"Ahhhhhhhh! Good," said Naruto, flopping into a chair. "Finally."
Sakura glanced at Naruto in irritation before returning her attention to the object of her affections.
Naruto decided to be polite. "Mind if I read while we wait? Got to the good part when Mizuki-sensei finally showed up yesterday."
"If it'll keep you quiet and not bugging me, I'm all in favor," said Sakura, glancing at Naruto again. There was something off somehow.
"Coolness," said Naruto, opening a jacket pocket and reaching around in there. First he pulled out a large scroll, then a larger sword, four melon-sized round glass(?) orbs of different colors, a small backpack, and a cube of metal pieces that seemed to be in constant motion, finally drawing forth a large metal-bound book. It took him slightly longer to put everything back in the pocket, but then he simply opened the metal-bound book to a large bookmark and set it out across two desks so he could read it.
By this point both Sasuke and Sakura were staring at him, as this was all VERY atypical of what they'd expected from Naruto Uzumaki.
"Uhm, so - uhm - what are you reading?" asked Sakura finally.
"Section here on special overdimensional patterns, allowing someone to use the law of contagion on secondary and loosely aligned targets as long as one has a strong enough tie," said Naruto absently. "I'm wondering how they overcome the Heisenberg Uncertainty or Totolov Boundary when manifesting quantum effects on Newtonian scales."
Sakura blinked before deciding that Naruto was being an idiot and just throwing babblespeak around. "Yeah, whatever."
"-and I HATE Naruto!" declared Sakura.
"Right, and lastly, you," said Kakashi Hatake.
"I'm Naruto Uzumaki! I'm glad that I'm finally a genin," said Naruto happily. "Jiji told me that in order to keep the secrets, I had to act like an idiot and not show off what I could really do until I reached genin! Now I can stop wearing a 'dimwit' mask and cut loose! Oh, and what I dislike is having to keep up all that act! Now I can start practicing at least SOME of my stuff!"
"Ah, as to that, you're not a genin yet. None of you are," said Kakashi.
Dead silence for about three seconds.
"Uhm. Right, that was a good one, Kakashi-sensei," said Naruto. "I mean, after all those years - you wouldn't believe how ready I am to cut loose now that I'm actually a genin!"
"But you're not a genin, there's a little test I have for you three tomorrow," said Kakashi. "And it is a test that two-thirds of all Academy graduates fail. So you may still just go back to the Academy."
Naruto started twitching for some unknown reason.
"But we PASSED the Academy test, well - except for baka-Naruto," said Sakura.
"Like I said, two-thirds of all Academy graduates fail and end up going back to the Academy," said Kakashi. "So, tomorrow morning you'll test. Oh, and don't eat breakfast. You'd just throw it up, and as part of the Keep Konoha Clean initiative we're trying to cut down on all that."
"Uhm, let me just go over the salient points again. Just to make sure I've got it," said Naruto.
"Sure, go ahead," said Kakashi.
"You have two bells on your belt. Three students. Each student that gets a bell passes. The failure gets tied to a post and doesn't get lunch. After that the failure goes back to the Academy and you'll decide which if either of the others goes on to train under you. We have to come after you with the intent of killing you, no holding back." Naruto thought about it for a moment, trying to think of any details he'd missed.
"That's right, and it has to be before the clock runs out of time," said Kakashi, settling the alarm clock on a post.
"What if I don't want to kill anyone, particularly someone of my village, even a particularly annoying jonin-sensei?" asked Naruto.
"Then you'll fail, and I'll recommend further that you be barred from becoming a ninja," stated Kakashi. "What if I was a traitor to the village?"
"I'd first try to subdue you and turn you over to the Hokage so he could make sure you were interrogated so that we'd stand a chance of getting your contacts and who you were working for," said Naruto.
"If you don't come after me with intent to kill, you'll definitely fail," said Kakashi.
"What about if I-" began Naruto.
WHACK! went Sakura's fist into the back of Naruto's skull. "Shut UP, Naruto! Let's just get it over with!"
"Okay, that's enough of that," muttered Naruto, rubbing the back of his skull.
"If we're done, then I'd say you better start!" said Kakashi.
Sakura and Sasuke leapt towards the brush and hid.
Naruto stood there for a moment, head bowed forward. "We're not genin yet."
