Kuno’s jaw flapped up and down silently, his mind trying to comprehend the level of insult that had been visited upon his personage. Never before had he been made to deal with such exquisite verbal abuse from such a low-brow, boorish ruffian!
Leaving the Kuno’s mind stuck in its own little dream-world, Ranma turned towards his two former friends—and currently withholders of HIS access to the Great Will—while cracking his knuckles.
One of the news anchors, who had finally gotten over the shock of Ranma’s aura of killing intent, managed to turn towards her cameraman to report what was going on around her. “As you can see, Ranma Saotome has not only finally emerged from the Tendo home, but that he has summarily blown off his challenger! He’s now... hey... why is he heading for the food vendors?”
Stalking past the throngs of onlookers, Ranma was focused on one thing: the two idiots with their backs to him as they were waiting to be served stir-fry. Said vendor serving the food noticed the Pokégirl Buffed individual heading their way first. He hurriedly gave the two youths their orders as he paled and left—literally left, leaving his cart behind in his dust as he made haste.
Hiroshi and Daisuke didn’t seem to notice nor care, as they were far too busy stuffing their faces with the food purchased from ill-gotten gains received from dragging their good-natured, understanding friend’s reputation through the mud.
Upon being right—as in mere INCHES—behind them, a strained grin formed on the pigtailed martial artist’s face; one which had its creepiness elevated by Miyo’s ‘Cloak of the Shinigami’ enhancement. “Well, look who it is! My ol’ buddies...”
NOW the two noticed! The duo turned in shock and dropped their chopsticks so fast that the wooden sticks broke upon the ground from the impact. “Ruh-Ranma!” Hiroshi squeaked out. “Good to see you again old buddy, old pal, bestest-best friend of ours...” he said, trying to ease the waves of rage and murder he felt rolling off the righteously pissed off pigtailed martial artist.
Not even trying what he knew couldn’t be done, Daisuke pointed to his partner-in-crime. “It was his idea!”
“WHAT!?” The brown-haired male shrieked as he glared at his body with an accusatory glare. It wasn’t like that jerk hadn’t been enjoying the money as well!
Despite their pleas and protests, Ranma just continued to smile that strained, wicked grin as he placed a hand each on their shoulders. “Now guys honestly,” he said in a firm voice that projected from where he stood. “Did you really have to say such an outright lie on TV?” he shook his head, making a tsking sound. “Honestly! I told you before I’m straight as straight can be. So for the last time stop trying to ruin my chances with girls thinkin’ it’ll turn me to turn to you two.”
Both teens gawked at their usual source of entertainment with shock and horror. “What!?” the screamed in unison at what he was implying.
It was such an interesting implication that caused the female newscaster to zip over. “Turn you?” she asked, holding her microphone out to Ranma. “Would you care to elaborate on that, Saotome-san?”
Nodding his head, Ranma replied in an offhand manner, “Yeah... my buddies here are quite avid of their boy-love. Thing is, they seem to keep ignoring I DON’T swing that way! Bad enough that whacko on stage is forcing his...” the pigtailed teenager paused. “Weirdness in an offensive manner... but,” he turns back to his friends. “Sorry guys, I tried to be tolerant but now I gotta kick your asses.”
Cracking his knuckles, the heir of the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts chuckled darkly. Oh yes, Ranma was going to make DAMNED sure all the flak towards him would go right to its proper place. Sure, he knew the two horny idiots were straight too, but they invited it upon themselves...
...
......
Great... now he was becoming a sadistic schemer like Nabiki! Oh well, he could enjoy it this once...
“Oh my stars!” Newswoman Makiko Hirasei gasped. She came in close, bringing her microphone between the two teenage youths the nephew of the CEO of Sukebe Inc. pointed to towards being ‘team players’. “Is it true? Are you two into... that?”
Both boys paled considerably, and not just because Ranma was putting on a nifty light show with his aura not even two feet from them. “Wuh-what!?”
“Oh yes they are,” Ranma told the woman, while wondering in the back of his mind if he should use that baseball bat or not. “I mean, they’re always hanging out with one another and can’t seem to get alone with their pokégirls. Ask everybody. They go everywhere together... even the school bathroom, if you catch my drift.”
The duo turned upon Ranma with speed that should have only been attainable by years of martial arts practice. “HEY!” Daisuke shouted. “We only go in there during the girl’s shower period to use the peep-hole!”
