English stared at her, and then they broke down in laughter. "What?! What the hell are you guys laughing at?!" Benten asked.
"'Scumbag,' Benten," Tariko affirmed. "It's an English slang term for someone you hold with great contempt. Another way to say it is 'Scuzzbag.'"
The Fukunokami blinked, and then she roared with laughter. "Oh, that rich!"
More laughter filled the room from almost all seated there save Ataru, who was simply relaxing close to Kyech and At'at'at' and sipping his tea. Kyech also wasn't laughing, though she did have an amused smile on her face. "So what is it about this guy, Lum-chan?" Hôsen then wondered. "You don't sound like you like him too much."
"Well, by himself, Hôsen-san, he's actually quite harmless and easy to manipulate," the Oni noted. "But unfortunately, as I said earlier, he's the president of his own planet-state. He's my age, actually." A sigh. "Twenty worlds, including the homeworld. Almost fifteen billion people." Her voice then went even as she added, "And they all, to one extent or another, worship me as a living goddess."
Silence.
"What…?" Ekitoku spat out.
"Is that a joke…?" Kôkin demanded.
"It's no joke, everyone."
Eyes locked on Hiromi, who sat to her sister's right. "Ôgi-san is of a race of humanoids that have the talent to be able to literally copy the technology, social structures and cultural mores of anything that catches their interest," the reborn Emperor Líng stated. "In a sense of the term, they're chameleons. And they've been at this for so long, they can't possibly begin to imagine trying to form something that was created by THEMSELVES for THEMSELVES." A shake of the head. "Altering themselves and their society when they confront something they believe to be better and superior than what they had before. And in doing so, they select a person or group of people as their 'holy icon.' At this time, my sister-in-law." She indicated Lum.
More silence.
"Oh, I get it now!" Hakufu stated. "They're like that race in that one classic Star Trek episode!" As people look at her, the blonde tôshi returned their look. "That place where the people there were given a book by the last starship that visited there, one based on the story of the Chicago mobsters like Al Capone…"
"And they turned around and rebuilt their whole society to reflect that!" Shimei cut in. "Everyone with weapons of one sort or another, bosses controlling whole swaths of land as their 'territory,' hits on each other just like it gets between our schools at times." As the others in the room quickly nodded in understanding, she then turned to Lum. "So they've based themselves on Urusian society?"
"Not just Urusian society, Ryomô-san," Oyuki said. "It is, in fact, a very warped version of a mixture of Urusian technology with a lifestyle more based on the citizens of the very town we now are in." She pointed down to the floor to emphasise her point. "As Lum-chan stated at the start, she is considered a living goddess to the people of Phentax Two and her colony worlds." She pointed out the window. "Mendô, Megane and his three friends are her 'holy apostles,' just like in the Christian Bible. Benten, myself and several other friends of Lum-chan's here on Earth and in space are her 'holy friends,' like the apostles who once served Jesus. Ran-chan and Shinobu Miyake are considered the 'sinful doubters.' And Tariko-chan…" — She looked at Ataru as she said this — "…or rather I should say Ataru…"
"'The Great Evil,'" Tariko finished with a smirk.
"Holy fuck…!" Ekitoku breathed out.
"That's unbelievable," Unchô hissed.
"Believe it," Tariko stated as she sat back. "You know, if they kept it confined to their own solar system, I don't think people would mind it so much." She then shook her head. "But when you turn something into a religion, you then have to deal with religious fanatics! That's what the vast majority of these people are, everyone." She indicated Lum. "Five years ago, a dictator from a planet named Vos decided to kill Lum and her family because they offered shelter to a famous dissident whom said dictator viewed as a personal enemy. Thanks very much to a very strong and powerful warrior from Benten's homeworld — this girl can even give Kyech a run for her money — the dictator failed. The instant Ôgi got wind of it, he launched an intersystem, warp-capable missile on Vos' capital city, Lecashuto."
"It was a biological warfare attack," Lum then said, her voice breaking as her eyes filled with tears. "Engineered version of what we call Hifuto Syndrome, the outer-space version of your Ebola virus." She closed her eyes as she leaned against Tariko's side, gently grasping her arms. "Five million innocent people died because of that."
Even more silence.
"Oh, gods…!" Shimei breathed out.
