Ranma just twitched.
This wasn’t a normal twitch; this was a twitch brought on by his new life.
He wasn’t quite yearning for Nerima … but it was close, oh so close.
Once again, his teacher—the assistant, not the main one—had decided that to enter the apartment of Team 9, it would be best to make a new entrance…
Through the ceiling…
In the bedroom, where they were hiding in fear sleeping after getting their cold feet off his backside.
To add to the sheer audacity, the woman had then made them cook breakfast … for the teachers as well! No extra food had been brought—although the clones repairing the new ‘skylight’ had let him know the Moku Bunshin of Yamato had gone and bought them new groceries—more even.
The man didn’t even have the heart to tell them to expect Anko to demand breakfast again, tomorrow.
“Ranma makes the BEST breakfast,” Mihoshi chirruped as she poured her syrup. “I love it when he makes pancakes,” she licked her lips as she continued to empty the bottle of Maple Syrup.
Looking down at the offered edible, Yamato studied the stack of food with a curious stare. “… This isn’t a joke, is it?” After all, why else would they be feeding the man with the Mokuton what was essentially processed tree sap?
“Nope. Just something quick, easy, and cheap to eat,” Nabiki replied as she stood by the counter and went to work. Oh no, she wasn’t doing this for anyone but herself. She may have been twelve years old, but Kami-sama almighty, she needed her damned coffee! Adrenaline only worked for so long when it awoke you.
Frowning a bit, the pigtailed Genin was quick to remark, “Eh, not so cheap Nabiki. I got my Kage Bunshin making some bacon and eggs too … and you know whenever I make pancakes, we get another guest…”
Yamato pauses in his use of the knife and fork. “Another guest?”
As if on cue, the front door slowly opened; standing there in his oversized pajamas and night cap, a half-asleep Naruto slowly limped over to the table and pulled out the chair before taking his seat.
As he was sleep walking, the poor blonde had yet to realize he was sitting on Anko’s lap, nor did he realize he had his head resting back between her breasts. “Mmmm… p’nca~aaakes…” he burbled sleepily, drool slowly dripping from the left corner of his mouth.
“… Kid’s brave, I’ll give him that,” Anko started, holding her fork up slightly.
“Kid is only one kunai loaded into his pouch,” Nabiki offered, gratefully sniffing the aroma of her liquid savior. Blood all over the place could certainly kill an appetite.
And with Anko as her assistant instructor, she knew she would need all the calories she could get.
“…amen…?” gurgled Naruto.
“Amen?” asked Yamato.
“No, ramen,” Ranma replied. “And no, Naruto; no ramen for breakfast.”
“Ba…ard,” the blond yawned, before looking for a fork to spear the pancakes, for they had to suffer for the indignity of no breakfast ramen.
Twitching, the woman held her own fork before him. “Here you go, Blondie.”
“Fffnnksss…” the boy mumbled as she settled back against his seat, letting out a happy burble. “Mmm… c’mfy…” he cooed in his sleepy state as shook his head, trying to work his head between the ‘cushions’.
“… And to think, Kakashi said the kid had no guts,” Anko replied in awe. “I think I may need to update the Cyclops on the boy’s status as now the single ballsiest ninja in all of Konoha; the size of boulders they are!”
That made the kid blink his eyes once, twice; the eye crusties being scattered from the rims of his eyelids by his eyelashes. He then tilted his head back, looking up at the devious feminine face looking back down on him.
“Hello meatsack!” Anko greeted with a most devious grin; each tooth practically sparkling with the slightest application of Aura of Menace and use of reflecting the light source from an open window.
Deciding to try and mitigate the one disaster he might be able to stop, Yamato reached over, plucked the frozen-stiff kid off Anko’s lap, marched over to the other side of the table, dragged a nearby chair over, and sat him between Mihoshi himself.
Anko just pouted.
“No maiming the kids, Anko,” Yamato replied with a kind smile. “We wouldn’t want blood ruining this meal.”
“Party-pooper,” Anko whined. It wasn’t like she wouldn’t help clean it up … by getting it made a mission and assigning her team to do it. They had carpentry down pretty good, but housekeeping, ninja-style, was a necessary skill too.
You never know when you might need to erase the evidence of what you needed to do.
“Uh … thanks?” Naruto managed to burble out, now becoming aware of just what he’d done.
