Bent over, Britanny Elin’Gia Diggers hand firmly gripped the stone floor. So close... they’d been so close to getting home... but no, even with their efforts to make their way through the planar barrier, forcing shifting existing around them... they’d only managed to get her daughter home. The backlash sent her and the Gaoblin High Priestess tumbling across the expanse of existence and into who knew where! All she knew was that it was dark and cold...
“I... I’m sorry...” Crescens practically chocked. “I’ll... I’ll find a different path,” she promised the werecheetah. “I mean, there must be another way!” Then, she whispered, “There must be...”
Surprising both woman, a considerably cultured-sounding British voice spoke up from further towards the end of the tunnel. “Oh, I can think of a way out of here...”
Slowly raising her head, Britanny spotted the source of the voice in the dim hallway. She pushed a bit of ether into her vents to gain better lighting.
She almost wished she didn’t when she saw what was before her.
Hey! You try only having the Gaoblins to ogle for the last several years, and see how picky you are when it comes to some prime beef before you, even the red and goat-legged kind. “And you are?” she asked, even as Crescens prepared to defend her.
“I’m Horny.”
“…I’m married, but thanks for asking.”
The tall being twitched with annoyance. “No, little pussycat... not THAT ‘horny’. I am Horniculus, Horned Reaper! The biggest and most destructive of all Minions of the Underworld!” He stretched his arms off, showing off his powerful physique. “All other weak and squishy beings tremble in my presence!”
The werecheetah stared at the rather sizable demon. “Okay then... Mr. Reaper...” she said slowly, her ether vents still controlling a flow of magic as both to illuminate the darkness that surrounded them as well as prepare to cast a spell should tall, red and spikey decide that violence was a suitable way of getting to know people. “Just where did we end up?”
The demon smirked, showing very sharp and yellowed teeth. “I don’t know how you managed it, but you, ladies have been lucky enough to come crashing down into my prison, deep within the lands of Skybrid Trill!”
Britanny just blinked her eyes at that. Damn it, her parents were right: she hadn’t been paying attention when they tried to teach her about the other species out there that could walk, talk, eat, and may do all three with you. “And how close is that to Earth Realm?”
“...Earth Realm?” asked Horny.
“...Jade?” Britanny offered.
The demon shook his head. “Never heard of it?”
“...Jersey Shore?”
“Oh, you don’t want to go there! Even I wouldn’t go there, more of an image thing, and the thugs all scream in a high-pitched, whiny voice and their females are—”
“Okay, I get it!” Britanny muttered.
As the huge red entity ranted on about this ‘Jersey Shore’ place, it was the Gaoblin who’d caught onto what he said when he’d greeted them. Crescens narrowed her eyes, positioning herself between the large demon and the woman she’d devoted her life to. “Excuse me, demon...” she said with a hiss. “But what do you mean by this place being your ‘prison’?”
His tirade cut short, the demonic entity snorted with annoyance. “Yes, when I say prison, I meant prison. You see armless one, long ago, I was the favored servant of a most powerful and dreaded Keeper. With me commanding his forces, we conquered vast expanses of the Underworld and from there, brought legions of evil and terror to lands of goodness that lay above our heads... unfortunately, a number of rival Dungeon Keepers combined their forces, destroying his him and his Dungeon Heart, his armies, and claiming everything that he’d owned before his untimely and rather excruciating demise.”
“And somehow, despite their thorough destruction of your past employer, they decided to spare you?” Crescens inquired.
The Horned Reaper narrowed his eyes, causing them to give off a deep yellow glow. “Spare nothing! I proved too much for them to handle, so they chose to simple seal me away in this dark gods forsaken pit rather than deal with me further. I’ve been trapped down here for five-hundred years now with nothing to do but reminisce about the good times of slaying, gutting, spilling blood....... and whistling show-tunes.”
“Show-tunes?” Britanny asked.
