“Ami,” came the simple words of the doctor from over the phone, trying to get her daughter’s attention. “Is Ranma still screaming?”
The young blunette juku student took a deep breath. “Yes, mom,” she replied into the phone. “Yes he is.”
Hearing that, Ami’s mother sighed. After a moment, the elder Mizuno then asked, “Ami see if you can calm him down.”
Ami blinked her eyes once, twice. “How?” she inquired. “He seems out of it.”
If there was one aspect Dr. Mizuno knew about being a good doctor, it was knowing one’s patients. “Use food.”
Considering that for a moment and nodded her head. “Uh... Usagi?”
The odango-haired blonde turned towards her friend. “WHA~AAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?” she asked, still wailing herself.
Raising her free hand to her face, the currently depowered Senshi of Mercury tried to avery an oncoming headache. “Usagi-chan! Calm down!” she shouted firmly. “Eat some chicken and then give Ranma a piece!”
“But...” Usagi sniffled. “I’ve already finished it off...” she made emphasis of the situation by upturning the bucket the shaking it. Only a few measly crispy crumbs came falling out of the Extra Crispy Bucket.
“...Ami,” the Doctor’s voice came on over the phone again. “Where is the nearest KFC?”
“The Juuban one...” the dutiful daughter replied quickly.
“Really? There IS one in Juuban? When did that happen?” The Doctor asked curiously. Last she knew, there was a push by the Juuban public health board to ban all Trans-Fats in the area.
“Oh, yes, quite recently: it opened up near the Crown Fruit Parlor and is taking their business...” the young student replied. “We had gone over earlier today to give Motoki and his sister our condolences about the competition they’re being faced with when... well...” she blushed a little, feeling guilty. “We got side-tracked.”
The blonde with twin ponytails nodded her head furiously. “No one can deny the Siren's Call of the Colonel!!” Usagi shouted, trying to defend her actions. Besides, it was Motoki’s fault anyway for not living up to his potential as a boyfriend for any of the Senshi.
There was a very long pause of silence from the doctor’s end of the phone. “...Right...” she finally spoke. “Is there anything else you can feed him... as it stands, I don’t know what else would snap him out of it.”
The blunette nodded her head. “I’ll ask Rei,” Ami covered the phone’s reciever with her right hand as she turned to her friend. “Rei? What do we have in your fridge? It’s urgent!”
The fiery one of the currently depowered Senshi looked at Ami, one of the few of her friends who didn’t drive her nuts. The Shinto Priestess was surprised as it wasn’t often one received such a gluttony-oriented question from that on. “Uh... let me go check.”
Nodding her head in acceptance, Ami pleaded, “Hurry, please!”
Rei was about to comment when she heard something on Minako’s cell phone. She turned to it and screamed at her psychiatrist, “NO! I DO NOT HAVE ANY BREAST MILK IN THERE!? WHY WOULD I EVEN BE LACTATING!?”
Slapping herself on the face, Ami walked over to Rei and snatched the cell-phone from her. “She’ll call you back!” She cut it off before turning to her raven-haired friend, shouting, “Get a better shrink! All those meds are bad for you!” Before Rei could reply, she continued, “Now help me get Usagi and Ranma some food so they can stop crying!”
Gulping nervously as Ami’s tone became forceful—seriously, when the hell did that girl grow a spine—Rei nodded her head and answered, “Sure! This way!” She then lead Ami out of the room, down the hall and into the kitchen. Walking up to the refrigerator, she threw the doors open. “Uh, let’s see... cheese, ham, leftovers...”
“What’re the leftovers?” the blunette questioned.
Looking at the box and lifting the lid a little, the currently depowered Senshi of Mars answered, “It’s the steak from the Hibachi Bar and Grill Gramps and I ate at last night.”
“That’ll do!” Ami shouted, reaching around her friend and grabbing for the two Styrofoam boxes.
Yelping as she was shoved to the side, the raven-haired miko shouted, “My steak!”
“I'll get you a steak dinner tonight Rei,” the blunette juku student replied, allowing Rei to step out of the way so she had full access to the refrigerator. “Focus on crisis... or do you want to hear Usagi and Ranma cry on and on hysterically until your ears bleed?”
Rei considered that and frowned. No, she did NOT want to continue to listen to Usagi’s wails. “Ranma’s the guy, right?”
Nodding her head as she was bent over and leaning into the fridge, Ami replied, “Yes. The guy tied to the chair is Ranma. He’s a former patient of mine and apparently someone Setsuna has decided to kidnap for the greater good...” she shrugged. “Don’t ask me how it fits, but apparently it does.”