Seeing the discomfort on the kid’s face, but knowing Yamato would deny the woman her much deserved retribution, Anko decided to go for the next … well … third best thing: humiliation! “Well, kid look at it this way! You got to first base with Auntie Anko. I doubt your Uchiha bitch ever got that far!” she spoke with a twinkle in her eyes. “Unless the stories about you claiming his first kiss are more than just rumors…”
As Naruto tried to hide underneath the table, Anko continued her barrage of taunting. “And look; now he’s trying to see between my legs! Boy is a really early bloomer; a real animal!”
“I like having Naruto for breakfast!” Mihoshi cheered with excitement. “He keeps the Scary Snake Lady busy so I can eat in peace!” Once she finished eating, she was going to offer him to have breakfast with their group EVERY DAY!
“Don’t worry, duckies; Auntie Anko hasn’t forgotten about you,” Anko chirped, before she pouted again, as Yamato pulled Naruto up from the floor.
She hadn’t even had a chance to use her panty-shot responses!
“Duckies?” Ranma asked, almost afraid of what the answer would be.
“Yes, duckies!” she cooed. “Because you will follow Auntie Anko loyally in a row or else she’ll eat you … as duckies taste so good to snakes!” she said as she licked her lips, eyeing Ranma in particular, before her gaze swerved over to Naruto. “That goes for you too, Blondie!”
“But … but I’m not one of your students!” the jinchūriki cried out, trying to save his own ass from whatever fate was to befall the people sharing his apartment building. “I’m with Kakashi-sensei on Team Seven! And besides, Sasuke’s more of a duck than I’ll ever be: look at his hair-style!”
Nodding her head, Anko replied, “True, true … but I’m sure he’d taste nasty. Believe me, I dated an Uchiha once: all of one hour. Guy barely lasted two minutes once I got what I wanted and it was CHALKY!”
“What was chal~KRUFLE!?” was Mihoshi’s muffled cry as Ranma-1 and Ranma-2 clamped their hands over her mouth before she could finish the inquiry that would have them going to see Inoichi for professional help. Until then, he would assume it was something completely innocent—like deadly poisons or some other ninja tool—and absolutely NOTHING ELSE!
He already had trauma from learning to help Mihoshi shave, he didn’t need more, thank you!
“Anyway, eat up duckies, for Auntie Anko has already visited the mission assignment office and got us a few good ones to do before lunch!”
Yamato blinked. “Don’t I need to sign off on those?”
Anko snorted. “Do you honestly think they would turn me down?”
“… We have got to get some better security around here,” the man tiredly replied, before focusing on his meal, making a mental note to make another Moku Bunshin to fetch more bacon for tomorrow.
He was a ninja; what did he need to worry about from cholesterol?
“First off, we have another grocery run!” Anko continued to chirp, before glaring at Ranma for being stingy with the bacon.
Ranma ignored her—bacon was sacred.
“Oh joy,” Nabiki drawled. “I assume it will also be ‘mysteriously’ attacked like the last ones.”
“You never know,” Anko chirped again. “Besides, consider it preparation for when you are attacked on a real mission.
“Next, we have the Rescue Tora mission.”
Nabiki just blinked. “Can’t we just say the cat is an obvious transformed ninja spy and end its suffering already?” she asked.
“Nah; they’ll just drag out another one, rinse, repeat, like they’ve done before, but will keep us from getting any better missions for a year.” Eyes narrowed, she froze all the newbie Genin in the room with her glare. “But that won’t be an issue for us, will it?” she growled.
“I’m serious,” Nabiki retorted, glaring at Ranma for being stingy with her bacon; three pieces? Really? Asshole. Next chance she got, she was throwing him under the bus … or rushing python or whatever snake summon Anko brought forth. “I’m pretty sure we can get a petition going and convince the Daimyo and the Council that Tora is actually a Kiri Nuke-Nin and is slowly spying on the Daimyo and his family in return for amnesty and reacceptance into Mist’s Ninja Corps. All the evidence IS there.”
Anko opened her mouth for a moment to retort … before snapping it closed. She raised her right hand to her chin, rubbing it idly as she considered this. “Hmmm…”
Sighing, Yamato was quick to counter, “No Anko, Nabiki was just being a wiseass. She didn’t mean anything she said … not that I blame her for it as I think everyone has hated that damned D-Rank for the past two decades.”
