Alas it was not to be. Kodachi was a bare centimeter away "OVER MY OWN ROOM!!"
Ranma had never been so glad to hear an angry tomboy before. He watched Kodachi go flying off the property, Akane standing over him with mallet in hand, glaring with righteous fury.
She was glaring at him, not Kodachi. Ranma sweatdropped. "You pervert!" Akane raged. "It's not enough you try to corrupt my sister, but now you want that lunatic too?" She visibly trembled with rage. "Well, I guess if you want to sleep up here," she added, her voice now low, cruel, "then you should. Have a nice night, Saotome!"
Ranma wished he had a blanket in the cold night wind. Akane had only been gone a few minutes, but he was freezing. He caught a whiff of something upwind, like a sickly-sweet perfume.
"Nihao."
Straining, he turned his head and got a bit of lavender hair in the corner of his eye. He took a guess. "Hey, you're that Amazon girl after pop, ain't ya?"
Shampoo nodded. At least, Ranma though that's what the bit of hair he could see was doing. "Shampoo see what crazy girl and violent girl do to spirit boy. Bring antidote for son-in-law."
Ranma blinked at the titles. "Kodachi, Akane...wait. Spirit boy? Son-in-law!? You don't mean me!?"
Shampoo nodded again. "Panda is Shampoo airen. Mean spirit boy Shampoo son-in-law. Shampoo not able to see, but Shampoo listen. Shampoo know spirit boy fall in Jusenkyo, along with airen. Shampoo think it better if airen had fallen in spirit spring, then would not have to marry."
Ranma involuntarily pictured Genma as a redheaded voluptuous sex spirit and vomited a little.
"Aiyah! Crazy girl make spirit boy sick?"
"No...just picturing pops as a succubus," Ranma said, wiping his mouth. He hesitated, then realized he could move again. "Hey, thanks," he said, getting up into a sitting position. He saw what looked like an incense burner that must have been the antidote Shampoo mentioned.
Shampoo blinked and turned her head to one side. "What succubus?"
"Huh? Oh I thought ya knew that part, seein' as ya know what spring I fell in."
"Guide say spring very tragic legend, but legend lost in tragic legend about spring of drowned tragic legend."
"How do you drown a tragic legend?"
"Tragic legend about drowning tragic legend is tragic, long, and too too confusing. Shampoo not have flowchart needed to explain. So, what succubus?"
Ranma sighed. Well, if she got curious, better he explain it than any of that internet stuff Nabs found. "It's the kinda spirit I turn into. Nabs calls it a kind of 'nature spirit.'"
"Ahh," Shampoo nodded. "Shampoo see many picture of nature spirit. Tiny wing people, ball of cloud, cat with too too creepy smile. What shape succubus?"
Ranma was trying very hard not thinking about ways to make a cat even more terrifying and welcomed the question. "Girl," he said instantly. "About a head shorter, red hair, good figure."
Shampoo blinked again and pointed slowly. "Spirit boy turn into spirit girl?" she asked hesitantly.
Ranma scowled. "I am a GUY!"
Shampoo waved her hands in warding gestures, smiling, laughing weakly, and sweatdropped. "Sorrysorry, son-in-law. You need sleep now, yes? Shampoo go back to camp." And then the lavender-haired girl was away, bouncing on the rooftops.
Ranma was worried. As a roof-hopper himself, he knew the bounce of one who was so happy they could burst into song. Shampoo was up to something. Or she was just glad to get away from Genma for a while longer.
Unfortunately, his financial situation was also outside her concerns. He was quickly running out of film and the alchemic compounds used in enchanting it. He needed to make money, a lot of it, over a long period, and right now if he didn't want his soul ripped from his body. Again.
Of course, there was only one way to find the answer to the question. And that was another question.
What would Nabiki do?
Everything went to hell when Akane spun midstep to catch Kodachi's shinai. "AGAIN!?" she snarled, incredulous. The bamboo slats in her hand splintered in her crushing grip. "Enough with the ambushes!"
"Ambushes?" Kodachi declared archly. "I am merely here to visit my Ranma-sama."
Nabiki looked to Ranma. "'My Ranma-sama'?" she repeated. Ranma merely groaned.
Akane twitched and levered the training sword to flip Kodachi to Ranma and her sister. "Then go to him!"
Kodachi recovered with a gymnast's grace and charged at Ranma. Ranma, in turn, bolted as if his sanity depended on it.
Which it probably did.
Unfortunately, he ran into Kuno. Jumping the Kendoist's bokken and landing in a kick to the idiot's face, Ranma nicely silenced his rantings for Akane's love. "What do you think you're doing?"
"Saotome Ranma," Kuno growled. "What do you have against me?"
Ranma was about to answer when someone feminine grabbed him from behind. "Ra-n-ma-sa-ma," cooed Kodachi.
Ranma fumed, trying to think of a gentlemanly way to extricate himself.
Nabiki stared, then turned to Akane and fixed her in the Ice Queen's targets. "What happened last night?"
"Ranma was being a pervert," Akane answered flatly.
"Yes!" Kuno declared, slapping Ranma and Kodachi, smiling kindly.
Ranma was afraid. "Yes, what?"
"You have my permission to date her."
"I'm so happy!" Kodachi cooed.
"Wait!" Ranma cried, getting some distance at last. "You can't...I'm not going to..." he trailed off as Kodachi started crying.
"You hate me!"
Ranma debated the merits of confirming that, but there was a crying girl in his face. "No, no. It's just, um, I..."
"He has a fiancee," Nabiki called out, sauntering over and wrapping her arms around Ranma's.
Ranma nodded frantically. "Yeah. Engaged and everything."
Nabiki blushed. Ranma was nervous, panicky, and very confused, but there was enough resolve in there to make her certain that, whatever happened last night, he hadn't been after Kodachi.
Kodachi stared at Nabiki. "You're...from the other day. How interesting. Is your mistress with you today?"
"Mistress?" Nabiki asked, bemused. The students of Furinkan backed away. Nabiki might be holding Ranma like a loving girlfriend, but that was the tone of the Ice Queen ready to make life hell for an unsuspecting victim.
"The redhaired harridan from our last meeting."
Nabiki smiled all the wider. "You want to meet her again? Twenty thousand yen." She felt Ranma's confusion and squeezed him reassuringly.
Kodachi blinked. "I see, so she is not here? Well then, perhaps we could wager my Ranma-sama on my match against your school?"
Nabiki was about to answer when Akane interrupted. "Are you insane!?"
"I think it is a fine idea," Kuno said calmly, putting his hand on Akane's shoulder. "All you need to do is lose to free yourself from Saotome."
Ranma looked to Nabiki. "Why does he keep saying I want Akane?"
"He's an idiot," Nabiki answered. "Kodachi, there is no way-"
"-that your school will win, yes!" Kodachi cut her off. "Ranma will be mine!" And she left, bounding away like a lunatic on a pogostick, black petals trailing in her wake.
"Saotome!" Kuno cried. His voice suddenly became kind, albeit pompous. "Take care of my little sister. Even though I am ner brother, I must admire her for being so wicked, spiteful, so twisted. Take care of her, Ranma. And Akane, try not to let her hurt you." He handed her a bouquet of red roses. "When Kuno Kodachi wants a man, she will try something evil." And he left, shuffling, bokken over his shoulder, red petals trailing in his wake.
Nabiki looked at the mixed petals and the retreating Kunos. "...they're completely identical..."
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(Posted Sat, 12 Dec 2009 03:25)
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