"Ungh."
"Waking up?" asked an unfamiliar voice.
"What hit me? I was just..." Naruto blinked his eyes open and looked slowly around.
He was in a wagon of some kind. An old guy was sitting across from him. Two nearly-identical kids were on the other side but closer to the end of the wagon.
The air hitting him was dry, hot as blazes, and smelled of dust and dirt. "WHAT THE HELL?!"
The old man chuckled. "I think you got a little aether-sick. It happens. Just let it all settle down."
"Where the-" Naruto glanced down. "AGGHHHHH!"
The old man blinked as the woman opposite him groped herself. First her breasts, then her hands dived into her pants. "Kids nowadays."
"WHAT THE HELL?!" demanded the girl. "Why am I a GIRL?! Oh hell! The statue!"
"If this is a case of aether-sickness, it's the strangest one I've ever seen," noted the old man aloud.
"Oh, this is just great," grumbled the woman, brushing her hair back. "Just frakking great."
"There a problem back there?" asked the wagon's driver.
"Just a bit of aether-sickness, I think," said the old man.
"Well, try and hold it down, you're upsetting the chocobo," said the driver.
The old man looked back and was surprised when he didn't see the girl sitting on the bench any longer. He spotted her a moment later, having exited the wagon and standing in the middle of the road.
Worse, she was screaming something about a god taking her manhood?
"That is one seriously screwed up adventurer," noted the old man.
Under normal circumstances, the merchant would have given his name and talked a bit with the adventurer. They would have proceeded on to Ul'dah, the city sometimes called the "Desert Jewel" - mainly by the Ul'dah Tourism Board.
As the merchant had simply watched the girl scream at the sky as the wagon had continued onward, the conversation never took place and the merchant had dismissed the girl as being way too crazy to try and chat with.
"GRAR!"
Said girl abruptly realized that something was charging her that seemed mostly composed of teeth and claws.
"Shadow Clone No Jutsu!" tried Naruto.
The beast reached her just as she was realizing nothing had happened.
"-just lying in the road."
"Wha?" startled awake Naruto, looking wildly about.
"Don't worry, fair maiden, I have rescued you and brought you to my tent," said a young man. "For I am Hakmed the Generous!"
"Not a fair maiden," grumped Naruto, checking her torn clothing. Were those blood stains?!
"You were savaged by one of the local beasts, but fortunately I had a Hi-Potion," said Hakmed the Generous. "Might I know your name, young lady?"
Naruto eyed the young man, one of those guys with the cat ears and tail, and tried to figure out what was going on. "Naruto Uzumaki of the Village Hidden In The Leaves."
"Is that near Gridania?" asked Hakmed.
"Not so much," said Naruto. "Look, Hackmud-"
"'Hakmed'," corrected Hakmed.
"-ain't from around here. Not a young lady. Not a fair maiden. Not in need of rescuing."
"You were unconscious, in the road, bleeding, and your equipment scattered about," protested Hakmed. "I, Hakmed the Pious, could not let such a fair flower lie untended in such distress."
"Not a fair flower either."
Hakmed looked the girl up and down. "Your hair is the color of marigolds in fresh bloom. Your eyes the clear summer sky. Your skin is pale and not particularly ready for the harsh sun hereabouts, but also adds to your pale beauty."
"That sounded rehearsed," noted Naruto.
"It's been a couple of hours since I found you, thought that up while I was waiting," admitted Hakmed.
"None of which matters," said Naruto.
"It's part of my life-path," said Hakmed. "I try to help people where I can. Finding you was an indication that my life-path is correct because you were sorely in need of help."
"Got any water?" asked Naruto, deciding talking to this guy was a waste of time.
"Yes," said Hakmed, handing over a jug. "Try not to drink too much at one time. It'll make you sick. Sips only."
Naruto glared at the teenager before taking a deep swig. And immediately started coughing.
"Told you," noted Hakmed.
Naruto glared as soon as she was able. "You were staring at my boobs."
"You have some rather large ones there," noted Hakmed. "Can't help but notice those when you get them bouncing every time you start coughing."
"Bounce?" asked Naruto, looking down her front and then trying to bounce them.
"Could you not do that?" asked Hakmed. "Otherwise I'll have to drop Hakmed the Pious from the list of possible titles."
Naruto practically growled, and not in a pleasant or amused manner.
"We can find you something better to wear," suggested Hakmed.
"That's a start I suppose," said Naruto.
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(Posted Fri, 27 Sep 2013 02:38)
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