Rei blinked her eyes once, twice. “...Ri~iiight...” she said slowly as her friend opened the cupboards, looking for plates.
Rolling her eyes, Ami replied, “We can argue the semantics later, Rei. Right now I really need to get this food ready.” That said, Ami emptied the Styrofoam clamp-shells and put the steak bites onto two plates before putting them into the microwave.
Slowly nodding her head in understanding—not that Rei really understood, she just wanted that blonde plague upon her soul to stop crying—the two waited for the to microwave to ding. Once it had, the two took the plates with a knives and forks—which Ami carried as she didn’t trust Rei to NOT stab Usagi in the eye socket—and back to the other room.
“EAT!” Both Ami and Rei proclaimed as they shoved the plates into Ranma and Usagi respective grasps.
Waterworks suddenly turning off, Usagi was more than happy to accept and started scarfing. “YUM! BEEF! I LOVE BEEF!" She giggled with what was practically a pleasurable high as she tore into her meal.
Ranma held his with one hand. “Um... someone mind untying my other hand? I wanna eat this.”
Getting closer to him—and being wary of the dark glares from Makoto and Minako—Ami worked on the rope, freeing him some more. “That help?”
“Thanks!” Ranma cheered before taking the plate. He then did as Usagi was and started to scarfing his food. “Mmm... steak!”
Watching the two eat, Ami took her Senshi Communicator redialed her mother’s work number, hoping she was still able to talk. When she picked up the phone, the blunette replied, “Mom... he’s calm again.”
“Good. Once he eats let me talk to him again,” the doctor said to her daughter. “I believe we need to at least sort things out with what is going on at the very least...”
Setsuna meanwhile, just glared as she watched the youth that was the grand-hellspawn of the most hated Senshi enjoy his meal of hibachi steak. “Ami, perhaps I should talk with your mother...” she said in a tone that was more a command than a request.
Looking over at the woman, Ami gave her a stern gaze. “What for?”
Sighing, the Senshi of Pluto more calmly asked, “I just... let me please?”
Ami looked reluctant but finally decided against her better judgment. “Okay but Setsuna... just calm down some, okay?”
Nodding her head in understanding, Setsuna replied, “I will but please... let me explain to your mother that no, there is no girl and that the old woman is crazy and she thinks Ranma is a granddaughter rather than her grandson...”
“I can hear you just fine,” the doctor on the other end of the line said, speaking up. “But I believe it actually IS a good idea for Ranma to come in for an OB/GYN.”
The piece of steak in Ranma’s mouth fell from his lips and back onto the plate. “...Come again?”
“I’ll ask my colleague to let me run the test, as for why... it would be a good idea hygiene-wise to make sure Ranma’s female ‘plumbing’ is working fine... I doubt there would be any problems but it is better to be safe than sorry,” Dr. Mizuno said, giving her professional opinion. “Plus if he goes in for it... it might get his Grandmother off his back.”
Ranma snorted. “Yeah, like that’ll happen! She wants me to wear a sailor fuku and... hell! I don’t know and I don’t want to know! I tuned out half of what she wanted when she started to insist towards me in the female status!”
Setsuna looked towards the Senshi Communicator being used as a phone. “Mizuno-san, is it really a good idea to encourage her delusions?”
The doctor was quite for a long pause. “In all honesty? Probably not,” she admitted. “However, I believe the OB/GYN is good for the health of Ranma’s female form.”
“I ain’t gonna do it!” Ranma shouted vehemently. “You know how crazy she is!? And it’s pissing me off that she INSISTS I’m a girl!” he shouted with righteous indignation, wondering if this was why Akane always bitched and moaned... it was kind of therapeutic.
Dr. Mizuno was quiet for a few moments more. “As rude as that is of your grandmother, the reality is that she has a valid point. You have a female body half the time, Saotome-san. It’s not a bad idea to make sure that both sides are healthy. I also have this feeling you haven’t bothered to be educated in how to care for your girl side... granted I know your first reaction is to change back ASAP... but basic anatomic and hygienic knowledge would go a long way.”
“...A long way in what way!?” Ranma demanded, wondering if it was worth getting Ami mad when he tossed her odd cell-phone thing against the wall.
“Ranma,” the doctor said his name firmly. “You’ve had a few skewed ideas and a sexist mentality instilled in you about what it is to be... manly...” she paused, trying to repress the memories of her time spent with Nodoka in college. When she was certain she wouldn’t need to dip into any of the hard stuff when she got home, Dr. Mizuno continued, “And to be frank with you, how your Father dragged you into the wilds to train for over ten years and the subsequent lack of social skills and academic education... well it’s a little wonder you’re a neurotic mess.”
