Accepting it from his mother, Ranma quickly looked over the classified, reading it as, “Room for Rent. Haruka-Papa won’t raise allowance and Setsuna-Mama won’t give stock tips. Water, Heat and Electricity included. Cheap!”
“Hmm... this does have promise...” the heir of the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts mumbled. It would be nice to have a set of responsible parental persons to look over him. After all, from what he heard from Hiroshi and Daisuke, not all parents were like his old man, his mother, or even Tendo-san. Some actually took medications and were able to be functional, contributing members of society!
If he knew his mother already WAS on prescription drugs, he’d be insisting to just commit seppuku now and end the pain.
“I’ll call right now, get the address, and we can go look at it before Happy Hour begins!” Nodoka cheered, reaching into her purse for her cell-phone.
Ranma blinked his eyes in surprise at his mother’s statement. He didn’t know his Mom watched kids’ TV shows. He just hoped it didn’t have anything to do with PokéMon—damned things gave him the creeps, like they were Jusenkyo rejects or something.
“Shall I have the movers refuel their vehicles, Madame?” Pierre asked. He didn’t have a clue why his Mistress had demanded a moving van full of furniture for the Young Sir’s new place, as well as a van full of supplies to redesign his pad, had to follow them around to all those places.
Fuel was expensive, you know! What more, the vehicles were family classics, meaning you’d have had better mileage if you pushed them!
To her butler’s request, Nodoka blinked her eyes once, twice. “Oh, very well...” she took out her change purse and handed him a pair of ten-thousand Yen notes. “One for each van. And make sure they get Standard Grade; they don’t need to waste it on Premium for those jalopies!”
“...Only for the Rolls Royse, huh?” Pierre asked curiously.
Nodding her head, the Heir of the Kamiya fortune replied, “Damn skippy!” She wasn’t going to just put ANY gas into the tank of her grandfather’s prized vehicle.
Of course, that hadn’t stopped her from giving it the ‘James Bond’ upgrade, great for when the Darwin Winner ahead of you felt the speed limit was not something to even approach.
Looking at the bills in his hand, Pierre looked at her once more. “Madame, they will require more than an eighth of a tank to make it anywhere. This amount will barely get them out of the fuel station.”
“...Fine!” Nodoka snorted. “They may use the fuel card... but I want receipts! And no corn chips or soda! If I smell carbonation and/or cheese on them, I shall be most upset!”
Ranma sighed. At least he wasn’t the only one not getting soda.
Watching as Pierre walked off with her piece of black and gold plastic, the Saotome Matriarch turned her attention, dialing the number listed in the advertisement. She waited after a few rings, only to be sent to voice mail.
“Hello, Sestuna speaking... AND NOT HERE! You must’ve just missed me. If you want me to get back to you, please leave your name, phone number and a brief message. If this is Haruka, no, I’m NOT bailing you out of jail for speeding again. If this is Michiru, no, I’m NOT bailing you out of another dinner with your parents again. And if this is Usagi, no, I’m NOT bailing you out of telling your mother you flunked another test: you’re on your own bitch!”
The auburn-tressed woman blinked her eyes once, twice. Huh. How very odd. This ‘Setsuna’ sounded like the woman that had been Nodoka’s Guidance Counselor in College; Miss Meioh... but that couldn’t be! That bitch had to have been over sixty by now, and this woman still sounded young enough to bare grandbabies.
Hotaru smiled as she adjusted her ‘Jr. Miss’ dress outfit, making sure everything was perfect.
Well, hopefully perfect. Luckily, Setsuna-mama never checked her answering machine—the fact she still had such a thing was scary, as it was the tape-kind. As such, she had called back the first interested person who hadn’t sounded like an old man who might do unspeakable things to her.
Which was... well... just about all of them.
The creepy laughter and a few voices that had sounded exactly like those from “To Catch a Japanese Predator” kind of added to the feeling she already felt to ignore them.
But this woman was looking for a place to get for her son, was willing to pay a large amount of cash, and swore on her family honor that her son was never considered ‘fugly’ by anyone.
Still, he would have to pass the “Hotaru Tomoe Seal of Approval”. Granted, that wasn’t much right now, considering her previous dating history—or lack thereof. Shoot, even she was considering giving Mamoru a pity fuck to finally pop her cherry if it came down to it. He really was non-threatening and she doubted anyone would believe him if he tried to tell any of the Senshi about the violet-tressed girl making him her man-bitch.
