Unlikely Alliance: Chain Reaction: By the riverside [Episode 227362]

by Ezit Meti

When most people think of meditation they see it as a means to shut out the outside world; or perhaps a way to program your own mind, to change how you think, how you act, how you feel. Indeed the first image is likely to conjure thoughts of one sitting in the lotus position-legs crossed such that the feet rest on the thigh of the other leg, while the hands rest atop the leg-with eyes closed or with a blank expression. Perhaps small animals are gathering around the individual as they are drawn to the peaceful aura virtually shining off this figure.

At this moment in time Ranma wished even half of what people "know" about meditation was true. His mind wouldn't focus, he couldn't keep himself calm for very long before that image cropped up in his mind... He made a mental note to kill Mousse. Not for the first or even tenth time in the last half hour.

A man was walking his dog down the street. The dog glanced roughly in Ranma's direction and then sharply turned around and dragged its owner the way they'd come.

But this time... could it be? He actually had it! Yes, his breathing was controlled... his mind was focusing in on the calm river in front of him. Now, he was becoming lucid, slowly cutting out the distractions of the world. The little noises in the background, they did not concern him. The way the light reflected off the surface of the water creating the occasional glare... These things did not matter. He was calm. He was in control. He was-

"Ranma?"

-Distracted by a tomboy. "What do you want, Akane? I thought you were making dinner."

"You mean the dinner you ran out on? Our dads too, they were dragged off by Hap-" but before she could continue, his stomach growled. "You haven't eaten yet? Hey, are you feeling okay? You look awful!"

"Eh, I've been better," he groused. This was a pretty bad day... a little worse than average on careful consideration. Of course he then considered what his average days entailed and grimaced on the realization that by definition half his days were somehow worse. But today had taken the small unpleasantness and found new, creative ways to screw him over.

He twitched when his brain parsed the last few words of that thought. Then he noticed Akane planting herself right in front of him peering at him in great concern.

"Come on, it's not going to do you any good keeping it to yourself. I know you're secretive and all that, but... If I can help I'd like to."

She wanted to know what was bugging him? Alright then! Stupid nosy tomboys get what they get for being stupid and nosy! So, he told her. In its entirety, every event that had transpired as he remembered it, since he'd left the Tendo Dojo. In as much horrifying detail as he could manage without disgusting himself. On hearing the description of the event at Ucchan's, she'd flinched and inched carefully away from him. On hearing the next part of the story, she simply nodded. Then she stood up carefully and deliberately paced towards a nearby bin. Ranma couldn't see her properly from this angle, but he heard the retch of ultimate suffering. His heart made the same noise not forty minutes ago. She returned, dabbing at the sides of her mouth with a handkerchief.

As she sat down, Akane said "We have to kill Mousse."

Ranma nodded in agreement. "No way around it."

They sat in silence for a while, neither being able to bear looking at the other. It hadn't taken long for their now very unfortunately active imaginations to begin inserting the other into increasingly unusual mental imagery. It was far too embarrassing for them to even look at each other now. Eventually after what seemed like an eternity, Akane spoke up.

"Um, there was a reason I came out looking for you..."

"Oh yeah?" Ranma asked, desperate for any reason-any reason to stop his mind from going any further than where his now damned overactive imagination had been taking him. It involved Akane, his girl form, the old ghoul, a python and a hammer. Any distraction at this point was good and welcome. He was half contemplating just outright blatantly insulting her to the point she got frustrated, pounded him and stormed off. But then she'd spoken up, negating the requirement for that scheme.

"We're expecting a guest tonight."

"Yeah? Who is it?"

"She says she's your mother."

"Oh, that's nice," Ranma mumbled. Then he frowned. "Wait, run that by me again?"

"She says she's your mother."

"My... mother?"

"You don't remember her?"

"No. Pop never talked about her either. Come on, what are we sitting around for?! I gotta get back and-"

"Wait!" Akane yelled, tugging him back to a seated position by his pigtail. "There's something else!"

And then she explained the seppuku contract to him, and by her expression she felt like a ten ton heel all the while. Ranma could only listen in stunned silence at what was a new runner for "Stupidest thing pop ever did."

"So, if she finds out about the curse then she might have me and pop, uh?"

"Seems that way."

"Right," he said, rubbing the sides of his head in despair. Just when he thought the day couldn't get that much worse, he finds out he's got an entirely new kind of death threat hanging over him. It was one thing when he had to deal with enraged martial artists out to slaughter him for crimes real or imagined. But this... this was an entirely different matter, as it would inevitably involve him having to talk someone out of killing him. He could certainly talk someone into it easily enough. Talking them out? He frowned on evaluation of that thought. Maybe he ought to look into why he got on people's bad sides so easily but couldn't get on their good sides...

