Frylock was sitting (okay, floating) in his room, at his computer. After Shake and Carl’s little rope-tangled brawl, he’d retreated to the sanctuary of his room to stay away from the chaos as long as possible. He knew he’d eventually have to deal with whatever it was, but wanted as much peace and quiet as he could get before then. The last thing he remembered was hearing a camera shutter in the living room, as well as a few screams from Shake. All in all, nothing to worry about.
As he was reading his news, a small jingle began to chime on his computer. “Hey, someone’s trying to call me on SKYPE™. It must be Meatwad!” He clicked on the program, and sure enough, a screen featuring the ball of decayed meat popped up.
“Meatwad! Nice of you to call after only two days. How’s Japan?”
“[Oh, it’s okay, Frylock. I mean, we got some weird peoples here, but it’s pretty fun.]”
“Uh, Meatwad? You can speak in English now.”
“[English” Wuzzat?]”
“Come on, Meatwad, don’t tell me you’ve forgotten-”
On the screen, a young girl bent over to speak in Meatwad’s…er, wherever his ear might have been, and whispered something. Meatwad seemed to get the message. “[Oh, okay.] Hey, Frylock, it’s nice to talk to you again!”
“There you go, little buddy! And it looks like you’ve already made some friends, too! So, how’s the host family?”
“Oh, dey’re pretty nice an’ all. ‘Cept dey got dis one kid, who got botched surgery in China from surgeons who was smokin’ some real bad grass, an’ usin’ magic or somethin’, an’ now, he turns into a girl when he gets wet.” Meatwad threw a small glance at Ranma as he said this, before turning back to the computer.
Back in Cologne’s room, as the group stood around her computer, Ranma’s ears perked up. “What’d he say? What’d he say? Was that about me?”
“Sshh, Ranma!” Akane said. “Don’t interrupt them!”
“Is he…a box of fries?” Ukyo asked, greatly confused.
“Well, what you expect?” Shampoo replied.
Back in Jersey, Frylock continued. “So, Meatwad, you been having fun, or what?”
“Oh, I’ve been havin’ plenty o’ fun, Frylock. My friends took me to school, and we met some weird dude who likes to carry ‘round a stick an’ act like Shake, and den we ran into them moon boys who wanted to get drunk and go do graffiti, and den some pineapple monsters, who make dis real good gravy-”
“Whoa, slow down Meatwad – wait, what?”
“I think you’ve heard enough,” another voice came from the computer. A small hand pushed Meatwad aside, and sat in front of the screen. Frylock didn’t know how to describe it, except as a shriveled monkey mummy with a long patch of hair.
“Damn! Meatwad, I know you’re trying to make friends and all, but you really ought’a be a bit more selective-”
“Enough! I am the owner of this computer and the house it dwells in!” Cologne said in perfect English. “And I am here to talk to you of urgent business!”
The kids stood in surprise. “Great-grandmother know English?” Shampoo said.
“I guess the old hag picked up a lot over the centuries.”
Cologne ignored him, and continued. “Does the idea of pineapples cross-bred with monkeys, throwing fecal matter everywhere, and generally causing mayhem sound far-fetched to you?” she asked.
Frylock stood in silence for a moment before answering. “Well…not really, I guess,” he said, remembering a previous incident with his cloner and a batch of brownies.
“So, you have an idea of how we would stop such a monstrosity? I ask you, because your companion highly recommended it.”
“Well, Meatwad was probably just doing what he always does when he needs help. Still, I don’t think I can really help you from here.” He paused, remembering the latest invention he was working on. “Though, there might be another way.”
Making one final tweak in the spheroid computer with a screwdriver, Frylock lifted his magnifying glasses. “There,” he said. “It’s finally done."
Closing it shut, Frylock began typing in commands that would, in theory, at least, allow him to open a portal to Japan. “Okay, now all I need to do is-”
“Frylock! FRYLOCK! Get out here, quick!” a familiar voice called from outside his door.
“Dammit Shake, I’m busy! And if you wanna talk to me, you come in here!"
Shake opened the door before shutting it behind him. “Fine, I’ll step into the domain of dorkage, if I must! But, as I am my witness, my miserable luck is about to change!”
“Oh, really?” Frylock said. “You finally convinced Nabiki to go along with your stupid charade?”
“I’m going to pretend that you…um….that you said something different, dammit!”
“What the hell are you talking about this time, Shake?”
“Frylock, the most amazing thing has happened! Nabisco, my lovely, dear Japanese schoolgirl sex slave-”
“Nabiki, Shake.”
“-has asked me to allow her to become one with the lesbian sex demons of hell!”
A few seconds of silence went by, followed by a tumbleweed. “What?” Frylock finally uttered.
“You heard me! She wants to get more in touch with her bisexual side by joining with a group of lesbian succubae! My dream is finally coming to frusion!”
“That’s ‘fruition’, Shake. And, again, what the hell are you talking about?”
“Frylock, Frylock, honestly! Is it really so hard for you to believe that she’s trying to make herself more useful to me by training herself in hot girl-on-girl action with a couple of lesbian sex demons?”
“Yes. Because it makes no sense.”
“Poor, ignorant Frylock. You know, not quite as well as I do, though, that Japanese schoolgirls use lesbianism to make themselves more attractive to their masters. That’s why they go through this hot girl-on-girl training, so their master – that’s me – will appreciate them more, especially when they use it with their large-chested bisexual schoolmates who will no doubt show up to do my bidding, as is their nature.”
“You really have lost it, haven’t you, Shake.”
“Again, I will pretend that you uttered something…um…not so insulting.”
“Okay, first off, lesbian sex demons aren’t going to train Nabiki to be more attractive to you, Shake. They’re lesbians. That means they only have sex with other women. If anything, they’ll pull her away from you, and she won’t have time for her master; her male, heterosexual master.” Frylock paused, thinking to himself. “Wait, did I just say all that?”
To his even greater surprise, Shake’s eyes went wide. “You’re right!”
Frylock raised an eyebrow. “I am?”
“Yes! These demons, whoever they are, are not Japanese schoolgirls, so they don’t come with the slave nature dear Nabisco has! Which can mean only one thing: I need a trainer!”
“Okay, I guess it was too good to be true,” Frylock said, rolling his eyes.
“I need to get a trainer who can whip these girls into shape! Japanese schoolgirl-level sex slave shape!” He spied the machine Frylock had been working on, and, noticing a keyboard, began typing in commands. “What is this thing? Can it bring me a trainer? ‘Bring me a sex-slave trainer for lesbian sex demons.’”
“No, Shake, don’t touch that!” Frylock moved in to stop him, but Shake had already pressed the ‘Enter’ button.
“Ha!” Shake said triumphantly. “You won’t stop me! I’ll get my lesbian sex-slave trainer one way or another!”
“Shake, this is a machine that opens portals! It can’t just create anything out of the blue-”
To his shock, the machine began acting up, and a light began to appear.
“What?” Frylock said in amazement. “No way, it can’t be!”
“Yes! Yes! It’s working! Come to me, my loyal, lesbian sex-slave trainer!”
The portal opened, and out walked a silhouetted figure, whose first words were spoken:
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(Posted Mon, 07 Dec 2009 09:16)
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