Oh, she hoped these newcomers were also dumb enough to accept the “Transaction Fee” excuse to give her some money right away. She really needed to get that money so she could afford... well... just about anything really. Kami-sama! For being adopted by a pair of rich lesbian parents and being watched after by a woman she knew for a fact to be, “richer than God”, (Setsuna’s own words, not Hotaru’s) the young purple-tressed Senshi of Saturn couldn’t get them to lend her so much as to cover a stick of bubblegum!
Even her Papa had given her an allowance, even when they were all part of the whole ‘Pharaoh 90 and Messiah of Silence’ plot!
What did that say when people possessed by an interstellar cosmic horror pay better than supposedly caring adoptive parents?
“You know, I really need to find out what happened to Papa one day,” she muttered, writing that down on her small little note booklet... that doubled for her school homework file. And it was damned cheap too. Her parents hadn’t even purchased it; Haruka-Papa had received it as a gift from some race she was in.
After all that, Hotaru had zero-guilt about emptying their ‘emergency fund’ to pay for the basement to be renovated for an apartment, or renting it out.
Thank the Kami that Juuban contractors asked no questions and completed nearly all jobs in a few hours with excellent craftsmanship. The Sensh of Silence could only suppose that with all the Youma, Cardians, Daimons, Death Busters, Dark Circus Entertainers, and Sailor Seeds... the local contractors got a shitload of practice.
And yet somehow Motoki didn’t think to burn down the Crowne Arcade Center for the insurance money. If there was anyone who Hotaru knew was hurting for money as bad as her, it was him! He could merely make it look like an electrical fire, and have his place up and running within a day, with perhaps some extra left over to get back on his feet properly!
*Ding~Dong*!
“Oh my goodness!” Hotaru gasped before rushing out of the basement to get to the door. She hoped it was the houseguest-to-bed and not Setsuna-Mama. Whenever the viridian-haired woman returned around this time of day after being gone for awhile—it had already been just over two weeks now—she usually came home either completely sloshed or so hung over she might as well have been sloshed.
Hotaru was never able to wear her favorite Hello Kitty sweater again after the Senshi of Time had thrown up all over it with such mercilessly extreme prejudice.
Pausing to look out the window—she was going to be different from every other girl her age and not let some old fart into her home to molest her—she looked at the group.
An older man in a tux, a middle-aged woman in a kimono, and...
Working quickly to remove her bra without taking off her uniform, Hotaru gave a silent ‘squee’ at her luck, and prayed the stud would be the renter, and not the creepy French-looking guy.
As soon as her bra was off, down and out through the sleeve of her blazer jacket, and hidden within the umbrella stand, Hotaru then raised said arm and grasped the door-handle with her hand. Opening the door to allow entry, the young violet-tressed woman smiled as she looked at the trio. “Hello. I am Hotaru Tomoe. I take it you’re here for the room-for-rent. I hope you will accept—”
“SO KYU~UUUUUUUUUTE!” Nodoka cooed before scooping the petite girl in her arms and interrupting the young girl’s greeting. “Oh, you're simply adorable! Ranma! You should be dating this one first!”
Both Ranma and Hotaru gasped; the former from his mother proclaiming he bed yet ANOTHER woman and the latter... because kami-damn-it, she already had problems breathing! Her lungs were being squeezed like Haruka-Papa did to Michiru-Mama's breast!
Sighing, Pierre reached for the small satchel that hung by his side. “Madame! Time for your pills again!" He spoke loud enough that he hoped he got the woman’s attention, yet soft enough that the entire neighborhood didn’t hear him. Rumors were such a ghastly thing... even if they were 100% true.
The auburn-tressed heir of the Kamiya Fortune blinked her eyes once, twice. “...Huh?" Nodoka asked.
“Come on, Mom! Let her go! Don’t you see that she’s turning pale... er?” Ranma weakly offered. True, he didn’t need more fiancées... or love interests...
In fact, he was all but certain that with his luck, the pendulum would swing, and then he’d have magic princesses after him for kidnapping plots. He was ever so glad all the magical princes who had kidnapped Akane so far—and yet the ‘tough martial artist’ could somehow never escape from—didn’t have sisters!