Not right now. He had other things to deal with. With a heavy sigh, he crawled past Akane to the nearby river. Scooping up some water in the palm of his hand, he splashed it onto his face. "Come on, no use hanging around here. She won't recognize me as a girl, and-"

Most of the biggest problems in Ranma's life arise from an issue of timing. Shampoo bribing him to go out with her on a date while Akane had to fight the dojo destroyer, for example. Or Mousse deciding to attack while he was still under the effect of the cat's tongue. Or even those damn monks were trying to steal his dragon's whisker not two days before it expired! In that case, the timing had largely come down on his favor... but why couldn't it have happened later?

Yet again he met up with an issue of timing. If he'd left just a few minutes ago, or remained seated with his back to the road just a little while longer, he would've been spared. Instead he had turned around then and there. At the very moment that Tsubasa and Azusa skipped down the street, hand in hand with smiles so big one might think they'd managed to get a banana trapped between their lips and their teeth.

Oddly, around this time an unusual epidemic began to be noticed on this street. No matter what people ate or drank, it all had a distinctly sweet and syrup like taste to it. No answers were forthcoming, and since the event didn't seem to be life threatening in any way it was largely ignored until it went away by itself.


Akane twitched a little on seeing the pair make their way down the street. She might not have seen the things Ranma had seen earlier, but he'd been graphic enough in his description that she didn't have to have seen it. But speaking of Ranma, he'd frozen in place just like he had been doing at school whenever he overheard those rumours. It was an unusual juxtaposition. He was very insensitive to the feelings of others, but couldn't take the rumours. Yuka had remarked that she'd expected the opposite reaction; Akane to shout down the perverted rumours while Ranma just took it in stride... But Akane had learned enough about gossip to realise that giving them any reaction at all was enough to justify the rumour mill.

Walking around in front of him, she looked at the frozen expression of horror on Ranma's face, and recognised that he was likely to be standing there for a good while yet. There had to be something she could do to snap him out of this, but what? Perhaps talking with him about something else would do the trick. Talking about his mother just got him depressed. Reminding him of the recent martial arts cheerleading contest would probably not help either... But it was on the right track! If anything would get his interest, it would be something martial arts related!

And then she remembered. "Ranma! I was wondering if you could do me a favour."

No response.

With a sigh, Akane stepped around to stand side by side with him. And then, as discretely as she could manage, she elbowed him in the ribs. Unfortunately Akane never could do "discrete" all that well.

"H-hey! What the hell tomboy!" Ranma yelled as he picked himself off the ground while rubbing his side.

"Sorry. You were spacing out a bit and I wanted to bring you back to reality."

"Felt like I got shot in the side..."

"Anyway! I just wanted to ask you something."

"Oh yeah?"

"Well, it's nothing much... I was just wondering if you could train me in the chestnut fist is all."

"Eh? Why the heck would you want to do that?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe because I'm a martial artist too?"

"Yeah, yeah... But that's not what I meant!"

"You always say that, you know."

"Sounds like some tomboy doesn't want my advice..."

"Oh, fine! So why do you think I wouldn't want to train in it? I mean, surely it would make me hit faster."

"Hah! Is that all? Nah, that's not your trouble. I mean, sure. You could do with a little bit more speed. But heck, it's more than that. I mean after we started sparring you've been hitting a heck of a lot faster and more accurately than you were when we first met. Believe me, that's saying something... No, you've gotta work on your guard a bit better. You've got to respond to attacks faster, get your guard up quicker. That's where your real weakness-"

And then he spaced out again. This was different to before. Instead of a look of fear, his face was twisted in hard concentration. She'd only seen him like that a few times before; when he was on the cusp of figuring out some elusive special technique.

"Ranma?" she waved her hand in front of his face. "Snap out of it!"

"Huh?" he responded, dumbly.

"What were you thinking about?"

"Ah, nothing. Just a little something you could use. Come on, we should get back home. I kind of want to meet mom."

"Alright... If you're sure." The pair headed off home then. "But you know, we need to figure out some fake identity for you to use. At least until we get this mess sorted out..."


Ranma wasn't really paying much attention to Akane as they walked home. His idea was a dangerous one, for all sorts of reasons. Still, if it worked then he wouldn't have this unusual vulnerability hanging over his head anymore. It was certainly improbable that anyone would find a way to use this weakness against him, but he'd found ways to turn other and more obscure ones against particularly tough opponents. To make matters worse, one need not be a martial artist to use it against him! Lord help him if Nabiki figured some way to use this against him. He'd never have any spending money ever again.

The cat weakness was bad enough. Having a second one was a big no thanks, especially since it didn't appear to have any upside to it like a near invincible fighting style. This training with Akane was just the first step in his new training regime to get rid of it, and he could only hope it didn't get him killed or worse in the process.

Worse being "married" in this instance. Now 'that' was a fate to be feared...

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(Posted Sun, 06 Dec 2009 07:19)


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