“I may be a blood-thirsty, barely mentally-stable Horned Reaper, capable of ripping armies to bloody shreds, depending on how bored I am leading to the time it takes, but I’ll have you know I am very cultured.” To prove his point, he reached down, grabbing a leg bone, and held it out towards the women, his pinky extended. “See?”
Looking back and forth between the Reaper and the femur, the werecheetah finally settled her gaze on the big spikey beast. “...I notice that bone is the only other thing around here.”
“...What part of, ‘barely mentally-stable’ did you not get?” he asked firmly. “I’ve been by myself for over five-hundred years, so to stay sane, I kept this bone and named him Wilson.”
He then crushed the bone.
As the two females stared at him in horror, he shrugged.
“Meh, he was an ass... besides! I have to newbs to play with now!” he stated with a dark cackle.
“Lady Gia!” Crescens shouted, both her Void Claws flaring to life in preparation to start mauling the monster should he make a move.
Britanny snarled, her ether vents flaring brightly as she held up a ball of magical might between her hands. “Just try it, buddy! I have had a REALLY fucking bad day today and if you want to volunteer to help me vent then try it, JUST try it!” Her eyes narrowed. “In fact, I dare you! I double-dog dare you, mother-fucker!”
Needless to say, the attitudes and show of power caught Horny’s immediate attention. “...Interesting...” he whispered, a chuckle reverberating in his throat. “So you’re magic-users, are you? Good... very good...”
“Good?” the werecheetah spat. “What’s SO damned good? That you’re out-numbered and out-powered?”
NOW Horny started laughing. “Out-numbered? Yes. Out-powered? Never!” He was grinning most deviously as he relaxed his right arm, lowering his scythe. “It just means you might have what it takes to get us OUT of this wretched pit! Follow me!” He turned his back on the women, laughing heartily.
As the tall muscular being walked away from them on his thick cloven feet, the spotted blonde werecat turned her attention towards her teacher in magic and friend. “Think we should trust him?”
“Trust him? Never,” the Gaoblin said firmly. “But I do think that perhaps it wouldn’t be a bad idea to follow him. What else are we going to do?” She thumbed over her shoulder with one of her Void Claws. “The hallway ends in a wall down that way; he’s heading towards what is obviously the only other path available to us right now.”
The werecheetah frowned. “So... our choices are we either we stay here, or follow the insane half-hunk, half pot-roast?”
“It would seem so, Mistress,” Crescens offered. “We do not know what lies on the other side of these walls; let alone what enchantments may be on them. Judging by the physique of this... ‘Horned Reaper’, surely even he would have tried to dig his own way out of here in the alleged five’hundred years he was imprisoned here.” A look of curiousness flashed over the Gaoblin’s features. “Although I find it curious that he has a way out that would require us, but not available to himself...”
Britanny nodded her head in agreement. Oh, how she wished she had some responsible help, help that had been in similar situations.
In her hand, a book shook.
...Nah, she’d solve it the way she always did: rushing in, damned the consequences! After all, it always worked for Captain Kirk!
Well, except that whole no wife, dead child, and killed in a sappy future Star Trek movie...
But the next guy to play him actually had a six-pack, so karma worked out in the end!
Her course of action decided, the werecheetah realized there was no time like the present to follow through with her choices. So bringing her courage to the forefront, the werecheetah started walking confidently the way that the Mr. Big-and-Tall went, a sashay to her hips. After the day... hell, after the past six years she’d been living, it took a lot to make her fear anything anymore. And with Crescens and even the Magical Tome with an imprint of her grandfather’s soul by her sides, she could face this without so much as a twitch.
Finally, the two ladies came to the other end of the hall with a pair of double doors. Crescens, ever the loyal guardian to Britanny, brought forth her ethereal hands to push the doors open. What greeted them was indeed the Horned Reaper, but beside him there was what looked like a huge, dusky black crystal the size of an adult person positioned on an altar.
“Okay, just WHAT the heck is that?” Britanny shouted as she pointed to the chunk of rock that just might be able to pay off one of her credit cards when they got home.