The real Ranma looked over his shoulder from his place at the stove and stared. “The cat has been alive THAT long!?”
Shaking his head, the former ANBU Captain replied, “No, no. We’re actually on Tora the Eighth; I think… They just keep renaming them. I believe if you go down to the Missions Offices, they have a timeline of where, when, and how all of them died.”
“My favorite is still Tora the Third: Team Hiruzen—SPACE LAUNCH!” Anko cackled as she picked up a piece of bacon to munch.
Naruto just blinked. “Wow; sounds painful.”
“Oh, it is,” Anko nodded solemnly. “But don’t worry, gaki; you’ll undergo it too—damned cat is almost like a rite of passage.”
“But … you guys are going after the cat,” Naruto stated.
“Right,” Yamato nodded. “And within a day or two, it will promptly escape, and some other team will be sent to try and capture the cat—ALIVE AND UNHARMED!” he stated loudly, focusing on Anko.
“… Would I injure the rescue target, just to enhance my team?” she asked, like she was affronted.
“YES!” came the reply of the rest of Team 9.
“… Well then, you better make sure that cat is caught and protected,” she waved off. “And after lunch, we have training today, where we hope to get you all up another technique or two after an evaluation.”
Nabiki narrowed her eyes. The last ‘evaluation’ had ended with Mihoshi adding a new lake to the training grounds, Nabiki with dirt in places she didn’t like, and both losing an outfit.
“… Wait!” Naruto yelled. Seeing everyone’s attention was on him, he stared at Anko. “We’re supposed to be learning techniques?” he asked in awe.
“You don’t count,” Anko stated, sipping her beverage. “You have Kakashi.”
“But … but Kakashi-sensei doesn’t teach us anything!” the boy blurted out. “He just attacks my butt and has us work on teamwork.”
Raising an eyebrow at the butt comment, Anko decided to inquire about that later—boy was far too stupid to know how to lie properly so that had to be truth. She then merely covered up her own curiosity by replying, “Weren’t you just saying that you weren’t one of my duckies and therefore, not privy to any of my training?”
“… Quack!” when the blond boy.
“Too late,” she waved off.
“Isn’t Ranma training you?” asked Mihoshi.
“Not lately,” Naruto grumbled. “Every day he comes home, he’s too tired to train me.”
“Yeah, trying to survive the day tends to do that,” Ranma grumbled in return.
“Well, can’t you injure this teacher like you did the last one?” Naruto asked.
Ranma just glared. “You do that to Kakashi!”
“We can’t!” Naruto whined.
“Well, you’re a ninja, do it the ninja-way,” Ranma replied flippantly.
Blinking, Naruto slowly nodded, before turning to Anko. “Can I hire Team 9 to do it?”
Anko considered that for a moment. “Depends. Can you pay for an A-Rank?”
To that, the former ANBU had to speak up once more. “Anko,” he told her with an exasperated sigh. “Two things: first, I doubt that the Hokage would accept an assassination mission on Kakashi. Secondly, even if Hokage-sama did, I doubt that your team would be the ones assigned; you said it yourself, it would be A-Ranked. We’ll just have to settle with D-Rank after D-Rank until we’re finally ready for a C-Rank.”
Ranma—the original—huffed. He then turned about from the stove and carried over a large tray filled with scrambled eggs to allow people to take what they wanted. “You know, this whole D-Rank thing seems like a waste to me. The village isn’t making the most of their resources. What if this were a time of war? Would the village continue to waste able-bodied fighters on grocery shopping and dog walking? If anything, they should skip a lot of the crap they’re teaching in the Academy—not like it’s doing everyone any good!” his eyes were suspiciously darting between Mihoshi and Naruto; neither blond noticing as they scooped mounds of scrambled eggs onto their plates.
“Point is,” the pigtailed Genin continued. “They should be handing the D-Ranks out to the students; let them get firsthand experience while in the Academy so they can REALLY get a feel for what they’re getting into. Then once they’re Genin, they can handle all C-Ranks that are overwhelming the Chūnin and leave the people with actual field experience to handle the B-Ranks and up! Not to mention, that since the D-Ranks would be done by students, the village itself would get receive the money; the mission pay going straight to their coffers or at least the kami-damned academy!”