"Yeah," Tariko said as she moved to comfort Lum. "So that's why, for the last year and more, Lum and I have been forced to play this damned game. She acting like she was married to Ataru while I, as Ataru, did my best to keep her at arms' length." She glanced at Oyuki and Benten. "For that, ladies, I do apologise for…"
"Hey, Tariko! It's cool," Benten told her. "Forget about it."
"Indeed, Tariko-chan," Oyuki added with a nod. "We realised the reasons you felt you had to do when you told us last night that you knew of Ôgi and what he created."
Tariko blinked. "Dômo."
"But you've clearly decided it's time to end all that," Unchô stated.
"Hai, we did," Tariko said. "The Second Tag Race forced that on us."
Lum nodded. "Despite the fact that I am a lesbian, my family did owe a debt of honour to Rupa's great-grandfather Upa for his saving the life of my own great-grandfather Traveler years ago." A sigh. "And while I'm more than happy that they've withdrawn that claim so that Rupa can marry Carla, the whole thing made me finally realise that if I don't take a stand now and take control of my life, I'm going to find myself slammed into a relationship I don't want. Especially if it's with a man. It's MY life to live! And I'm tired of twisting my life to bow to OTHER people's desires. Here on Earth, back home on Uru and ESPECIALLY with those idiots on Phentax Two!"
"So after Nengmek'i came down and put everyone into the burn wards at the hospitals here in town for a while, we took my parents and flew to Tengsei, the nearest Noukiite colony to Earth in the Alpha Centauri," Tariko added. "Sat down and talked with the governors of the three colonies closest to us, plus the Chancellor of the Outmarches. She's the senior minister-in-charge of all the colonies on the border between Noukiios and the worlds of the Galactic Federation; the girl who stands between the governors and the Empress." A sigh. "We showed them — and it really didn't take much to convince them, of course — that Earth was now under dire threat by the Church of Lum. And because we can't depend on Lum's people to help keep the Niphentaxians at bay due to political problems on Uru, we had to turn to Noukiios for protection. In the wake of that, the Chancellor — she's actually an old friend of Kyech's; her childhood name's Kaep' — declared Earth a protectorate of the Dominion." A smirk. "The official announcement is tomorrow at noon Tôkyô time."
"Oh, my! So soon?" Oyuki asked.
Lum nodded before she gave her friend and lover a look. "Oyuki-chan, aren't you getting tired of them spying on your diaries so they can write their 'holy book?'"
A snort. "Of course I am, Lum-chan! You know that!"
"What's this?" Ranma asked.
A sigh. "The Church's holy book — The Book of Lum — is actually composed of copies of the diaries of everyone that are seen as part of my 'holy company.' But these aren't actual true copies. They're heavily edited and rewritten to follow the basic party line, especially when it comes to Darling." Noting the shocked and disbelieving looks on the faces of some of their guests, Lum breathed out. "Say Oyuki-chan here goes back to her palace on Triton and writes about Darling turning himself from Ataru to Tariko all just to make me happy. When that entry in her diary is copied — I've a good idea how it's done, but I don't have proof positive of it — and transcribed into her 'holy book,' the whole theme of the entry would be recast into telling future readers that the Great Evil has taken advantage of the Goddess' true sexual needs to trick her into turning her away from Her Holy Company."
Silence.
"They're completely loony," Ranma breathed out.
"Yeah, Ranma," Tariko noted. "Fifteen billion of these loons. And, oh, yeah, they've got three thousand battleships the equal of the ship Lum's dad commands — that's the one that came here at the First Tag Race — along with millions of trained ground troops, a whole fleet of planet-destroyer class flying guns as powerful and almost as unstoppable as that one the Enterprise fought in 'The Doomsday Machine'…" She paused on seeing many of the people in the room pale on hearing that dire statement, and then she shook her head. "Welcome to the real galaxy, folks."
"Why can't you just target this Ôgi directly?" Hôsen asked. "One shot and he's dead. If he's such a dictator, taking him out might make the whole thing fall apart."
"It just might be that simple, Hôsen-san, but I'm not going to risk the lives of nearly eight billion people here on Earth on making that assumption," Lum noted.
The others took this in, and then they nodded in understanding.