“Sure guys, suuuuuuuuuure...” Ranma said, raising his hand and literally waving them off. “Whatever floats your boat but I could swear it was during the guy’s shower period. After all I was doing some peeping at the girls during then and you weren’t there.”
“LIES!” Hiroshi roared.
“SLANDER!” the other moron of the duo chimed in.
Blinking her eyes once, twice, the newswoman was genuinely surprised. She then slowly turned to her original reason for coming out to Nerima, holding the microphone to him. “You’re admitting to peeping?”
Nodding his head, Ranma quickly replied, “Ma’am, they’re trying to ruin my ability to be with women because of their hair-brained scheme to make me part of a ménage a trois, so I’ll admit I peeped.”
The news reporter nodded her head firmly. “I see. So, what is your desired... ‘retribution’ against these two? These two homosexual life-partners that wish to make you part of their insatiable lusts?”
Holding up his hands defensively—and to hide the fact that the two idiots were trying to get the woman’s attention from behind him—the pigtailed Pokégirl Trainer-to-be replied, “I’m no hater, I try to keep an open mind.” His eyes narrowed angrily. “But they crossed my line of tolerance, so in lieu of martial arts traditions, I’m simply going to beat ‘em black and blue... and then introduce themselves to their own asses.”
The female newscaster tilted her head in curiosity. “I... do not comprehend.”
Grinning deviously, Ranma excitedly told the woman, “Observe!”
What happened next was almost impossible for the human eye to comprehend. The violence... the pure, unadulterated violence... it was a YouVision Video in the making!
Still, Makiko proved to be a credit to her calling as she kept up, not missing a beat as others simply stared in shock, horror and awe. “You saw it on this station first! This is the first time on live television that someone’s head was literally rammed up their own buttocks!” there was soon a second scream that followed. “And that’s the second time! Hiroshi and Daisuke, do you have anything to say to our television audience?”
“Mmmffff!?” was the sound of confusion from the inside of Daisuke’s rectum.
Hiroshi settled with a more indignant cry of, “Mmmgh!”
Feeling proud with himself for the job well done, Ranma dusted off his hands before picking up the bat he’d originally come out with—he merely laid it on the ground—and proceeded to head back to the shocked Kuno atop his sedan chair. “Now then, with that settled, you still want a fight, Kuno? I’ll gladly bring you one!”
Realizing her scoop was changing targets Makiko quickly ran from the agony of the witless duo and made her way over to Ranma as he began approaching the heir to the house of Kuno. She looked to her cameraman and held her microphone, speaking into it. “Now that Saotome has... er... ‘settled’ things with his detractors, this young man is now approaching Tatewaki Kuno, a member of a well off family of the Nerima prefecture. What will he do next?”
Finally coming to a stop, the pigtailed martial artist looked over his rather creepy nemesis. He was annoyed with the man but... did he really want to have to... touch him? The teenage youth was obviously skeeved out by the lack of clothing and the man-s oily state... genuinely oily. So oily he would probably have gone up like a tiki torch with the flicker of a match.
Seeing that Kuno was still standing there and being a surprisingly refreshing state of unresponsive, Ranma very reluctantly turned to one of the banana-hammock wearing buff men acting as escorts. “Uh... can you get him to snap out of it?”
Turning to another of the men holding nearby boom-box the muscle-bound, (and equally oiled) man turned on the music.
Macho, Macho, MACHO MA~AAN!
“ANYTHING BUT THAT!” Ranma snapped rather angrily.
Nodding his head, the man turned the music to, ‘In the Navy’. “How about now?”
Shaking his head, Ranma told him, “No.”
The man pressed the forward button once more.
Hearing the tone of ‘YMCA’, the pigtailed youth lowered his head in defeat. “You know what? Leave it,” he grumbled before turning away; if he tried to figure it out, he knew he’d only end up giving himself a headache. He then walked back to the hedonistic Kendoist. Seeing the Blue Thunder was still shell-shocked, Ranma raised a hand in front of his face, snapping his fingers. “Hey, Kuno? Kuno! Wakey, wakey! I need your assistance!”
“JUST HIT HIM ALREADY!” was a shout from the crowd of gathered bystanders, entertainment-seekers, and PokéBattle Team Member hopefuls.
Ranma cocked his head to and fro, trying to find the source. “Who said that?”
Looking about herself, the newswoman Makiko pointed as she suggested, "I believe it was that blonde bystander wearing a ‘kill-me-orange’ t-shirt that shouted for Ranma Saotome to go ahead and attack!”
