Shake was giddy with excitement as the lesbian tamer he’d requested emerged from the vortex; however, the person who emerged was not quite the type he’d expected. Rather than a testosterone-riddled virago (not unlike himself), before him stood an older gentleman with a staid manner wearing a black trenchcoat with red trim and a black, skull-shaped mask that covered the upper half of his face. “Greetings,” the stranger croaked out in an extraordinarily deep Dutch accent. “I am Dr. Killinger, and this is my magic murder bag.” The man presented an old-school doctor’s bag with the same color scheme as the rest of his costume. “You are Master Shake, correct?”
“Uh, yeah. Are you here to get the lesbian sex demons into my harem?”
“My purpose is to ensure that a satisfactory conclusion is reached by all.”
“So, that’s a yes?”
“For the moment.”
“Alright, Shake, this is enough,” Frylock said, asserting his overwhelming moral authority onto the situation (despite the fact that said authority had yet to be respected by Shake). “It’s time to come back to reality.”
However, the floating fast food side dish’s usual berating was interrupted by the newcomer: “You are the Frylock?”
This took Frylock somewhat off guard, as he was fairly sure that neither he nor Shake had mentioned his name when Killinger first appeared. ”Uh, yeah...”
“Your friends in Japan are in dire trouble. You must help them.”
“Well, I actually only know one of them, but—hey!”
Killinger ignored Frylock, choosing instead to walk over to the keyboard and begin typing in commands.
“Hey, knock it off, man! That’s my stuff! It’s bad enough when Shake pulls crap like this, but...” Frylock trailed off as another portal opened up in his room.
“This portal will take you to the Nerima ward of Tokyo, Japan, where your friends currently are. Once you meet up with them, you can assist them in dealing with their plight.”
“Uh huh... and what are you going to be doing?”
“My primary task is to broker a diplomatic resolution to the lesbian sex demon issue.”
“That’s legalese for ‘I’m getting me some more sex slaves’!” Shake translated.
“Whoa, hold on, I can’t just hang around and let you take advantage of Nabiki like that.”
“Uh, hello? Nabiki’s already my sex slave. I’m talking about the two demons she brought with her.”
“Shake...”
“I assure you, the final result will be one which is satisfactory to all—that is the ultimate goal of diplomacy. Furthermore, to demonstrate that I mean no ill will and wish you nothing but success in your upcoming venture, I am prepared to give you a tool which will aid you in meeting your objectives.” Killinger reached into his handbag and pulled out a small metal cube, with three buttons underneath an LED display on one of the sides, which he then presented to his client’s reluctant roommate.
“Uh, thanks,” Frylock said as he lifted the gift out of Killinger’s hand. ”What is it?”
“It is a portable SEP Field generator. Not nearly as strong as the standard model, but its radius should be sufficient for your purposes.”
“SEP Field?”
“Do not worry about instructions now—when you first activate it, its purpose and operation will become self-explanatory.”
“Uh, right,” Frylock said, tucking the device into his box.
“Now, go, before your friends fall!”
“Uh, right. Sure.” Frylock approached the portal, but just before entering, he turned and said, “I’ll be back as soon as I can, so you’d better not try to pull anything, Shake.”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”
Still mildly skeptical, Frylock entered the portal, which blinked out of existence behind him.
Nabiki had been certain that when Master Shake went off to Frylock’s room, her two “companions” were going to take the opportunity to transform her into the third succunilingubus before he returned—but much to her surprise, they seemed content to wait patiently for his return. Thus, instead of dealing with a sudden shift in her sexual proclivities, Nabiki was engaging in something almost as awkward: small talk. “So, uh, do the horns and tail come standard?”
“Oh, of course,” Sapphire replied. “But we can make them disappear when we want to disguise ourselves as humans. In fact, we’ve also got wings that we’re hiding right now.”
“Oh… uh, can I see them?”
“Not right now,” Felivora replied. “The wingspan is a little too large for a room as confined as this.”
“But they basically look like bat wings, only more leathery,” Sapphire finished.
“Okay… so, uh, where do you guys live? Somewhere in Hell?”
Felivora snorted. “I wish. We’re only a recently formed unit—and an incomplete one at that. There’s no way we’d be able to afford the rent. No, we’ll probably be living on Earth for a while until we’re eligible for a raise.”
“Um, okay. So, did you pick your names yourself?”
“Uh huh,” Sapphire replied. “Mine’s a pun.”
“Yeah, ‘Sapphire,’ ‘Sapphism,’ that makes sense. I don’t get Felivora, though.”
“Well, it’s Latin,” the redheaded demon replied. “Or at least it’s close enough for our purposes.”
“Latin?” Nabiki mulled over this a bit. “Felivora… huh… oh, I get it. ‘Pussy eater’, right?”
“Correct.”
“I see. So, uh, if this goes through, and I join up with you, do I get to pick a new name?”
“Of course.”
“Good, good. Uh, do I have to?”
“I don’t quite understand what you’re asking.”
“Well, I kind of like the name my parents gave me.”
“Ah, yes,” Felivora replied. “Well, I don’t see why it would be a problem, although by tradition, demons only have one name, so you’d have to pick one of the two you currently have.”
“Or you just hyphenate them; that would work, too,” Sapphire added helpfully.
Nabiki wasn’t so sure if that was a good idea; the notion of spending eternity being referred to by her full name in every conceivable instance didn’t sit well with her. “Right,” she finally answered, though she was already leaning towards just taking her given name if (although “when” was probably more accurate, it was still technically “if”) she was made into a lesbian sex demon. The living room was filled with silence once again, until Nabiki broke it again thirty seconds later. “Look, I think it’s pretty obvious that Shake’s going to want me to join you—couldn’t you just get it over with now?”
“Why the rush? Have you decided you want to join us?”
“No, I still don’t, but if it’s going to be a foregone conclusion, I don’t see any sense in delaying the inevitable.”
“That’s really sweet of you, Nabiki,” Sapphire replied, “but doing something like that would be terribly rude.”
You want to force me into a life of constant debauchery, but you’re willing to hold off because of your manners?!”
“Well, yeah, why wouldn’t we?”
Nabiki somehow managed to resist the urge to smack herself in the forehead. When is Shake going to get back out here?
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(Posted Mon, 18 Jan 2010 06:05)
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