Ding!
"English muffin?" asked the cat, telekinetically plucking the freshly toasted muffin from the toaster and setting them on the plate.
"Wha?" asked one of the persons.
"Oh. Naruto Uzumaki wished for a big family," said the cat. "I looked it up."
Clan: 1) a large group of people who are related, 2) a group of families descended from a common ancestor, 3) a group united by a common interest.
"A floating text screen?" asked one of the other persons.
"Yes, now in Konohagakure, aka the Village Hidden In The Leaves, alias the Leaf Village, and so on - clans are specifically addressed and given certain rights and privileges that are not available solely to orphans or non-ninja families," said the cat. "Apricot jam?"
"Uhm, yeah, I guess," said one of the guys involved.
"So, I just mixed a few things, found some people who had died in their respective timelines in a number of unpleasant ways and thought I'd make the offer," said the cat, making a number of himself all carrying tea-trays. "You can return to your original time and place, or you can become proud members of the Uzumaki clan and various branch families and retainer groups and so on."
"Just to be clear?" asked the guy who'd agreed to having apricot jam on his toasted bread. "Going back means we stay dead."
"Right," agreed the cat, not spilling a drop of tea as he poured. "Dead and going on to whatever afterlife exists in that particular universe and your faith allowed for - unless you don't believe in that sort of thing in which case you're simply dead."
"Oh, gee, tough choice," said another of the guys.
"I don't believe you, I don't believe in you, dead is dead," said another guy.
Poof!
"Where'd he go?" asked one of the girls.
"Back to a world where he's dead," said Toltiir. "It's your choice you know. That's important to humans. I don't understand a lot of what you do - but that point is usually pretty much a given."
"Whereas if we accept this, we become ninja?" asked another girl, sounding as if she considered that equally bad.
"Oh no, not at all," said Toltiir. "That would be boring wouldn't it?"
"How exactly are we supposed to be introduced? Won't it be suspicious if we all turn up one day?" asked someone else.
"Already handled," said Toltiir.
"Jiraiya? You said you had something important?" asked Hiruzen Sarutobi, flanked by four ANBU. He paused as he got a good look at his one-time student. "What happened to you?"
"I was investigating activity at the ruins of Uzushiogakure," said Jiraiya. "Kiri, Kumo, and Iwa all had representatives. The word had reached me that they had something which could shift the balance of power in the Elemental Countries."
"And you brought whatever-it-was here after a running battle and massive amounts of destruction?" asked the Hokage.
"Yeah. Pretty much the usual," admitted Jiraiya. "Over there."
As there was a single box in the warehouse, everyone glanced briefly at it. Well, except for two ANBU who kept looking everywhere they would expect an attack to come from. Which was, ninja after all, everywhere.
"What is it this time? An artifact from the time of the Sage Of Six Paths? A summoned weapon of untold power? A shard of crystallized space/time?"
"No, not this time," said Jiraiya. "It's the single most complicated sealing job I've ever seen - and it is locked by a blood seal."
"Well, let's see what-" began the Hokage, nodding. An ANBU whipped the covering sheet off the box. At which point he stopped speaking as he took in the detail.
"Yeah," said Jiraiya. "Impressive isn't it? They saw the end coming and sealed away an entire shelter. Those Uzumaki seal-masters really knew what they were doing."
"How did you carry something that massive?" noted Hiruzen.
"It's sealed away perfectly, sealed in both time and space," said Jiraiya. "If I'm right, they've been in there about six months from their perspective."
"What? What makes you think so?" asked one of the ANBU.
Jiraiya pointed to a leaf that was caught in the process of falling from a tree. "That leaf has moved ever so slightly just in the week it took me to get that here. That gives me a rate of time, so when I apply that to the time it's been since Whirlpool fell. Roughly six months."
"So, yeah," said Toltiir. "You guys would be weakened and starving by that point, but it works for an introduction don't you think?"
"Why are most of us girls?" asked one of the girls.