The pigtailed martial artist was quiet for a long, long while as he considered the woman’s words... as if for once, they had reached his brain. Light seemed to shine behind his blue eyes as understanding was finally upon him.
Slowly, he opened his mouth to speak the words that would change many people’s opinion of his forever.
“What the HELL does ‘neurotic’ mean?”
“It means you're messed up in the head,” the Shinto Priestess of the Hikawa Shrine snapped.
Elbowing Rei’s side, the blunette cleared her throat. “A~hem...”
“Ow!” the raven-haired teenager yelped. “What was that—”
Before the currently depowered Senshi of Mars could finish, Ami answered, “Rei you were arguing with your therapist very loudly over things, and you have anger management. I don’t think you have any room to talk.”
Although she glared at her friend, Rei otherwise remained silent.
Taking a deep breath, Ami continued. “That said,” she turned to face the pigtailed martial artist. “I believe my mother has a point in you could help yourself by being less... evasive of your girl side.” Ami said gently to Ranma.
Going wide-eyed at the statement, it was the Senshi of Pluto that managed to snap before said gender-bending martial artist. “No he shouldn’t!”
Slowly, Ami turned about once more, giving the viridian-haired woman a surprisingly intimidating glare. “Setsuna, I am the medical professional in training and my Mother IS the professional, you have no say!”
Her jaw literally dropping, Sailor Pluto just STARED at the young Mizuno woman. Since when the hell did she have cajonés of THIS magnitude!?
Minako, Makoto, Usagi and Rei were of a similar physical and mental state. They’d never known Ami to show backbone like this often... the only time that came to recent memory for most gathered was when Ami was doing her best to protect Ryo Urawa, one of the Seven Rainbow Crystal Carriers...
“OH MY GOD!” Usagi cried out in shock and horror from her own misunderstanding. “Ranma is Ami’s boyfriend!!”
“I’M NOT HER BOYFRIEND!”
“HE’S NOT MY BOYFRIEND!” was the almost simultaneous cry of Ranma and Ami, faces flushed red with embarrassment..
“Wow that was intense,” Rei muttered right hand coming up to the side of her head as she suddenly felt dizzy. She’d been standing nearly between the two.
Blushing lightly, Ranma sheepishly apologized, “Sorry. Reflex.”
Bringing her own hand up to her face, Ami rubbed her eyes. “Mom? We’ll call you back. We need to talk more.” Before her mother could keep this conversation—and in effect, insanity—going, the depowered Senshi of Mercury wisely shut off her phone/communicator.
Once she regained her wits, Setsuna glared at Ami. On one hand she was pleasantly surprised she showed a backbone. However, Sailor Pluto really wished it wasn’t now of all times for her to grow one. “Ami! WHY do you want him to get in touch with his feminine side? He’s the lynchpin to getting your powers back!”
“I’d rather we not do things ‘to’ him to get them back! As it is Setsuna, just how and what is this deal about?” Ami questioned the Senshi of Pluto. “All we got before you left was some ancient strip poker game, a bet and how our powers are repossessed until a certain events come into place... what do we need to do to get them back so we can deal with Jadeite?”
Hearing those words, the viridian-tressed tanned woman frowned. Setsuna had NOT been looking forward to this... but a least Ami had been forthcoming in her asking. For that, she’d get the truth... hopefully it would scare the younger woman into place and allow them to get things done!
“Ami, back in the Silver Millennium... Sailor Sol was a hellion and was making immense trouble for all of the Senshi...” the oldest of the women gathered took a deep breath. “We needed to get rid of her and fortunately we knew her great weakness: she was a gambler. We felt this vice could be exploited so we all agreed that if we all got together in a poker tournament, we could gang up on her and make her place insane bets... such as her powers. We could then win them from her and demote Sol to a lowly station where she couldn’t cause any more problems... such as Lunar Ice-Rink Smoother or Royal Moon Stable-Hand... and then split the power between us equally. I’d even written up contracts for her to sign to make sure it would be nice and legal.”
The Senshi of Pluto groaned. “Unfortunately, she STILL beat all of us!!”
The currently depowered Senshi of Mercury considered that for a moment. Finally, she looked up and inquired, “How was she a Hellion?”
Ms. Meioh twitched. “Why do I need to list it off?”
“Because Setsuna, you can be so single-minded with your goals to the point of you neglect things outside of your viewpoint.” Ami pointed out rather bluntly. “Was this Sailor Sol a legitimate problem or did someone’s pride back then cause this mess?”
