"I got it from a creature that is of a highly advanced civilization," said Kyubey.
"Interesting," said the other as it studied the brightly glowing egg. "It has an energy level of... that's more energy than the entire universe contains..."
"That's right, I've looked it over carefully," said Kyubey. "All perfectly balanced and held within a thin crystalline container. With this, we can advance our plans accordingly."
"Put it within the harvester," demanded the Other. "We'll drain off the energy carefully and put it to use. How goes the harvest on Earth?"
"Quite well, we have several useful girls who are incubating nicely," said Kyubey. "Oh this is..."
TRIP! tink-dink-dink
Kyubey stared as the egg rolled up against a wall.
"Whew!" said Kyubey and the Other as the egg came to a stop.
CRAK!
"Oh shi-" began Kyubey.
The scene dissolved into white light.
"See," said the cat. "That's called ironic humor."
The various girls looked at each other.
Akemi held up a hand.
"Homura Akemi, you have a question?" asked the cat.
"How big is that explosion?" asked Homura.
"It's a Big Bang," said the cat. "Initially it is a mere ten light-years across. It will expand at the speed of light, eventually reaching across that entire universe. Of course, it dissipates as it does."
"How many civilizations has it doomed then?" asked Homura.
"One," said the cat. "All other civilizations in that particular galaxy have already been destroyed by Kyubey and his fellows."
Homura nodded at that. "Good."
"How can it be good?" asked the pinkette. "How many lives were destroyed by that... joke?!"
"Seven," said the cat.
"Eh?!" said all the girls.
"Those two and five other Incubators whose connection to their homeworld basically annihilated them," said the cat, managing a shrug despite not being anatomically constructed for such.
"You said other civilizations, so Earth was not their first?" asked Homura. "How many?"
"Forty seven thousand, three hundred twelve civilizations were destroyed by Kyubey and his civilization," stated the cat. "As far as sentient beings, with the direct and indirect effects they produced - figure an average of six billion sentient life forms for each civilization."
There was silence among the girls following that.
Finally Homura spoke again. "I can visualize the number, but it is beyond my abilities to really understand it."
"So, here's the deal," said the cat with a handwave.
"Pardon me, Mister Cat..." said Madoka, sounding hesitant.
"I go by many names, lately 'Toltiir' being the primary," said the cat.
"What's that mean?" asked Madoka.
"It's from an ancient language, meaning 'cosmic laughter' - I thought it was appropriate," admitted Toltiir.
"So Kyubey did it for slowing the heat death of the universe, and you do things - for a laugh?" asked Madoka.
"Too many lives, worlds, universes - end in tragedy," said Toltiir. "Humor is a good thing."
"I see," said Homura. "The deal?"
"You are all either magical girls with the setup that Kyubey used, or you've already progressed to witches," said Toltiir. "I can undo all that. You'd be human again, with some magical abilities that would be called a 'kekkei genkai' in the world I'm currently working with. This is a world of legendary ninja casting powerful magical spells and such, and there are Bad Guys. Lots of them. I basically set you up in the closest thing they have to a Good Guy nation. There's a single Hero who needs help."
"Is that... Naruto Uzumaki?!" asked Sayaka.
"You know him?!" asked the other girls.
"Yeah, he's the main character of a manga about... ninja," said Sayaka Miki as she put it all together. "Too damn many filler episodes in the anime."
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(Posted Mon, 09 May 2011 16:50)
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