"No," said an unconcerned Kakashi.
"But we graduated, so we're technically not Academy students either," said Naruto, still apparently staring at the ground.
"True," admitted Kakashi.
"Is there a ninja rank lower than genin?" asked Naruto.
"No. Is there a point to this?" asked Kakashi.
"So, we're no longer Academy students, we got our forehead protectors, but we're technically civilians," said Naruto, beginning to sound thoughtful.
"I suppose you could say something like that," admitted Kakashi. "You're not crying are you?"
"No. But I'll try to shed a tear at your funeral." Naruto held up a hand and made a mark in the air. It was odd how orange light formed a clear line in the passage of his fingers.
Which then began to form symbols that hung in the air in the way that wasn't exactly normal.
"That means I'm a civilian," said Naruto as dark clouds formed overhead. Purple lightning began crackling overhead. "I shouldn't be caring about NINJA secrets if I'm JUST a civilian."
"Nice genjutsu," said Kakashi, looking around. "The cold wind and the deepening shadows are a nice touch."
"I guess the flesh devouring worms would just bore you," noted Naruto, thinking. "Ah! Clothes-devouring moths!"
"Terrifying," said Kakashi in a bored voice.
"We'll see if you say that after they eat your mask," said Naruto.
"What?" asked Kakashi, actually alarmed for a moment.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" yelled Sakura, leaping out of the bushes and jumping into the lake.
"Uhm, you were supposed to go after HIM," said Naruto to the clothes-eating moth horde.
"Well, admittedly, as distractions go - this WAS pretty good," admitted Kakashi. "But I'm quite aware of Sasuke sneaking up behind me."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" yelled Sasuke.
"SASUKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" yelled a small horde of fangirls chasing after the nearly naked Sasuke.
"Okay, could have used NOT seeing that," noted Naruto.
"You'll have to do a lot better than that to distract me," said Kakashi.
"GET OFF OF HIM! SASUKE'S MINE!" yelled Sakura as she chased after the crowd and apparently forgetting she was also mostly without clothing.
Naruto was briefly silent. "Can we get a do-over? This situation has gone completely out of control."
"Let me think about that," said Kakashi. "No."
"Kinda figured," admitted Naruto.
"Almost out of time," said Kakashi, pointing at the clock. "Next time, try something a little more subtle."
"Well, if that wasn't subtle enough," asked Naruto, "how about explosions?"
Kakashi WAS capable of making mistakes. "Do your worst."
Sasuke blinked and pinched himself, which was a lot simpler of a way to cause pain and break a genjutsu instead of doing something completely stupid like stabbing oneself with a kunai. Though if someone was looking he'd have to do the latter, the Uchiha had to uphold a certain level of coolness after all.
EVERYTHING was exploding. Trees were on fire and flying about. Bushes were exploding. Rocks were exploding. The GROUND was on fire.
A half-melted alarm clock trailing smoke bounced from one explosion to another and then came completely apart.
A line of earth became spikes and then exploded!
"I really need to learn that jutsu," said Sasuke.
"EEEEEEEEEE!" screamed several fangirls, apparently flushed out of the bushes by fireballs. And lightning bolts. Which were also on fire.
"I really really need to learn that jutsu," said Sasuke, submerging himself a bit further in the water when some of the explosions got closer.
Was that... lava?
"So, Kakashi," said the Hokage. "You gave your team the Bell Test."
"Right," said Kakashi, shifting around on his crutches.
"Which ended up with Training Ground Two ash, Training Ground Three - mostly craters, Training Ground Four - lava which is STILL cooling down, and several kunoichi with 'clothing depletion issues' - correct?" asked the Hokage.
"Well, yes," said Kakashi.
The Hokage's gaze was completely flat. "Okay. The way I see it. You can repair the training grounds yourself. Or you can pass Team 7 and have THEM repair the training grounds."
"-and so because you DID manage to use fires that only targetted non-living matter, and you DID manage to indicate teamwork, we are going to have a go at Team 7."
"'Teamwork'?" asked Sakura in a shaky voice.
"Yes, you ran and hid, allowing Naruto to unleash his full jutsu. Sasuke stood ready to take advantage if the distractions actually managed to get me to lower my guard, so - yes. Teamwork," said Kakashi.
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(Posted Sat, 22 Mar 2014 16:22)
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