Grinning that wide, sharp-toothed smile of his, the muscular horned demon replied, “That, ladies is our way out. It is a Dungeon Heart, the core to any Dungeon Keeper’s power and authority. When those fools decided to seal me away down here, they were just smart enough to realize they had to take special measures to ensure that I could never escape on my own. Thusly a new Dungeon Heart was created to enhance the strength of these walls, then it and I were exiled from any of the countless tunnels and caverns that make up the Underworld by hundreds of thousands of yards of solid stone and earth with no possible way for me to dig my way out.”
“And you can’t use it yourself?” asked Britanny.
Horny nodded. “Indeed.”
“So... besides a tool to reinforce the ways, they really had no other reason to put it here than just to mess with your mind some more,” the werecheetah continued. “I mean, they could have just left you here, but they added this as an extra kick to the balls, or what?”
The Gaoblin High Priestess stepped forward. “Excuse me,” Crescens spoke. “But is she correct? Does this include no other security systems to it, power no other means of keeping you here than to merely stabilize this place?”
“Ye~eeep!” the Horned Reaper responded.
Crossing her arms over her breasts, the werecheetah inquired, “Doesn’t that sound somewhat like a contrived plot device?”
Horny just shrugged. “I’m just betting none of them remembered it was here,” he stated. “I don’t really see any sane Keeper leaving this unclaimed, let alone for hundreds of years. Best guess, they either forgot it was here, an idiot imp left it here, or the Keeper in charge of making this prison was stupid and/or insane.”
“So... we’re just going to take advantage of that plot failure?” Britanny asked.
Clapping his hands together, the Reaper grinned wide. “Oh, maliciously!” Horny chirruped.
“Well... I’M GAME!” Britanny shouted. Not like they had any better choices right now. “So what do you want me to do with it?”
“Very simple,” the Horned Reaper glanced over to the inactive Dungeon Heart. “All you need to do is claim the Heart as your own. Then you would be master of this little piece of the underworld and can create some imps to dig us out!”
Unconvinced, the tall armless Gaoblin glared at the demon. “Do we have any other choice?” Crescens inquired, not wanting Lady Gia to endanger herself. This still felt like a trap to her.
“No, not really,” Horny honestly replied. “If you do not, you ladies will die. If not because of me killing you both—which I most gleefully will—it will be from thirst as there’s currently no water down here, let alone food. Oh sure, it might be fun to watch one of you kill the other and cannibalize the body but that will only serve to amuse me for, what, two weeks at best? Oh no, I would much rather one of you ladies become a Dungeon Keeper, binding me to your service as you fight the forces of good and justice.”
The book shook again.
“Fine!” Britanny yelled, letting it go, as the image of Jon snapped into being. “Now what is it? And it better not be to kill him and snack on him. He looks too tough to be tasty.”
Horny merely raised an eyebrow. Rare was it to meet a being that didn’t piss itself in fear within his presence. He actually got a mushroom to do that once—true story. And he didn’t even know mushrooms could do that!
But to have one to not only be fearless about him, but joke of consuming him...
He was really beginning to like this girl.
“And another thing!” Horny heard, as he started to pay attention to the ghost. “What about cross-magical contamination! What happens if it is opposed somehow to your own talismans! You might cause a chain reaction that would not only destroy you, but rip this world asunder!”
That perked Horny up considerably. Truly, this was a win-win for him! Either he got free, had a meal and show for a few weeks, or blew up the world!
His whore of a mother would be so proud... if she wasn’t dead and buried... somewhere... Ah, memories... “Well, sounds to me like everything is in perfectly fine order!” Horniculus replied as he stepped over towards the feline woman. “Just let this lovely cat-lady take her place as a Dungeon Keeper and we’ll be on our way! I’m sure she’ll be perfectly fine and be the best example of pure, unbridled darkness and twisted evil that ever existed!”
Tilting her head towards the Horned Reaper, Britanny huffed. “You know, accepting that thing doesn’t mean I’m gonna go on a villainous rampage or anything.”
