[Episode 47553] [Episode 47553]Five minutes ago, the owner had stepped over to ask the squid-faced eight-armed creature from another world what was going on.
Four and a half minutes ago, the Being had produced a five pound bar of "Element 79" and paid to reserve a table.
Three minutes ago, the ramen had started being sent over to the table.
"Ahhhh," said the tentacled being from beyond the stars. "Every variety a pleasure. Every bowl a new masterpiece filled with subtle nuances and flavorings!"
"Glad you like it," said a grinning Shiro. He always had liked tentacled Horrors From Beyond, at least the ones that tipped well and really appreciated ramen.
"Indeed, ah, it looks like my guests are here." Another bar was produced. "Give them whatever they want."
The Sailor Senshi stepped into the restaurant with looks of serious concern but there was absolutely no evidence of possessed restaraunteurs, ambushes from energy draining creatures, or femme fatale Dark Kingdom Generals plotting evil deeds.
"Uhm, pork ramen," ordered Sailor Moon hesitantly.
"Miso ramen," suggested Venus timidly.
"Beef ramen," said Jupiter after the aromas started her stomach growling.
"Egg ramen," ordered Mercury, not even looking up from her computer display.
"Mmmmmph!" Sailor Uranus said, but as she was tied up and stuffed in a closet, nobody paid much attention to her.
Neptune, who had done the tying and stuffing, something about some pictures she'd found of Haruka and some Middle School girl and the current need for diplomacy, hesitated but ordered a ramen with everything and a beer. (The chances of getting a French wine at a ramen shop being so small as to register only a faint hint of disappointment.)
"Ahhhhh, you won't be disappointed," said the green plushy form of the Enemy. "Shiro's staff is well trained, their selection of ingredients clever and of high quality, and their culinary skills unsurpassed. I give them four stars!"
"Which ones?" Pluto asked, suspiciously.
"Let's see. How about Alpha Centauri A and B and C? It's a trinary system you know. Plus Algol. A nice restaurant orbitting a pulsar, it'll be the talk of this galactic arm." The Thing From Beyond continued to eat while talking, revealing that he had more than one mouth as he politely used a different one to address the Senshi.
"It's safe to eat," said Mercury after scanning the arriving bowls.
"They make their own noodles and ingredients here you know," said the Being with a four-eyed wink. "Not like some shops that use reprocessed noodles and broth."
Behind the counter, Shiro beamed with pride and wondered if he should get pictures. Even alien tentacle creatures recognized his dedication to the culinary arts!
"Ah, right," said Venus, wondering why more evil invaders couldn't be this polite. Yum!
"Now, if I may, this is where I should tell you of my horrendous plot to conquer the planet, bringing it into a new era of peace and prosperity, with a nice chain of restaurants paving the way." The Being dabbed at its feeding tentacles with a napkin. "Naturally you'll oppose me, leading to a series of battles wherein my eldritch powers contest against your own powers. How does once a week on a Saturday night, around 8pm sound?"
"I think I've got that time open," said Venus as she checked her dateless day planner.
Pluto groaned. The evil menace seriously wanted to schedule confrontations? "I suppose you want to set up rules of battle?"
"Of course," said the completely serious Being. "I did some research after arriving in this solar system! I know how these things are done now."
Neptune tried to avoid asking but finally couldn't restrain herself. "Such as?"
"You have teams contest in an organized manner with a large number of specific event rules that are decided upon by a commission that regulates such things." The Being actually paused in his delicacy eating to regard them. "The numbers on the shirts are identifiers of the individual minions."
Pluto nearly fell off her chair as she realized that this Being had somehow gotten professional sports mixed up with the waging of battles.
"It seems to me that by wagering off sections of the Earth, and then resolving our disputes in this manner, it is actually less destructive of resources to undergo this process." The plushy green being pointed at their ramens. "You've stopped eating. It's a shame to let it cool."
"Why do you want to conquer the world anyway?" Sailor Moon finally asked.
"Have you read the newspapers? Watched your television? Toured the world?" Kachoo asked.
"Well, no," admitted Sailor Moon.
Aping the human custom, Kachoo stood and addressed the proprietor. "Shiro-san? We'll be right back."
"Back?" asked Sailor Moon just before they all vanished.
Flash A muddy slum somewhere with starving children, their bellies bloated on the stick figures.
Flash The scene of a suicide bombing in Israel.
Flash A crack house with jaded drug addicts in Chicago.
Flash A brothel of empty-eyed and diseased prostitutes in Bangkok.
Flash A political refugee workcamp in North Korea, where finding a rat to supplement the diet was cause for silent thanks as it was ate raw.
Flash A governmental "re-education" center in China, where the scent of old blood hung thick in the air.
Flash A scene of indiscriminate slaughter that had once been a home.
Flash Police taking bribes to look the other way in the Phillipines.
Flash A deal to kill hundreds for profit being made in France as the businessmen sipped at chilled wine.
Flash African tribesmen gunning down other African tribesmen for reasons that were not clear at all to outsiders.
"ENOUGH!" Sailor Moon cried out in anguish.
The table suddenly had a full range of occupants again.
"For some reason I'm not hungry anymore," said Jupiter.
"Your species has considerable promise, the seeds of greatness," said the Great Kachoo. "I have an eight-lobed brain and can clearly see it. I also see that you are having trouble getting there on your own. Therefore I conquer your planet and forge the human race into an unstoppable force that will unite the galaxy (if not the universe) into a vast empire. So are Saturdays good?"
The Sailor Senshi looked at each other and decided that:
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(Posted Sat, 31 May 2003 16:02)
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