He was seven years old, and there was no way at that point he could pull this off without help. Even if his mind and memories had been transplanted into his younger self, Naruto knew he'd have to fool a lot of people with special eye abilities.
There wasn't a way in his lifetime to keep the Uchiha Coup from being planned or launched. It had been mentioned that it had been coming since before Kakashi himself made genin. Which meant that the Uchiha Massacre that had occurred when he was seven was something else he couldn't prevent.
That aside, having Itachi Uchiha use Madara Uchiha's assistance in destroying the clan would not be in anyone's interests. Particularly if Sasuke followed the same traumatic path he had the original night. Something else was required.
Hence this prank, this lovely little prank, pulled not only on an irate Sasuke (who was now chasing a shadow clone which was itself henge-disguised as Sakura Haruno who was squealing about getting her Sasuke-sama's boxers) but on most of the village and beyond. Another shadow clone (disguised as Sasuke) had shown up in the woman's baths at the hot springs and snapped a few quick pictures.
Naruto's grin went to a smirk as his shadow clone fell into step behind Sasuke and then dispersed. Leaving Sakura waving around Sasuke's boxers and proclaiming her joy at this event, followed by Sasuke, followed by a large number of hastily-clad and irate women.
Naruto grinned as part two came into play. There was no way a seven year old boy could beat Itachi.
A sufficiently powerful trap using a genjutsu and a trap door, that was another thing. Especially after Itachi was already pretty darn worn out from his fights.
"Centerfold jutsu!" called out the real Naruto, taking the form of a teenage girl. "Shapeshift!" Now that he looked like Orochimaru, it was show time.
Madara looked around, currently in his Tobi mask, and wondered what had happened. Suddenly Itachi was gone, his chakra presence completely masked. Was this a betrayal of their agreement?
"Kukukukuku," came a familiar laugh.
Madara winced, as he now had to play the part of the idiot Tobi as Orochimaru didn't know yet. Hardly an ideal time. "Orochimaru-sama?! You are here to help Tobi?"
"What are YOU doing here, Tobi?" asked 'Orochimaru.' "Don't get in my way."
"Eh?" asked Tobi. "Tobi doesn't understand."
"That's hardly new," drily said Orochimaru, eyeing the procession coming their way. Leaping to the gate to the Uchiha compound, he pointed at the crowd just as 'Sakura' tripped, fell down a stairs, and poofed into smoke. "STOP!"
Incredibly enough, the group DID stop, to stare up at him.
"OROCHIMARU?!" screamed Anko, dropping her towel and wishing she'd brought more weapons.
"Kukukuku," said Orochimaru, his tongue briefly hanging down to his navel. "Don't interfere with me. I have just killed all the Uchiha! Now there is only that delicious-looking young boy. I'll have those lovely eyes as well."
"Killed?" asked Sasuke, running towards his house. "MOTHER! FATHER!"
Orochimaru started dodging as Anko, Kurenai, and a half dozen ninja of various other rankings began throwing attacks his way. Perfect.
"AGGHHH!" yelled Tobi as HE was suddenly under attack from a number of other outraged ninja. "Orochimaru-sama! This really isn't a wise plan!"
"Oh, you know I simply can't resist young boys," said Orochimaru, licking his lips. "I beat that Toad Hermit in pervertedness too. Still, you might be right. We'll just come back at a more opportune time."
Sarutobi, the Third Hokage, stared. "Orochimaru?"
Anko, now as dressed as she ever got, nodded alongside the other women.
Sarutobi puffed once on his pipe, sufficiently rattled he didn't even notice it wasn't lit. "Orochimaru killed the Uchiha Clan with the exception of Sasuke Uchiha?"
More nods.
"Admitted this in front of witnesses?" asked the Hokage.
"And that he likes playing with the bodies of underage boys," pointed out a matronly sort of woman in the crowd.
"I see," said the Hokage.
"So he's not only an S-class missing nin, but he's an S-class missing nin child molesting murderer," helpfully pointed out another matron.
"I run a print shop," said one of the other women. "I can make fliers up with his likeness and a list of crimes."
"I see," said the Hokage, knowing that something was going on.
"We can start collecting money towards a reward on that snake's head," suggested another woman.
"ooooh," said several of the women.
"That poor boy," said one of the women. "I was ready to put him over one knee, but to lose his whole family and then have some monster-pervert declare he's after that child's body."
Everyone, including the Hokage, shuddered at various images conjured forth by that idea.
"Tobi really doesn't understand this," said Madara, scratching his head and looking out over Konoha. He certainly hadn't expected torch-bearing mobs.
He couldn't find hide or hair of Orochimaru, of course. Not that this was necessarily strange. Like his snakes, Orochimaru tended to slither away to lick wounds.
It was kind of odd though. Orochimaru should have been able to kill everyone involved and then go off on his own. Oh, wait a minute.
Madara nodded. No doubt Orochimaru had doubled back and was stealing eyes even now. Well, that made sense.
Best to head back and see if Itachi was keeping his part of the bargain.
Going through the next day, Naruto had been exhausted to the point where he didn't NEED to hold back in order to be a screwup.
Of course, all the kids knew was that something had gone on.
The adults knew something was going on, but weren't entirely sure WHAT yet.
Apparently Itachi Uchiha HAD thrown off the genjutsu but was so exhausted from its effects that he was still in the hospital. And very very confused as he hadn't even known that Orochimaru had returned to Konoha in order to slaughter the entire Uchiha clan and do naughty things with his little brother. No matter how many times it was explained to him, he still was apparently quite confused about it.
Well, it HAD been a pretty strong genjutsu. The doctors said it was all pretty much a side effect of that kind of thing.
Sasuke Uchiha was pretty traumatized. He also glared a lot at a number of his fangirls and any other potential underwear thieves. He had been mainly glaring at Sakura Haruno, but that changed when Ino Yamanaka opened her school bag and pulled out a pair of boxer short style underwear.
Oh sure, both of them claimed to be innocent. Both knew the Clone technique though so their alibis were suspect. Maybe they WERE innocent though, and one of the OTHER fangirls was trying to get rid of the competition. That was actually admirable in a sneaky underhanded ninja sort of way, if personally quite annoying.
Naruto considered that not all of his pranks were going as well as he'd planned.
Sasuke had shown up for school three days after the Massacre, Ino's schoolbag had been unattended at one point, and eventually she pulled out this little balled up piece of cloth while talking with her friends and discovered that it was indeed a pair of Uchiha clan boxers. Easily identifiable with the little Uchiha crest on them.
Now all of Sasuke's rabid fangirls were being viewed with a great deal of annoyance and disgust by: Sasuke, each other, a good portion of the community, the teachers.
On the good side, by not being obvious in his pranks and knuckling down and studying, he wasn't getting quite as much disgust and hate directed at HIM - mainly because everyone was focussing on other things at the moment. It wouldn't last of course, he'd gotten a similar break when events had unfolded the first lifetime through.
When things were sufficiently settled, Naruto figured he'd get back to his 'class clown/dead last' image - no matter how distasteful some of it was. If he was caught by anyone he'd just explain he was being a proper ninja and concealing stuff to get an advantage over everyone else later. He suspected Shikamaru, maybe Shino, Iruka-sensei possibly, would eventually notice something and confront him.
Well, cross that bridge when he came to it.
(Posted Mon, 15 Feb 2010 16:13)
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