Anyway, it didn’t mean he wanted to see the girl dead!
It took a moment but her son’s words eventually pierced through the woman’s skull. “Who-what-where-when-why?” She blinked her eyes once, twice... and realized what she was doing. “Oh! Pardon me, young lady...” she said as she gently placed the teenager down on her feet and released her...
Only to watch as the girl then started to fall backwards.
Fortunately, being practically trained in a nearly Pavlovian way to follow the code, ‘martial artists protect the weak’, Ranma had moved with such levels of speed and precision that he caught her before the woman even touched the ground. “Hey! Sorry ‘bout that! Mom’s very excited for some reason...”
Behind him, Pierre was taking advantage of Nodoka’s inattention to jab another syringe of sedative into her neck and push the plunger firmly.
Slowly opening her eyes as oxygen returned throughout her bloodstream, it only took a few moments for Hotaru to spot her guardian angel, and sighed happily.
Ranma had no idea from her point-of-view, his head was directly under a light-bulb in the ceiling.
As Nodoka’s eyes uncrossed and her blood pressure dropped thanks to the medication currently running through her aorta, she looked down toward them, and loudly squeed.
It broke the moment before Hotaru could grab his hand checking her own neck for her pulse and redirect it to her freed girls.
She was really going to have to ask Usagi to use the Ginzuishou to give her some Double-D’s for her belated birthday gift. Girl had no money? Fine! Make with the Moon Magic already!
...
......
...What? If it could turn people back into humans after the Dark Kingdom turned them into Youma, or turn members of Nemesis’ royal family into pure regular humans, then she was sure-as-hell it could add some mammary flesh! Makoto being the largest-be-damned!!
Ranma blinked his eyes once, twice. “Uh... is everything okay... you got this rather intense look on your face.” It kind of reminded him of when his old man had to run to the toilet after eating loads and loads of wasabi.
“Just making future plans,” Hotaru muttered, as she stood back up under her own power, debating whether or not to go for E’s, just for the sheer power she’d have at school... “Anyway, as I was trying to say earlier, I am Hotaru Tomoe and I will be showing you the rental property,” she finished with a bow.
Watching the girl continued to greet them despite what happened, Nodoka nodded happily. Not only was the loli polite but also professional. That put her way ahead of many of the other prospective landlords.
And the fact that her son might pay with his own body—to a true female—for rent, only added to the points Hotaru was already winning!
Still, the Saotome Matriarch was a bit worried if the fragile-looking girl might even survive to try and give her grandbabies, but it was nothing a few ‘meetings’ couldn’t fix! She did have plans for everything!
“So... future plans, huh?” Ranma asked curiously, considering what the girl said. Hmm... come to think of it, the house DID seem very nice. He wasn’t expecting a room in a mansion. And unlike the place that liked when he spanked it, other people would be taking care of it so he didn’t have to worry about all the excess rooms... that way he could focus only on his room... and see if it would be big enough for him to work out or not.
Or maybe it was like the place that had all those guys!
“Say, Hotaru...” Ranma asked slowly and calmly, despite how excited he was feeling. “One quick question: does this place have a gym?”
Blinking her eyes once, twice, the purple-tressed woman replied, “Y-yes. Haruka-Papa buys all sorts of stuff to work out with. He’s a professional race-car driver and he needs to stay fit and trim for—”
“Race Car Driver!?” Nodoka interrupted, practically cooing in delight. “Now that is QUITE the manly-man job!” Fast cars, fast money, fast women! Oh, if this little lady came from such manly stock... even if not samurai, she’d be worthy of her son!
Hotaru nodded in response, glad she had used the needed pronouns—no telling how this woman felt about gay couples. “Haruka-Papa has a building out back, plus we have a large yard that is professionally landscaped.” Mainly because she was too weak to mow it and the others were too lazy to do it themselves. “Now, if you will follow me, I will show you the basement apartment,” she finished with a polite bow.
Nodoka nodded happily. Everything was looking great for this rental. The only way it could have been better so far is if the landlord had required one bun in her oven to rent the place as a security deposit!
Ranma followed the young lady, pleased that he had such a nice and refined girl to deal with for once. Hmm... maybe he should hang around more non-martial-artist women? Simply by studying the way she moved and her health, it was obvious she had no formal training yet was still a very kind-seeming and obviously intelligent woman.