“I dunno...” the pigtailed martial artist piped up. “My Granny seems like a trouble maker,” Ranma admitted. “I mean... I dunno about all this stuff but... just my first meeting with her, I got that impression.”
Pointing at Ranma, Setsuna snapped, “See? Her own grandson admits she’s trouble!”
“He just met her under extreme circumstances. In his place, I’d paint her as nuts too!” Makoto added. Just because Ami had her foot in the proverbial door didn’t mean the currently depowered Senshi of Jupiter wasn’t still going to try and get her own chance at him.
Looking over the gathered Senshi and grandson of her biggest pain in the ass, Setsuna frowned. “Let me start things off like this. Do you know about the event that happened where Dinosaurs died out and earth’s population barely survived as there was an immense global cooling to where almost the entirety of the planet was covered in snow and ice?”
“Global Warming?” Minako asked.
The Protector of the Gates of Time twitched. “No, this is the opposite!”
Considering the woman’s words, the blunette frowned. “Are you trying to insinuate that Ranma’s grandmother caused the Ice Age?”
Despite her usual controlled state and feminine grace, Setsuna let off a rather unlady-like snort. “Insinuating nothing: I’m telling you!”
Ami blinked her eyes once, twice. “How did she do that?”
Setsuna twitched. “She was experimenting with her power to create a technique...”
Listenbing and watching the woman, Ami wanted to say Setsuna was exaggerating... but the look of disgust and fear was genuine. “Yikes! Okay, I can see that as a reason we in the past would have tried to trick her out of her powers....”
“...Wow…” Minako whispered. “So she was like, insanely strong?”
“Not powerful enough to fight against the power of the Ginzuishou... but because she never did anything evil the Silver Crystal would have zero effect and back then, Queen Serenity did not want go to war with another Senshi and implored we be as diplomatic as possible in solving the problem.” Setsuna took another deep breath. “The Poker Tournament was as diplomatic as it got... even the Queen got in on it...”
“...Mama?” Usagi asked curiously.
Nodding her head, the Senshi of Pluto replied, “Yes. Queen Serenity took part in that game... and dear God, did she lose horribly... she was down to just ownership of the Ginzuishou before she decided she was ‘out’. After the first few rounds, Sol got possession of the Lunar Castle, the Royal Throne, the Moon itself... even Serenity’s panties.”
All the Senshi present and even Ranma winced. “Ouch...” the pigtailed martial artist muttered. And here he thought HE sucked at card games.
Nodding her head, Setsuna continued. “Yes. suffice to say... we got our butts handed to us badly...”
Now things were becoming clear to the Juku student of the group. “Let me guess. She didn’t feel like just taking everything. She wanted to see us squirm so her condition was that if we...” Ami winced. “Failed to stop an enemy, we lose our powers to her and she gets to pick a new Senshi team unless she feels like letting us have our powers back?”
Sighing, Sailor Pluto answered, “Pretty much.”
“And let me get this straight,” Ranma interjected. “That is why my Grandma is trying to make me the next Sol? She’s trying to rub salt in the wound of your pride?” Boy, was he EVER familiar with that... and it was actually making him feel pity for the others besides himself.
“That’s about the gist of it,” Setsuna replied.
“Hence, why you kidnapped me,” the heir of the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts continued, starting to understand. “It wasn’t so much because you were trying to kidnap me for marriage or nothing, you just wanted to keep Grandma from turning me into the next Sailor Sol and replacing you guys?”
Nodding her head, the viridian-tressed woman answered, “Exactly.”
Raising his head, Ranma scratched the back of his neck, considering what was going on. This didn’t just effect him, it effected poor Ami and her friends! “Man! This is a pickle...”
It was then Usagi of all people brought up an interesting concept. “Um... wouldn’t Ranma be able to make the contracts null and void once he became Sol?”
The Senshi of Pluto shook her head. “No, because of the conditions set into her own contract she made us sign,” Setsuna explained. “She had every intention to keep our powers for herself but she decided she’d have more FUN this way...” the viridian-haired woman snarled, a spark behind her red eyes. “We’d have our powers back... but the first time we ‘failed’ and an enemy returned from what should have been defeat, they’d be snapped up and kept from us until the enemy is truly defeated...”
The viridian-tressed woman looked around. “There was one specific loophole around it... if the Senshi weren’t the Senshi. If you’d had children and they inherited your powers... well, she wouldn’t have been able to legally take them. She is big on family, you understand.” The woman then raised a hand to her chest. “I’m spared because of a loophole created by the wording. She meant it for the Senshi of this Solar System... well, thanks to a few scientists deciding that Pluto is actually part of the Kuiper Belt... I’m spared.”