A while later…
"They're all gone now," Ranma stated.
"Not surprising," Tariko mused, noting that Ranma was staring out the window of the Moroboshi home onto the front lawn. Out there, Kuohu and Kyekkyek were exchanging war stories with Unchô, Ekitoku and Enjô, with Seuchsa nearby nibbling on the grass. Also out on the lawn was Kyech and At'at'at'. Kotatsuneko, the giant mi-ke cat ghost who had lived in Tomobiki for some time and often could be found enjoying tea with Cherry, Mark Onsen or the Tomobiki High School principal, had wandered by and, much to his surprise, caught the Dragonspeaker's attention. After she had crooned out "Pretty kitty!" and hugged him, nearly squeezing the afterlife out of him with her boulder-shattering hugs, she dragged him onto the front lawn to pet him. Of course, Kotatsuneko had been immediately attracted by the warmth and gentle petting of the strange alien girl that now held him in her lap (even if he did find her initial hug a little much!). Ranma had been more than relieved when Kyech had intercepted him before he could wander into the house and trigger another panic attack thanks to her experience with the Neko-ken years before. Hôsen, Kôdai and Kôkin had gone back home for the day. Hiromi and Hakufu were in the kitchen chatting with Benten and Oyuki. Shimei was at the table enjoying a cup of tea. Ataru was seated where he had been all the time, the back of his shirt hiked up. Lum was behind him.
"Are you going to deactivate me for the day, Lum?" Ataru asked.
Lum shook her head. "No, Ataru. I'll just make sure that your fuel cells are all topped off and we'll let you keep going all day; you can recharge tonight. We may need you to put in an appearance between now and tomorrow at noon just in case some of the busybodies here decide to prove troublesome now that the news is getting out."
A nod. "I understand."
Tariko smirked as she gazed on the android replica of her male self, and then she noted that Shimei was staring in curiosity at him. "What is it, Mimôko-san?" she asked.
Shimei perked, and then she sighed. "Seems to be a lot of trouble to create an android of your boy side just to use him for only a few days," she mused. "Didn't Lum have a clone gun she once used on you some months ago?"
Tariko blinked, and then she laughed on remembering that incident. "Oh, yeah! That was when Ran tried to get a date with me so she could try to suck my youth out and get her revenge on Lum!" She turned to Lum. "How many clones was it at the end, Lum?"
The Oni hummed for a moment. "Oh, I think it was about ten thousand." She then shook her head as she sealed tenderly Ataru's back circuit hatch with a small dosage of her bio-electricity. "There you go, Ataru! As good as human!"
The android hummed. "You're lucky I was programmed to ENJOY your zaps, Lum!"
"Well, they DO recharge your secondary power cells."
Laughter filled the room on hearing that playful banter between them. Tariko glanced over to see Shimei still staring at Ataru, and then she smiled. "Would you like to go on a date with him, Mimôko-san?" As the blue-haired tôshi stared wide-eyed at her, Tariko smirked. "Just because he's an android underneath it all that doesn't mean he's any less human than anyone in this room. Lum's friend on Zeiwan who built him for us always does excellent work." She waved to Ataru. "Go ahead! Don't be shy!"
Shimei jolted, and then she chuckled. "I'm sorry," she apologised before sighing. "I've always wondered what it was like for Nozomi-chan when that priestess called her spirit forward to spend the day with you before she became happy enough to finally ascend to Heaven." She had confessed her relationship to Nozomi Uneme some minutes before her fellow tôshi had left to return to their homes to rest for the rest of a very nice Sunday. "I might have actually been tempted to come here and ask you for a date directly, Tariko. As Ataru, of course." She winked at her, and then she stared at the android Ataru. "Ataru, would you like to go out with me today?"
Ataru blinked, and then he was immediately at her side. "Mimôko-san, I'll be more than happy to give you the time of your life!" he passionately declared.
"Tune it down, Ataru!" Tariko snapped as Shimei tried not to laugh. She then shook her head before she gazed on her wife. "Gods! Was I EVER that bad, Lum?!"
"Well, you've always been pretty passionate with me, Darling," Lum said as she walked over to wrap an arm around her beloved. "And I've NEVER minded it a bit!"
Both laughed before they shared a kiss as we…
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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