“Hey!” shouted said blonde-haired youth. “It’s only a shirt! I'm still wearing the black outfit of a true Banko! Dattebayo!”
Rolling his eyes at the shout, Ranma decided, ‘what the hell’ and gave Kuno a firm slap across the face. Needless to say, that did it. “Wuh-what!?” Tatewaki gasped, shaking his head. Fury blazed in his eyes. “Who DARES strike the mighty, perfectly chiseled features that are the makings of the wonderfully balanced face of Tatewaki Kuno?”
Ignoring the idiot’s rant, the pigtailed martial artist firmly asked, “Kuno, can I get your help? I’m holding auditions for the Primary Battler slot on my PokéBattle Team.”
The Second Year Furinkan High student glared suspiciously at the demon what had ensnared the beautiful daughters of Soun Tendo. “Why would I aide you, foul sorcerer!?” he sneered hatefully.
Smiling to himself, Ranma felt very good due to what he was about to say. People used it against him so often, that it was nice to have the show on the other foot. “Because you’re Tataewaki Kuno and you never turn down a challenge given to your pompous self?”
Kuno blinked his eyes once, twice. “...What challenge concerns your battle team slots, Saotome?” the heir of the House of Kuno demanded to know.
Ranma grinned in a way that made Nabiki proud. “So you agree?”
Stamping his right foot forth, Kuno held his bokken forth and bellowed, “I do! For no matter what, I will vanquish you with my mighty sword! You shall know my manliness as I beat you down, leaving you a heaving, sobbing mess, drenched in sweat and tears from our brutal tango as I come out on top!”
Although this was what he wanted, Ranma twitched... a lot. “Good!” he said firmly before turning about, looking over at the populace, his attention especially on the pokégirls, (and even some pokéwomen) gathered. “Girls! You heard the man! This is the try-out! First one to bean him good gets the position of Primary Battler on my team!”
A silence unlike anything before hushed through the crowd, everyone just staring at the pigtailed martial artist.
It was finally Kuno that squeaked out, “Excuse me?”
“You heard me, ladies!” Ranma shouted, ignoring the idiot who was now realizing just how much of a schmuck he was. “First one to crush Kuno gets the job!” Then as an after-thought, he added, “Oh! And extra points for really impressive technique!”
It was a stampede that stormed in towards the center of the area, pokégirls of various breed and element rushing at the one who’d been put forth as a sacrificial lamb; the key to getting the coveted spot that many of the neighborhood, neighboring district and even some Tokyo region pokégirls wanted.
Seeing his proclamation cause a literal flood of would-be Kuno bashers, Ranma did what was possibly the smartest thing in his life: he got out of the way. In his case, that meant he leapt up on top of a lamp post, both to get out of the way and have a ringside seat.
“WAAAAAUUUUUGHH!” Kuno cried out as he was overtaken by the masses of women and introduced to new levels of unspeakable pain; his sedan crushed underfoot while his entourage was made to flee.
“Amazing!” Makiko shouted, running from the oncoming destruction with her cameraman. “It would seem that Ranma Saotome, newphew of Sukebe Inc. CEO Dr. James Sukotto, is making use of this intrusion into his life by making this a contest open to all pokégirls! The one that proves her battling prowess will become the Primary Battler for his team of pokégirls!”
Having barely managed to escape the herd by roof hopping, (the one with the polka dotted bandana having been carried by his white and black-furred Catgirls). Ryoga Hibiki and Naruto Uzumaki and his pokégirl watched the spectacle in sheer awe and a little confusion.
As Shiro and Kuro let their owner down onto his feet, Ryoga stared over the edge at the merciless violence being committed upon the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High in the ways only a desperate pokégirl scorned could manage. “...Only Ranma could think to do such a thing.”
Rubbing his chin with interest, the young Uzumaki nodded his head in agreement. “Man... I don’t know about you, Hibiki, but I kind of I wish I thought of that trick myself.” Kami knew Sasuke could’ve used such a wake-up call.
Having heard the two on the roof of the house near where he stood up above the chaos, Ranma nodded his head firmly in agreement as he watched elemental might and strength get put on an impressive display of pyrotechnics and good old fashioned showboating. “Man, I hope no one around here has epilepsy.”