“So besides making Grandma give them back, isn’t there some other way you could get them returned?” Ranma questioned curiously.
Setsuna let off a long-suffering sigh. “Ranma... as much as it pains me to admit it, your Grandmother is a crafty one. She made sure we had no chance. As I explained, because of circumstances, I got lucky.”
Rei was quick to rebuttal with, “But if Ranma refuses and there's a need for Sailor Senshi, surely she’d recant!” She couldn’t believe someone who was a Sailor Senshi allow evil to run rampant!
Sighing, the older woman gave the raven-haired teenager a half-lidded gaze. “No, she wouldn’t. It’s her way or the highway, damn the consequences...”
The dual-ponytailed blonde of the group gasped in horror. “She... she would let innocents get hurt!?”
Setsuna snorted. “More like she’d shift responsibility and lay any blame squarely on Ranma here for not taking up his... or should I say ‘her’ mantle.”
That made Ranma frown; he didn’t want to deal with this problem "Can't I just use the powers in a male guise?”
The only powered Senshi considered that for a moment. “I honestly do not know,” Setsuna replied honestly. “Technically, Tuxedo Kamen is the Senshi of Earth, but his battle costume is obviously not typical of a Senshi. Knights tend to have powers that are Emotion-based rather than Elemental like the female Senshi.”
It was then the blonde with a ribbon in her hair raised her hand as if she were back in Grade School. “I have a question...” as Sailor Pluto turned to her, Minako asked, “Was Sol reincarnated like we were?”
Pluto shook her head. “No. Like myself, she merely has longevity.” Setsuna smiled sourly. “The Time Gates extended my lifespan as well as maintaining my youth and beauty as a perk. Sol draws energy from the flow of the solar system and the sun in particular... so it slowed her aging considerably.”
Minako blinked her eyes. “So... what does that mean? Are you telling us that she’s just been hanging around all this time, while we were waiting to be reincarnated?”
Nodding her head, Setsuna could only reply, “Pretty much. Like myself, she’s been around to watch the rise and fall of civilizations.”
“...Wow...” Minako whispered. “She must be VERY organized. My dad loses paperwork if he allows it to stack up over a week. For her to keep a contact for over a millennium? Damned impressive!”
“You have no idea.” Setsuna grumbled, rubbing her face. God the downside of not dying and reincarnating was she had to deal with Sol still lingering to harass her.
Considering all that they’d been told, Ami suggested, “Maybe we ought to get Mamoru, Haruka, Michiru, and Hotaru back in here to hear this. Maybe if we all put our heads together maybe we can come up with something.”
“Maybe we could challenge her to cards... or some other game?” Makoto proposed.
That made Ranma wince. Man, of all the things he got from his Grandmother, her skill at cards was definitely NOT one of them!
“NO!” Setsuna shouted. “No more cards! We’re in this mess we are now BECAUSE we thought we could beat her the first time around... and you see how that’s gone about...”
The depowered Senshi of Jupiter looked insulted. “Hey! We’re different this time,” Makoto said firmly.
The viridian-tressed woman rolled her red eyes. “Yeah, you suck even worse at it,” Setsuna snorted. “Usagi’s Poker Face speaks more volumes than her last essay for Japanese History did.”
“HEY!” the Princess of the Moon shouted indignantly. “Just what was wrong with my essays!?”
The blunette sighed. “Later Usagi, later,” Ami said, trying to pacify her. If anything, she’d have more time to help the girl work on her school-work.
Crossing his arms over his chest, the pigtailed martial artist frowned. “There’s gotta be SOME way my Grandma would fold...” Ranma grumbled as he pressed his back into the chair. “The fact is, I don’t want to put on a fuku and be Sailor Sol!”
“The only loophole I could think of is if you had a daughter that could inherit the title,” Setsuna mumbled, rubbing her chin in thought. “Much like how your Mother was passed over. Your Grandmother still could have trained her as Sol but I guess when you were born, she figured she’d wait a generation or two.”
That made the pigtailed martial artist blink his eyes once, twice. “I thought she skipped over mom because mom apparently pissed her off,” Ranma replied in all seriousness. “Have you seen those two together? Kami-sama, mom’s hand TWITCHED on the family honor blade. She looked ready to strike grandma down!”
“If your grandmother really wanted your mother to be Sol, she’d be Sol come hell or high water... I won’t disagree their pissing contest wasn’t a factor,” Setsuna admitted honestly.
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(Posted Tue, 10 May 2011 01:08)
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