Maybe Nabiki was right and there was an internal rule of inverse proportions between martial arts skills and intelligence?
Not that he’d admit such to her. Then he’d owe her a Coke atop of everything else!
“As you can see, despite being a basement complex, the room still offers high ceilings. And I would like to point out the floor has tatami mats everywhere, plus carpet below that. We have a separate bathroom, with a western style toilet, room for a kitchen, and even stable supports to even add additional separations between the existing partitions,” Hotaru spoke calmly, reciting the planned spiel for the locale.
She needed it to go off perfectly!
Nodoka nodded. Her manly son wouldn’t hit his head just walking about, no exposed wires, a separate entrance for him and windows large enough to escape should he need to sneak around to ‘discipline’ some unruly former boyfriends for his current bedmates, a good sized bathroom, and even an area she could spot now that would be perfect for a liquor cabinet/bar!
Hell, she wanted it! So she knew her manly man of an underage-until-this-summer son would love it!
The Saotome Matriarch was decided. “My manly son will take it and move in immediately!” Nodoka crowed with might and confidence. “It’s truly perfect for him and his needs!”
“Ruh-really?” Hotaru gasped, almost disbelieving. The nice boy would be moving in? SCORE!! “Wuh-when do you want to move his stuff in?” She needed to choose a date she knew everyone would be out of the house.
Turning to the young woman, Nodoka smiled kindly. “When I said, ‘immediately’ I mean it. My manly son’s worldly possessions are in two moving trucks outside and they can bring everything in as soon as possible!”
Hotaru’s jaw dropped. If they did this now... then... she... him... alone... until at least tomorrow evening!!
HA! TAKE THAT, INNERS! SATURN WAS GOING TO GET HER GROOVE ON FIRST!!
“I... I have stuff?” Ranma asked, sounding completely bewildered. Last he knew, everything he owned fit into a backpack he had at the Tendo Dojo.
Nodoka nodded at her son before turning to Pierre.
Said butler nodded, before getting on the radio in his hands.
Within fifteen minutes, the place was furnished, stocked with food, towels, soap, Barry White playing, and a hot-tub installed outside near the personal entrance.
Ranma just blinked, looking at himself. When had he changed into a robe? And why was he holding a glass of something that smelled of alcohol?
Nodoka squeed again; the moment would be perfect if her manly son would seal the deal with the landlord on his new western-style bed!
Looking over to the now blushing petite non-martial artist, the raven-haired teen was stumped for the moment. “Um... uh...” Ranma mumbled for a bit before finally deciding to ask, “So... how much every month?”
“......Wuh?” Hotaru finally asked, having realized she’d zoned out. She didn’t think he was wearing anything underneath that bathrobe.
He wasn’t, which was what was making Ranma so nervous. As a non-martial-artist, he didn’t know how to deal with her if she demanded him or glomped him. “You know... rent?”
The girl blinked her violet eyes once, twice. “Oh!” she squeaked, realizing what he wanted—and stopping herself from stating it was him, in her bed, at her beck and call. Pulling out her notepad, she recalled the lessons she had learned on the internet—aside from browsing porn—and wrote down an amount she was sure was too high, but could negotiate down from.
Nodoka quickly took the paper, looked at it, and nodded her head in agreement. “Deal!”
As one could guess, Nodoka Saotome hadn’t been the one to amass the fortune of her family.
Hotaru blinked her eyes once, twice, thrice. “Really!? You don’t want to negotiate or—”
“It’s FINE!” Nodoka insisted, cooing happily. “You two just... well... you two go and enjoy the new hot-tub we had installed like good landlords and tenants should!”
“...Is this how business goes in the real world?” Ranma asked curiously, still disbelieving everything that was going down around him without his say or input.
Pierre started to open his mouth, “Well young Sir—”
“ABSOLUTELY!” both Nodoka and the young Senshi of Saturn in civilian-guise cried out with surprising synchrony.
“Well...okay," Ranma replied, before scratching his head. “Um, what do people wear into a hot tub?” he asked his mother.
“NOTHING!” was heard loud enough to startle the movers and builders trying to leave the place.
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(Posted Thu, 26 Jul 2012 23:52)
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