Yamato opened his mouth to tell his pupil about protocol and tradition … yet that’s all it did, hang wide-open. The boy was obviously wise beyond his years; yeah, it was one thing for students to complain about D-Ranks but the way he had suggested why it was useless was rather intelligent and made a lot of sense. “I … I believe I may want to bring this up with the Hokage once we finish with our missions for the day.”
Nabiki merely glared sideways at Ranma. Did this idiot really think that was a good idea? And if it happened, did he just realize how much he could change the flow of things!? The baka…
Besides, she didn’t want to know quite yet what their Sensei would do to ‘enhance’ a C-Rank mission!
“Anyway, eat up my duckies!” Anko replied, clapping her hands. “We have food to get, cats suffering from traumas unknown to modern man to return to their cells, and then we get to learn new ways of surviving till your twenties!”
“What about me?” Naruto whined.
“Talk to the Hokage,” Anko snorted. “He seems to consider helping out a good thing; he was seriously interested about Nabiki here buying the building.”
Nabiki blinked. “Really?”
“Yep; congrats on that you may soon be a slumlord.”
“OOOoooooh! A Slumlord!” Mihoshi cooed in awe. “What rank of Ninja is that, Nabiki? It must be high because you’re a lord!!”
“… Just eat your eggs, Mihoshi,” the brunette with a pageboy haircut replied as she considered this. While that was a derogatory term for a landlord, it certainly fit the guy currently running the building. Generally an absentee landlord with more than one property, who maximized his profit by minimizing spending on property maintenance in deteriorating—one in this case, completely deteriorated—neighborhoods. If the Hokage would let her buy the place from the current asshole owner…
Grinning wide at the type of smile that blossomed on her student’s face, the ‘Crazy Snake Bitch of Konoha’ matched it with her own. “Heh. Looks like I’m starting to rub off on you, Duckie … so tell me, what will you do to make Naruto pay his rent? Will it be with his body?”
A piece of pancake fell from said blonde’s lips. “My body? What? I gotta run errands from her or something?” Granted, it would help him save money, which meant he could be something other than ramen … or even better, more ramen!
“… Just eat your eggs, Naruto.” Just for that, he was going to be the one to clean out the second floor apartments … and that unknown thing that may or may not have died in there. She didn’t know what it was or may have been, but she sure as hell wasn’t touching it, and neither was anyone else in the apartment … in case the smell followed.
“Ready for your lessons, Nabiki?” Yamato asked.
The brown-haired Genin merely arched an eyebrow. “Depends; did you just send a wood clone to teach Mihoshi … on the other side of the field?”
“Yes; yes, I did.”
“Then I suppose if we are outside any possible blast radius, I’m good,” she admitted, not wanting to get blown up again. “I take it Anko-Sensei is teaching Ranma.”
“… We might call it teaching,” Yamato admitted, chuckling nervously.
“What else would you call it—ignoring the mental torment or possible sexual jokes I could make here?”
“Well, Anko calls it—”
“DODGE!” Anko yelled, launching several kunai at Ranma.
“AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” Ranma screamed … before disappearing in a puff a smoke as all dozen kunai then just clattered to the ground.
That caused the woman to frown. “Damn it, Duckling! No Kage Bunshin! How am I supposed to teach you to dodge if you’re going to cheat and use Kage Bunshin!?”
“I want to liiiiiiiiiiiiiive!” Ranma wailed from a hiding place.
Realizing where he was, Mitarashi merely smiled and made a few seals with her right hand. “Well, don’t worry, there’s more to teaching dodging than just kunai!”
The Saotome youth was silent for a moment before nervously asking, “Like … what?”
Grinning, Anko replied, “Explosive Tags!” as she finished the seal set.
*BOOM*!!
Looking over to the black smoke rising into the air, Nabiki opened her mouth.
“No,” Yamato cut her off. “That is the direction of Anko and Ranma.”
*KA~BOOM*!!!
“Still not Mihoshi,” he stated with certainty.
Nabiki slowly looked to her left, where she could barely make out Mihoshi and the wood clone. Looking to her right, she saw a small column of smoke rise into the sky from a distance. “I’ll be honest here, Sensei; I’m not feeling very safe here at the moment.”
“Good,” he replied. “Consider this a lighter version of how Anko would probably teach you.
“Now, I heard you tested as an earth user.
“So, I’m going to help you learn a bit of elemental manipulation.”
