The girls of the Bishojo House, Hinata Prefecture, were about to slaughter er, severely maim er, punish their new landlord, before he could properly introduce himself, when they were interupted by a loud noise.
CHOMP! "Mmm... Num, Num, Numn!"
"Usagi, this isn't time to feed your stomach!" Rei groused as she took aim at the pervert with her broom.
"Uhm, that wasn't me," Usagi exclaimed and looked around for the source of the sound. Someone was eating without her, how rude! Humph! When she found out who ... "Eeek! It's a monster."
The girls rushed over to the side of the roof for a better view. Indeed, it was a monster. It's enormous bulk was covered in blue fur and it was shoveling what looked like the remains of a car into its gaping mouth. Then its goggle eyes lighted on a street vendor's wagon and it trampled towards it with a most aweful battlecry.
"COOKIE!"
"PAUFUF!!!" exploded a smokescreen around the wagon. The girls stared in pure disbelief.
"Did it just..." "...turn that wagon..." "...into a pile of biscuits?"
"Uhm, yeah," Ranma said. "And it's eating them." The girls turned on him. "Uhm... Hi there?"
"We'll deal with you latter," Makoto said. "Right now we've got to go ..."
"Hide!" Ami interupted. "There's a monster running round and we've got to hide now."
"Right!" Makoto laughed as the other's dragged her off. "We're just a bunch of silly girls. We've got to... Look! It's an obvious distraction!"
The girls ran away.
"Weird!" Ranma said as he pulled off his glasses. Ah, well, he had more important things to worry about than a bunch of scardy cc-c-ca- girls. Like... "Where the hell are my clothes!?"
"Stop right there!" Sailor Mercury cried. "Stay where you are!"
"Numn numn numn!" the biscuit monster ignored her while chewing on a wagon wheel made out of wagon wheel biscuits.
"Street vendors sell lots of yummy foods!" Sailor Moon cried, "but eating them out of their livelyhood is a crime. I am Sailor Moon, and in the name of the moon, I will punish you for eating that yatti!"
"Numn, Numn, Numn," the monster ignored her and reached for the last piece of transformed wagon. "Numn Numn Numn... Cookie? No more cookie!"
Then Sailor Moon did the worst thing possible. "Hey, tall blue and hairy! Don't ignore me while I'm making a speach!"
She had attracted the hungry monster's attention. "C-cookie? COOKIE!"
"PAFUF!" exploded Sailor Moon.
"Sailor Moon!?" cried Mars. "Oh no, she's been turned into a gingerbread...."
"Cookie!" agreed the monster as it trampled towards the sailor-scout cookie. "Gimme gimme more cookie!" Saliva and crumbs flew from its wide open mouth as its reached transformed senshi. Its hairy mits reached for the girl but it realled back in pain from an unexpected boot to the head. "Cookie?"
"No more cookies for you!" a bishonen figure told the prone monster. The several senshi started to coo and ah over the appearance of a new hero - except for Moon who just stood there like a piece of confectionary.
"Cookie!" the monster disagreed and roared. "Gimme more cookie!!!"
"Keep it away from Sailor Moon!" Sailor Mercury cried.
Ranma shrugged, as it was as good a plan as he could come up with, and started treating the blue mass like a punching bag at ultra high speeds. The blows tumbled it head over heels away from the deliciously frosted Moon.
"Now!" cried Mercury. "Everybody hit it with all you've got!"
"Right!" Mars snapped out in sudden determination. "For turning our leader into pastry, you're going to bake! Mars fire snipper."
"Cookie?" the monster asked with dull curiosity. It sniffed and turn its head in puzzlement. "Cookie!" it panicked and started to pat down it's burning fur.
"Oak leaf evolution!" evoked Sailor Jupiter.
"Venus Creasent Beam!" sceamed Sailor Venus.
"Saturn Glaive Surprise!"
"Aqua Illusion!"
"Moko Takabisha!!" Ranma added to the mass of attacks.
"Cookie...?" the monster wailed as it started to disipate. "Nooo... cooookieeee...."
"So long to bad music," Sailor Venus farewelled. "Now, what about Sailor Moon?"
"Waaa!!!" wailed the former cookie. "That was soo scary!"
"That's amazing, Mercury!" Mars concradulated. "How did you know she would turn back when turned that monster into cookie dust?"
"Uhm... lucky guess?" Mercury murmered. "Er, hey! What about that mysterious fighter?"
"Oh, yes!" the senshi turned as one to the important issue. "Thank you mister,... what? Where did he go?"
"Where did who go?" Sailor Moon asked. "Has anyone got anything to eat? I could really go for a cookie right about. ... What?"
"Who was that masked man?" Minako wondered as they made their way back to the Bishojo House.
"Uhm, he wasn't masked, Mina-chan," Makoto observed.
"Did you get a good look at him?" Rei asked.
"No," Makoto sighed. "He was moving too fast for me to see his face, but I can tell you this..."
"Let me guess, he looked like your old sempai?" Rei guessed.
"Uhm, well yes," Makoto agreed. "He was soo dreamy. I hope we see him again."
"It's you!" Ami cried as she pointed at Ranma as he emerged from the changing room. "What are you still doing here, you pervert?"
"Ah heh!" Ranma laughed. "Well you see, about that. I'm the new landlord of this hotel."
"You expect us to believe that?" Rei demanded. "Bishojo House hasn't been a hotel for years. This is a women's dormitory!"
"Wha-?" Ranma demanded incredulously. "When did... we'll that figures."
"For peeping on girls in the bath," Ami pronounced, "mollesting inoscent women in the changing rooms ..."
"I feel so violated," Makoto agreed with a blush.
"... for stealing innocent a young girl's panties and flashing her..."
"You could have scarred poor Hotaru for life!" Rei growled angrily.
"Uhm, no, I'm okay," the youngest protested. "It was so small so I really didn't see anything."
"..." Ranma frowned.
"... ahem!" Mercury paused to glare at the interupters. "For being a general pervert, we will now punish..."
"Wait!" Ranma slapped his head, nearly dislodging his glasses. "I know what you are now. It's so obvious!"
"What!?" the senshi drew back. "Oh, no he knows that we're Sailor Senshi..."
"...Fangirls!" Ranma completed. "You're totally obsessed by those cheerleaders."
"Fangirls?" "Cheerleaders?"
"Oh, let's just get the beating over with," Rei suggested. This was greeted with a round of mass approvation. Said beating commenced.
"What's going on here?" Michuri asked as she entered with her lover. "And why are there cookie crumbs all over the frount yard. Has Usagi been pigging out again?"
"Aunt Haruka!" Ranma gasped as he appeared out of the dustup and clung to her front.
"Is there something I should know about?" Michuri wondered in a tight voice.
"Hmmm...?" Haruka fummed warningly, then something clicked. "Oh, wait. You're my nephew, Ranma, aren't you? You don't look like Nodoka's description at all."
"Well, yes," Ranma agreed sheepishly, remembering that he was disguised as a mild mannered ronin. "Anyway, Aunt Haruka, you've got to tell them who I am."
"Oh, right," Haruka agreed. "I got the fax last week and I totally forgot. Girls, this is my newphew, Ranma. He's going to be the new landlord."
"What!?" "No way!" "That pervert!?"
"That's right," Haruka agreed obliviously. "What's more, according to my sister, Nodoka, he's ...."
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(Posted Tue, 11 Feb 2003 10:28)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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