Now the Horned Reaper grinned a smile that was pure delight. “Oh my dear kitty, you don’t have a choice.” As Crescens brought her Void Claws to full bare once more, the explained, “The goodly people of the lands above are VERY xenophobic. If you’re not of light-skinned flesh and quite humanoid, they’ll be up in arms to impale you on a stake, burn you on a stake, put a stake through your heart, hang your, or some other delightful fun activity to take the kids to see for an afternoon.” He looked both women over. “And needless to say, neither you nor your friend could pass for a simple human. So even if you DID make it to the service, you would be besieged by the “forces of good” out to snuff you out for merely existing, let alone casting a shadow on the ground.”
Those with any memories of Earth just stared at him, wide-eyed. “You can’t be serious!?” Jon barked.
Now, Horny was no politician, nor was he anything like The Mentor. He simply called it like he saw it.
Granted, he saw life through blood-soaked glasses, but still, he simply spat out facts. He didn’t spin them, didn’t mislead, didn’t omit, didn’t lie. He was honest.
Bad for a politician, great for a slayer of all before him.
So, as such, he gave them the honest and unabridged truth. In his opinion, that always riled up people the best!
So, it was half-an-hour later that he finished, looked at the group, and waited for a reaction.
Jon was the first to speak. “...There’s a village or something around here named, ‘Stepford’, isn’t there?”
Horny nodded. “Several, everything from a few capitals to a po-dunk village where everything is relative, literally.”
“GODS DAMN IT!” Jon yelled.
“Hey, I wasn’t kidding, they’re THAT xenophobic,” Horny snorted. “If it wasn’t for the fact that you’re a book, I’d say you’d be the only one they’d allow to even get close to ANY topside settlements!”
“Well, I think that’s settled...” Britanny grumbled irritably. “We have choices. Either stay down here and die, dig our way out by hand and either die trying or die when we reach the surface and are attacked, or simply claim this damned Dungeon Heart, become a Dungeon Keeper, and use newfound power and knowledge to find my own path home.”
Shrugging his shoulders, Horny replied, “Pretty much.”
Britanny sighed. “Anything I should know about the job? As in, what could happen should I become a Dungeon Keeper?”
“Not much,” Horny replied. “You’ll have power, innate knowledge, control over all you survey, the magic to shift the world around you, the alchemical power to turn gold into objects—be they rooms or traps, and the fact that whereas before the peoples above could skin you alive, you’ll be immortal until you say otherwise. Nope, there will be no more regular dying for you. You’ll be locked into the state of life as you are now, free from the sands of time and the rigors of old age, only finally ceasing to exist when either an enemy destroys your Dungeon Heart or you choose to severe the connection yourself...”
Britanny blinked her eyes once, twice. She looked down at her breasts and quietly asked, “No sagging?”
Shaking his head, the Reaper replied, “No sagging.”
“MYNE!” Britanny yelled, tackling the Dungeon Heart which amazingly—thanks to how it was stabilized—didn’t fall over and shatter from the sheer force of impact.
As she continued to hug onto the large artifact, the werecheetah frowned. “...Not feeling the immortality here!” she called back.
Horny sighed, palming his forehead, reminding himself that he did need them alive, no matter how stupid they were. “It doesn’t work that way.”
Deciding to save her Mistress from further embarrassment, Crescens decided to try and help. “And how would my Mistress go about bonding with this gaudy mystical object?”
Turning towards the armless woman with a huge vent in the middle of her forehead, Horny told her, “Well, first off, it requires some blood.”
“...From like, a cut... right?” Britanny asked nervously. If it needed virgin blood, she was so damned screwed.
“Yes, from a cut works,” Horny replied. “However, it takes not only blood from the Keeper to-be but a surge of powerful magics as well to activate and bind a Heart. The intended Dungeon Keeper must put their hand over the small hole in the stone cover at the base of the Dungeon Heart and focus both there... and I am guessing with those small flickering holes in the cat’s shoulders and tail, that you have magic available so go on and claim it already!”