“Really?” she asked with suspicion.
“With all the dangers, underground is probably the safest place at the moment,” he offered lightly.
Nabiki considered this for a moment before adding her head. “Yes … yes, underground sounds good, Yamato-sensei!”
Chuckling, the man nodded his head. “All right. But please, call me Yamato-taicho. I feel more relaxed being referred to as a captain than a teacher.”
“Yes, Yamato-taicho!” the middle Tendo daughter was quick to correct herself. “Please lead your subordinate in the ways of Earth Jutsu and get her out of the ever-growing blast radiuses of Mitarashi-sensei, Ranma and Mihoshi!”
Nodding his head, Yamato replied, “All right, Nabiki,” he told her as walls of compact dirt began to slowly raise around them. “We will work hard … although I somehow get the feeling you’ll be a quick learner.”
*BOOM!
“WAAAAAAAH!” came Mihoshi’s cry from the other side of the field. “I blew him up! I’m too nice for prison!”
“… Very, very soon,” Yamato muttered, as he formed another Moku Bunshin to go assist Mihoshi.
“So this is how it ends,” Ranma panted, hiding behind a tree, trying to regain his breath. “I always knew a psycho chick would do me in … but I always figured it would be the tomboy…”
*THUNK!* *HISS!*
Blinking, Ranma looked at the kunai imbedded in the tree above him … and the exploding tag attached to it.
As soon as his situation registered in his mind, instinct immediately kicked in. “Saotome Secret Ninja Technique! RUN AWAY!!” he screamed as he lunged himself from the tree, diving for the forest floor of the Training Ground.
He cursed as the genjutsu that had been placed dispelled with the use of explosive force behind him; the ground shimmering to reveal around two dozen Black Mambas awaiting him. “AW HELL!”
It took every bit of skill and dexterity the pigtailed martial artist-turned-Konoha Genin had to evade being bitten by the single-most deadly poisonous snakes. “No, no, no, NO!” he yelped as he used a generous application of chakra to try in his hands to reinforce the skin while he effectively began running in a hand-stand; wood and debris raining down around him in an effect that would have had Michael Bay applauding him … and then immediately steal to use as a scene in his next movie.
“DODGE!” came the yell from the trees.
Flipping off the ground, his chakra-coated hands switched to sticking to a branch, before he once again tried to regain control over his breath.
“Come on,” came a hiss from below him. “I just wanna hold you and hug you and cuddle you and name you George.”
Blinking, he looked down at the snake … the smiling snake, trying to appear completely innocent and cuddly.
Eyes narrowed, Ranma growled, before he pulled hands free, flipped around to lock his feet to the branch, and put it to his mouth. “Katon: Endan!” he yelled out, sending out a fire bullet and setting Mr. Snake aflame, causing the summons to disperse.
“Well now, who knew you had that technique under your belt,” Anko called out, seemingly from everywhere. “I wonder what else you know.”
“Oh, trust me,” Ranma snarled. “I’m tired of playing nice. You’ll find out.”
“Indeed!” Anko replied as she let her own genjutsu end, allowing Ranma to see Anko standing on the same branch he was, a kunai in each hand. “SHI-NE!!”
Yelping, the pigtailed martial artist did his best to dodge the slashes.
Sadly, in doing so, he lost his footing and fell OFF said branch. Fortunately, it still kept him from falling down to the ground with the snakes.
*THUNK*!
Sadly, it did so because the Genin fell off it with his legs coming down at either side; allowing it to come up between the appendages and smack him hard right were the sun don’t shone.
“OOOOOH!!” went the pain chorus of Snake Summons, the cold-blooded reptiles wincing in sympathy … except for one Black Mamba whom gloated, “See? That’s what you mammals get for keeping your junk OUTSIDE of your body!”
“Wow, kid; you aren’t leaving me much fun,” Anko gloated. “The way this goes is, I’m supposed to hurt you, and you are supposed to run for your life and poorly attempt to avoid it.”
Pushing himself up, Ranma worked on letting go the pain, letting go of anything … except a burning, all-consuming need to just BEAT HER DOWN!
Anko was impressed with the sudden burst of speed her special ducky used, appearing in front of her, delivering a kick in an attempt to take her head off.
She was especially impressed with the bruise she felt forming on the arms she used to block it.
