"Hey, handsome," said a copy of Toltiir to Toltiir.
"Why, Toltiir," said Toltiir. "What's a nice fellow like you doing here?"
Toltiir pointed behind him. "I just took another branch, found these girls, rescued them from a BAD timeline, then made a deal with their leader to clone them."
"Ohh, I think that has possibilities," agreed Toltiir. "Thank you. You bring the most amusing toys."
"Uhm, excuse me?" asked the blue-haired one, who was the only one NOT gawking at the now-infinite number of black cats talking to another infinite number of black cats.
"Ami Mizuno, aka Sailor Mercury, aka Sailor Purrcury, alias Yukionna, what's shaking?" asked the conga-line of black cats as they regarded her.
"I think you've just created an infinite progression loop," pointed out Sailor Mercury.
"Why is THAT me a catgirl?!" exclaimed Minako, pointing.
"Why is THAT me an elf?!" exclaimed Usagi, pointing at another group.
"Why is THAT me a Gundam?!" exclaimed Haruka, pointing at yet another version of themselves.
POP! went the images of infinite black cats and the more-and-more distorted Senshi behind them.
"Okay," said Toltiir as there was just one of him now. He led Sailor Mercury over to the side by the leash attached to the collar on her neck. "It's fixed. More or less. Special exclusions and limitations may apply. Not available in all areas."
Sailor Mercury frowned, but realized that if she was going to complain about everything nonsensical a god of mischief was going to do - she was probably going to die of old age before she was done.
"There's us, and... are those the girls from 'Rosario + Vampire?'" asked Minako. "And those are the girls from Magic Knight Rayearth!"
"Right," said Toltiir.
"How many of us are there?" asked Haruka.
"Quite a few actually," admitted Toltiir. "It's okay. Most of you will settle in, just showing up briefly in the Christmas Specials and the like or in crowd scenes - helping to repel invasions and such. Things like that. How involved you get, and how close to the center of things - that's up to you. Free will and that sort of thing."
"Oh?" asked Haruka. "Then why bother with this?"
Toltiir cocked his head at the girl, blinking once.
Ami sighed, deciding to interrupt before she ended up a catgirl or something. Even if she thought she'd be cute and cuddly and therefore thought the concept had a certain attractiveness to it. "Because he's a god of mischief and chaos?"
"Oh. Point," admitted Haruka.
"Now, all of you remember the details of your deaths or at least the bad ending you ended up with," pointed out Toltiir. "So don't look at this as some punishment or something. If you want a leading role in the story of Naruto - go for it. Otherwise you're just support characters set up to make his initial frenzy of engagements more over the top."
"No," said Haruka.
"No?" asked Toltiir.
"No," said Haruka. "You want me engaged to some eleven year old boy?"
"You'll be around his age, so that shouldn't be a problem," said Toltiir.
"I mean NO, and you can't make me," began Haruka.
POOF!
"Okay then," said Toltiir.
"Uhm," said Michiru, holding up a hand. "Excuse me. What happened to Haruka?"
"Well, per the wish, he can also have gynoids, pets, catgirls, drow elves, loveslaves," said the cat.
Michiru twitched several times in a most inelegant fashion.
"Odd," mumbled Toltiir to himself. "You'd think she'd learn after a few... oh yeah, they can't perceive themselves on multiple timelines simultaneously. My bad."
"Uhm, which is Haruka?" asked Minako.
"Why not take a look yourself?" asked Toltiir.
POOF!
"Ah," said Toltiir, now alone. "I love the smell of chaos in the morning."
"-and so you will infiltrate the village and get close to Naruto Uzumaki," said the Kazekage.
"Right," said Haruka of the Sand.
"I don't care what role you take," said the Kazekage, his Killing Intent spilling over the young girl to impress how serious this was on the child. "Be his fiancee, his wife, his pet, whatever it takes! Find out what secrets you can and by all means necessary make and keep his confidence. Baki will arrange for a contact within Konoha for you to drop reports off."
"You can count on me, sir!" declared Haruka.
"If you fail and get sent back here," promised the Kazekage, "you will be fed to the Sarlacc."
"We don't have one, do we?" asked Haruka, a little less certain.
"I will find, make, or summon one just for the occasion," promised the Kazekage.
"Yes, Mizukage," said Michiru. "I will infiltrate this boy's harem and learn his secrets. If possible, I will turn his loyalties to our own village."
"See that you do," said the Mizukage. "Oh, and I suspect that the other villages will use this opportunity to infiltrate as well. Be sure to foil their plans when you can."
"Great," said Tsunade. "How did this happen?"
"I think it was when you thought your hand was going to beat the house," said Shizune helpfully. "It didn't."
Tsunade sighed and looked back at the various cheerful bride-candidates who were chattering back and forth. "Well, there's only one thing to do about this."
"Ditch them, and run far far away?" guessed Shizune.
"No," said Tsunade after considering that for a few moments.
Shizune shrugged, it was what they usually did when Tsunade's debts came calling.
"Take them to Konoha, drop them off, THEN run away," said Tsunade. "Then we lie low until all this goes away."
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(Posted Wed, 29 Sep 2010 16:51)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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