Having been wise enough to get herself and her crew atop their news-van to watch Makiko continued her commentary. “As you can see, Tatewaki Kuno is unable to escape the onslaught and—what's this? One of the pokégirls is trudging through the herd with a large mallet! She seems to be calling for a shot at his head?”
“Hmm... I guess Akane wanted to lay some licks in,” Ranma commented. He had to chuckle as the Tsundere took a chance to tear into the idiot, not blaming her in the slightest for taking a chance to punt-shot Kuno.
He then winced as the other Tendo ‘daughter’ took a chance to give the insult to samurai heritage everywhere a firm strike of her own.. “Ooooh! Man, Motoko sure has a nasty backhand!” the pigtailed partial artist praised, thoroughly impressed with the brutality they were laying into him with.
As he watched, he realized it actually was rather fun being on the sidelines of such chaos rather than being on the receiving end. No wonder Nabiki did this all the time...
Naruto chuckled as he looked over his shoulder at Ryoga. “See, man? I told you there was someone here more hated than Ranma! Kuno is taking the beating the likes of which I’ve only wished on Sasuke!” No, it wasn’t that the Kyuubi Kid hated the other teen, per se. He just wished something would fix his attitude!
Nodding his head, the Eternal Lost Boy turned in place to try and face the other martial arts-oriented teen on the roof with him; finally coming to a stop with the help of Shiro positioning him. “Say, Uzumaki... where is your other rival?” Ryoga asked. He hadn’t heard of the Uchiha boy in awhile.
Lowering his head in reverence to his fallen comrade, Naruto released a heavy sigh. “He disappeared when some weirdo named Orochimaru...ko...” he shuddered. “Offered to train him to be a master. I know his older brother is trying to find him too but until then he’s in a position where he can’t enjoy the trade of PokéBattle.” Taking a deep breath to regain his bravado, the blonde then loudly proclaimed—in an effort to hide his disappointment with Uchiha, “Oh well! Just means more girls for me!”
Ryoga sweatdropped; not sure which student of Konoha Gakuen he should be worried for more. If who Naruto said made Sasuke the offer... man to think hed pity the emo-idiot! Who in their right mind would want to hang out with... Orochimaruko!?
Suppressing a shudder as best he could, the Lost Boy grumbled, “Maybe it’s Uchiha the news-reporters should have been trying to pin homosexuality on...”
Blinking his eyes once, twice, the blonde looked over to his fellow rival against Ranma Saotome. “What was that, Ryoga? I didn’t quite catch that.”
Shaking his head, the fanged youth replied, “Nothing...”
As he continued to watch the beat-down of Tatewaki, Ranma had the biggest smile on his face. While he’d already chosen Miss Meiou’s position, the Megami was certainly impressing him. “Oooh... oh damn! Where’d Setsuna find a desk to smash him with?”
“What a waste of Mahogany...” Naruto said as he reached over into his bag to grab some popcorn he’d liberated from a stall before it was crushed underfoot of running pokégirls...
Only to pause as he felt a hand inside the bag with his. He turned his head to the right, seeing his pokégirl was blushing. “I... I’m sorry, Naruto-sama...” the youthful girl apologized, her tail swaying back and forth nervously.
Smiling a little, the blonde shook his head good-naturedly. “Hey, it’s no problem. Have all you want,” he smiles cheerfully as he properly offered the bag to her. It wasn’t like it had cost him a single yen or anything.
The action from her new Trainer just made the cute Eva blush more.
“Heh heh! get a room,” Ryoga said jokingly, only to wince as each of his Catgirls punched him lightly in his shoulders.
However, Ryoga hadn’t been the only one to see such. Ranma smiled at the sight of his retconned Rival and his pokégirl. “You seem to be treating her well, Naruto.” He paused as he considered something for a moment. “By the way, what’s her name?”
“Hinata,” the next ‘Big Boss’ of Konoha Gakuen called out to the man he considered his chief rical. He then turned to his pokégirl, giving her a wide smile. “And I’d be pretty lost up a creek without her.” Literally! He couldn’t get a pokégirl to travel around with him until he met her, nor could he afford to adopt one directly from Sukebe Inc. due to his, admittedly poor financial situation. The big guys wanted to make sure that Pokégirl Trainers could properly care for their girls rather than push them into bad situations.
The girl blushed, her cheeks becoming rather flush. “You... you mean that, Naruto-sama?”