The werecheetah nodded in response and did as told, bringing her finger to her mouth and using her canine tooth to puncture the tip. Then placing her now bloodied finger over the small hole at base of the heart, she looked towards the Reaper, who nodded. Pressing her finger into the hole, she hissed as she could feel something sucking at her blood, feeling it run from herself and... into the Dungeon Heart, making small red light start to pulse from within.
“I better not find a video of this on YouTube,” she muttered, as she witnessed the Dungeon Heart grow in power.
It was then that a powerful thought hit Britanny. Wait! I’m a were, I just injured myself... will my wound heal?
She had little time for any other deeper thoughts, as the Heart flashed to life... and she knew darkness.
Not because she was dead, but because she had been thrown against a nearby wall.
She should have listened to Jon, there was some feedback... just not the usual kind.
“LADY GIA!” she could hear Crescens shout... but... the werecheetah didn’t care. Oh no, these sensations... it was unlike anything she’d ever felt before. She was used to being connected to power, her lycanthrope abilities, using magic... but what she felt now was way beyond those! This was like pure, unadulterated power of a star going nova and being pumped directly into her veins. While it was different than the ether she normally channeled, it was similar; rawer, more powerful! It would take time to learn to use this, to make it her own, but when the werecheetah did, she’d be more powerful than any mage! No! More powerful than any Dragon!
“Lady Gia?” Crescens repeated as crimson light and the sound of the beating of the Dungeon Heart began to fill the room; the werecheetah slowly standing, her ether vents pumping pure blood red light rather than shimmering crystal blue. Her hand was already healed, and in fact, the werecheetah appeared better than ever! She felt more confident, more powerful, more... dangerous.
Horny couldn’t help but whistle. “Now THAT is a Dungeon Keeper!”
Crescens directed a glare at him for a moment before returning focus back to her floating Mistress. Red aura was still pumping through those Vents, starting to surround Britanny like a cocoon of power. Energy in its rawest and untamed form flashed about, almost as if the werecheetah had been electrically charged.
The outfit soon became damaged, tearing, blackening, and it wasn’t for a few seconds that Crescens realized it was not being damaged by the energy, but changed.
Finally, Britanny arched her back, releasing loud roar that would have shamed the strongest Platinum Dragon, a roar that shook the very cavern they were in.
“I HAVE... THE POWER!” Britanny yelled, her voice amplified by the dark mystical might she was being fed.
“...Sweet fucking black abyss...” Horniculus whispered, looking on the newly-minted Dungeon Keeper. “And here I was worried she’d just be some pretty kitty; some wizard’s experiment. Oh no, she’s definitely got the right stuff for this.”
Turning her attention to once more glare at the Horned Reaper, Crescens hissed, “What happened to her!?”
“Power,” Horny replied simply. “Power,” he repeated as he shifted about to meet the Gaoblin’s gaze, a wide smirk on his face. “I mean, didn’t she just proclaim that with a mighty bestial roar that would have gotten me harder than steel if I were anatomically correct?”
Coming back down to the ground, Britanny huffed, as if she had just run around the entire world. Oh, she felt she could easily break the sound barrier, thrash all her enemies, and ride Muffin till he was just a smiling skeleton!
Standing tall, she took a deep breath, before looking down. She didn’t care about the state of her outfit, but something more important...
Hefting her chest, Britanny smirked. “Ye~eeesssss,” she purred, not unlike a certain Predacon version of Megaton. “Everything is going according to plan.”
“Lady Gia...” Crescens hesitantly called out to the woman whom she’d pledged her life to. “Are... are you all right?”
Smiling wide, the werecheetah was quick to reply. “Never better!”
“...Lady Gia...” the Gaoblin High Priestess started cautiously. “One more question?”
“SURE!” Britanny chirruped.
“Correct me if I’m wrong but... were you always that...” the woman lifted her ethereal hands to make an hourglass motion. “Big?”
“I AM NOW!”
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(Posted Tue, 27 Nov 2012 18:40)
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