“Well, well, WELL! Seems my little duckling thinks himself the terror that flaps in the night! C’mon, Ducky!” she taunted as she moved her arms, blocking strike after strike, punch after kick that the pigtailed youth tried to hit her with. “You can do better than that! I know you can! And if you don’t, Auntie Anko is going to be most upset and focus on creating a special training regimen just for you so you can go back to being her special little ducky!”
“STOP CALLING ME A DUCK ALREADY!” Ranma roared as he did a flip-kick, annoyed that the woman was once against able to block it; and worse, grabbed him by his ankles.
“Here you go, boys!” she called out as she spun in place, swinging the Genin like a medicine ball. “LUNCH!” she called out to the snakes as she released him, sending the pigtailed youth flying towards the amassed group of limbless reptiles.
“YIPPEE!” was the cheer from the various summoned snakes as they awaited their lunch to come crashing down amongst them.
“Fuck that!” Ranma screamed, cupping his hands forward. “Möko Takabisha!” he yelled, thrusting the chi attack downward to counter his fall.
The fact it destroyed the rest of the summons, releasing their joyous screams to his ears was entirely accidental … since he had wanted to save it for his demented teacher.
Whistling at the surprise before her, Anko flipped backwards to the next tree, avoiding the destruction of her former location via pigtailed head. “Nice! Always good to have some moves you can do without hand seals!” she called out, using her kunai to deflect all the ones Ranma was tossing at her.
She then tossed the ones in her hands at the pigtailed Genin, her favorite ‘Ducky’ to spar with.
Ranma immediately back flipped out of the way of the thrown kunai. “Ha! You mi—” he immediately went silent as he saw the tags tied to the ringed ends of said kunai; the kanji on them glowing as the fūinjutsu activated.
*BOOM*!
*BOOM*!
As the dual explosions sent up a pair of smoke plumes, Anko placed her hands on her hips, laughing at the misfortune of her student. “Fufufufu! No matter how skilled you are, you can’t match that of Anko Mitarashi! For now you see the difference between a Tokubetsu Jōnin and a measly Genin!”
Suddenly, the woman’s flaunting was cut short as she felt pressure tighten around her own shins. She looked down, smirking as she saw the smoldering form of Ranma hanging from her. “Well, well … tell me, Ducky, how does it feel to be roasted? Shall I add some orange sauce next time?” She frowned as he merely grinned at her, giving the woman one of her own patented ‘smug snake smiles’. “Okay, Ducky; what are you up to?”
Grinning wider to show off his pearly whites, Ranma merely replied, “Bunshin Daibakuha!”
Eyes wide, Anko pushed as much chakra as she could; performing a Kawarimi no Jutsu to avoid the eventual explosion, leaving the exploding clone holding a log.
As she appeared on a nearby branch, she turned … noticing that the clone had yet to detonate. She was partially confused, as she would have expected it not to delay, even to give her warning.
That was, until she found two hands reaching around her, groping her. “Never said that was the one,” said the smirking face of Ranma over her shoulder, before her world went white.
“Where do these things come from anyway?” the singed Saotome asked, shoving the log off the branch, as he climbed up, using the distraction and explosion to give him a needed boost.
Man, she’s putting more into it that the first instructor… he thought to himself. Then again, that guy wasn’t actively trying to kill me.
As if answering his thoughts a firm female scream filled the air. “GONNA ROAST YOU, DUCKY!!”
Ranma whipped his body about towards the source of the voice … only to yelp as he was suddenly grabbed from behind in a full nelson, the singed form of his Instructor holding on tightly and twisting.
“Think you’re tough shit, kid? You fell for a simple voice-throwing trick!” she growled as the pigtailed Genin struggled with her, trying to break her hold. “You got two minutes to tell Auntie Anko what else you know or you’re going to the Hospital with a broken neck!”
Gasping as she was putting pressure on his larynx and cutting off oxygen to his, Ranma was beginning to realize that his teacher … was one hell of a SORE LOSER!!
*POOF!*
Anko blinked at her empty hand. She knew damned well that what she had grabbed had not been a Kage Bunshin. The kid did a replacement with one … that I didn’t know about … while I was holding him!?!?
I’m beginning to think this kid isn’t some green Genin. Chuckling lightly, she looked around, beginning to get a better understanding of why Lei had fallen so badly to this group. “Not bad, gaki; not bad at all.