"Because the village is very heavily slanted towards the male population end of things," said Toltiir. "Now, anyone who agrees with the idea - I've got backgrounds and skill packages for you to look over pending approval. If you want something in particular - ask. I might be amenable."
"So," began Usagi. "I'm a... what is this again?"
Ami blinked and looked closer at the floating text screen in front of her friend.
[--------Usagi Tsukino--------]
[Minor Clan. Dango Shop Employ]
[Granted Ability: +Cooking 250]
[Non-Kunoichi Character Option]
[Accept]---------------[Reject]
"This means you've chosen not to be a kunoichi, and you'd be an employee of a store that sells dango," said Ami. "If I understand the 'granted ability' section, you'd be able to cook."
"Oh?" asked Usagi, who then peered over at her friend's display.
[---------Ami Mizuno----------]
[Major Clan. Medical Heritage]
[Granted Ability: Hyouton Type]
[ -Kunoichi/Medic-nin Option- ]
[Accept]---------------[Reject]
"You're going to be a ninja?!" asked Usagi, not believing it.
"Medic-nin," said Ami. "They're field medics and healers, the most effective doctors in that world."
"But - ninja," pointed out Usagi. "Doesn't that mean you have to go killing people you don't even know?"
Ami frowned slightly as she thought about it. Finally she reached out and rejected it. A non-ninja option appeared.
[---------Ami Mizuno----------]
[Minor Clan. Medical Heritage]
[Granted Ability: Medic School]
[Non-Kunoichi Character Option]
[Accept]---------------[Reject]
"I think this basically relegates us to background character roles," said Ami, frowning slightly. She could see both pluses and minuses to such a situation. She reached out and touched the 'Reject' button so she could look at the kunoichi option again and let out a little noise when that didn't come up.
[---------Ami Mizuno----------]
[Mother only. Samurai Survivor]
[Granted Weapon: Icefang Tanto]
[ --Samurai Retainer Option-- ]
[Accept]---------------[Reject]
"Wait, there's more than just 'ninja' and 'non-ninja'?" asked Rei, revealing she'd been watching.
"Cool!" said Usagi, racing ahead by rejecting several in a row without really looking. "Huh? What the-?"
[--------Usagi Tsukino--------]
[Final Option. Personal servnt]
[Granted Ability: Housekeeping]
[Non-Kunoichi Character Option]
[Accept]---------------[Reject]
"Usagi," said Ami quietly. "Don't hit 'Reject' on this one."
"But... a housekeeper?" asked Usagi, thinking that didn't sound awesome at all.
"It says final option, want to bet that rejecting that rejects all of them?" asked Ami. "Our host is a 'god of mischief' - remember?"
"So... I'm stuck as a -" Usagi hit 'Accept' and was abruptly wearing a maid uniform. Not a kinky version either, as the skirt was clearly knee-length. She was also apparently eleven years old. "Oh, how cute!"
Luna-kitten stuck her head out of the apron pocket and proclaimed this all very disturbing.
"So, go back to Zombie Apocalypse Land or become ninja."
"I will never listen to that 'Just Imagine' song again without seeing those things."
"Uhm. Why?"
"That was the song playing on the radio when they were chasing us at the mall, and it just hit me that the zombies fit the song. 'No borders, no possessions' - all the zombies are in harmony with each other and such."
"Back to the problem at hand, oh. We can be samurai girls?"
"Is that better than being ninja?"
"Have you ever seen a ninja movie with a happy ending? At least with samurai you get 50/50 odds."
"Oh, I hadn't expected that," noted Toltiir. Well, that was why he didn't do the omniscient route. Much better that things could surprise you even if they went a direction you didn't want. It could still provide something interesting.
As it was:
Read the comments on this episode
(Posted Thu, 13 Feb 2014 19:37)
Questions? Problems? Suggestions?
Send a mail to addventure@bast-enterprises.de
or use the contact form.
らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
All other series and their characters are © by their respective creators or owners. No claims of ownership of these characters are implied by the authors of this Addventure, or should be inferred.
The Anime Addventure is a non-profit site.