“Oh, heck yeah!” the blonde cheered. With her as his stepping stone, he’d reach the greatness destined to be his and become a true Pokégirl Master! “With you I’m going to be the very best, like no one ever was! To fight them will be my real test, to train them will be my cause! I will travel across the land, searching far and wide! With each pokégirl, I’ll understand, the power that’s inside!”
Needless to say, Hinata looked at Naruto with awe and admiration. She’d never had anyone speak to her like that. She felt she could die then and there and feel her life was fulfilled.
Blinking her eyes once, twice, Ryoga’s feline pokégirl Kuro reached for one of the pouches on her belt. The black-furred Catgirl began to write down what the blonde had just said on music sheet paper. She felt that had the potential to be the start of what could be a rather catchy song...
Having heard the banter between Trainer and pokégirl, Ranma shook his head good naturedly before turning his focus back to the spectacular beat-down. “Man... I can’t tell who’s winning.” But at least he knew Kuno was losing. That was the important thing.
“A lot of these girls are doing rather well,” Naruto said in a sage fashion. “A shame some of the weaker ones can’t make their way through those already gathered around Kuno and are hogging him. I'’ like to see what they could do...”
Nodding his head, Ryoga agreed, “Me too. I mean, look at all those girls and what they’re doing! It’s a see of freaking potential.”
Watching intently with silver eyes, Hinata munched some popcorn. Realizing that her Trainer didn’t mind her speaking, especially when it was something that could be useful to him, she carefully told him, “The bokken and mallet girl seem to be smacking him around the most.”
Turning to his Eva, Naruto asked her, “Noticed that too, huh?”
Nodding her head firmly, the pokégirl formerly of the Hyuuga family answered, “Mmmhmm. I think it has to do with their sheer brutality—possibly stemming from a deep hate for Kuno-san—might make either or both the winners if these other pokégirls don’t step up to the plate and show what they can really do.”
“Both?” all three males asked in sync as they turned their full attention to her.
Blushing, Hinata felt as if she were shrinking underneath their gazes. She never did well with such attention upon her.
“OOOOH! What a nasty double-blow!” the female newscaster shouted into her microphone. “That Ronin and Tsundere seem to either desperately desire to be part of young Ranma Saotome’s Team... or they just REALLY dislike Tatewaki Kuno!”
Looking as Kuno went airborne for a moment... only to land in a separate part of the crowd where his beat-down began anew with a new set of girls and powers, Ranma whistled appreciatively. This was easily the best day of his life!
“Mrrrfurffle!?” Daisuke and Hiroshi cried from within their own asses as they were bounced around like beach-balls atop the crowded masses of pokégirls.
Ranma’s smile grew. Strike that. This WAS the best day, hands down.
“Well, that was certainly interesting...” the Denmother sighed restfully as she continued to watch the school television monitor in peace. Once the young man had made his declaration, the entirety of her class got up and ran... not that she blamed them. Having Ranma Saotome as one’s Trainer would be a REAL status symbol as a pokégirl.
The Fire-type Canine pokéwoman smiled as she took another sip from her bottle of hooch she stashed in her bottom left drawer. Yes, whoever got to join him would be lucky indeed. She knew that line of men were really incredible, from firsthand experience even.
After all, Melina had been the first and was one with the creator in heart and soul; so much that he himself realized that if you really loved something, you had to set it free. Oh yes, she came home to him and they spent time together whenever they could, but he realized he couldn’t keep her simply as a bodyguard or pet. He wanted her to live and experience life, to not be hindered by his presence. Thanks to him giving her the space she needed, the pokéwoman found she had a fondness for teaching other pokégirls and helping them find themselves... just as she found herself thanks to her lover’s generosity.
“Always such a thoughtful man,” Melinda said to herself as she emptied her bottle. She upended it and shook it, letting off a sigh as she realized she’d emptied it already. Damn her Fire-type nature and her innate ability to burn through alcohol.
Shaking her head and realizing drinking was out, the Denmother smiled and put the empty bottle into her purse so she could refill it at home. Dropping the silver-coated and monogrammed metal canteen into the confines, she also reached about, grasping for her cell phone. Flipping it open, she pressed one of the face-buttons, activating the number one address on her speed dial.
Bringing the cell phone to the side of her head, the canine pokégirl waited a few rings before there was the telltale sound of it being picked up on the other end. “Hello, Jim,” she greeted in a soft and warm voice. “You won’t believe what I’m watching on the television right now...”
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(Posted Thu, 15 Apr 2010 01:17)
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