“But Auntie Anko is still waiting for those answers. If you’re quick enough, I promise to leave enough of your junk so you might have a family one day … since I hear they are making incredible advancements in medical jutsu for two girls to have a kid.”
She knew from his file that Saotome’s girl form was a bit of a sore spot—even with how his roommates and friends treated him. So if she could just get him to leak some killing intent to get a bead on him…
Sadly, she didn’t know much about Anything Goes. “Oh, ought to be good for you,” came Ranma’s voice … from everywhere. “I heard that people aren’t scared of you for your old teacher.
“I heard it was because you gave Kakashi VD!”
Anko’s eyes narrowed, but rather than go chasing after the little prick, she’d force him to come to her. The woman brought her index and middle fingers up by the side of her mouth, pursing her lips. She then took a deep breath before she exhaled a Katon technique. The Dragon Fire Jutsu started to mercilessly spread throughout the forested area as she just kept pumping chakra into it, turning the hiding areas into a raging inferno of womanly rage!
That would teach the Ducky. If anyone were to give anyone Venereal Disease, it would be Kakashi spreading it throughout Konoha’s Red Light District!
“A bit testy are we?” came his voice again. “Wait, testy… Is it something that rots those?
“Wow, Auntie, you should get that looked at. At least now we know why Kakashi wears a mask … and never dates.
“Oh, and teach, thanks for the fire, because that means Hiryü Shöten Ha!” came the voice, before the fire swirled around Anko, and the winds picked up.
The tornado finally started to flounder as the fire was consumed, leaving only the wind-damaged pigtailed Genin at the center of the destroyed forest area, huffing badly.
“Man, I thought the Old Ghoul was bad,” he coughed out, grabbing his throat. Hopefully, the hospital wouldn’t charge him for that to be fixed. It better have not messed up my girl form’s singing voice!
… I did not just think that! he inwardly cursed himself, looking about for his teacher. Like the Old Letch, he doubted that would be enough to finish her.
To answer his question—or rather, stoke the fear—two hands suddenly lunged forth from the earth. Grasping his ankles for a second time that session, they pulled firmly on the pigtailed Genin, sinking back into the earth and pulling him down with them, only stopping when Ranma was buried neck-feel into the ground.
He grunted, he struggled; but no matter what he did, he was stuck. Everything went solid around him, literally ROCK-SOLID! He couldn’t even wiggle his fingers let alone perform any seals!
And then she showed up. Like a demon rising from hell, the earth parted before him as the charred, blackened, musty, dirty, and stick-covered form of Anko Mitarashi rose from the earth. Worse, despite her obviously distressed state, the smile on her face was ESTATIC!
That couldn’t be good … at all.
“That,” she started with a melodic tone, “was the Doton: Shinjuu Zanshu no Jutsu. I have to admit, it’s only D-Rank but REALLY impressive when you put some Charka into this. Now of course this means I win, but congratulations are in order Ducky! Auntie Anko feels you’re adult enough to swim in the deep end of the pond!”
“… So you’ll let me go?”
Rearing her head back, the woman crossed her arms over her chest and laughed heartily. “AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA~NO!“
Turning his attention away from the woman standing victorious before him, the boy snorted. “… Was worth a shot.”
“Always is,” she purred, before kneeling down, putting her right hand on his head, forcing him to look into her eyes. “Now, you are going to answer all of Auntie’s questions, right now, since Auntie beat you.”
“… What?” Ranma growled out.
“Ducky, I won.”
*BOOM!*
Anko hopped backward, avoiding the spray of dirt and rock. Her eyes were wide. No one—aside from the Green-Beast-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named—could have broken that trap. She had no idea that for someone from Nerima, tons of rock were never an obstacle.
Finally, the dust settled enough to show her the bluish glow of her ducky, slowly looking up at her.
“One problem, teach,” he growled. “I’m Ranma Saotome, and I don’t LOSE!” he yelled, looking at her … with two red eyes, each containing one tomoe.
Anko’s response could have been many things. It could have been fear, it could have been awe, and it could have even been serious.
Instead, she went for ridicule, not one to let something like this throw her off her game. She worked with Orochimaru: she’d seen and done worse.
“… Holy shit, you really ARE a ducky!!!”
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(Posted Sun, 15 Sep 2013 23:39)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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