Ranma nodded.
"And he has trapped his ankle so he can't climb up?"
Ranma nodded again, wondering why Kodachi was insisting on repeating every detail. She had explained the situation pretty clearly, after all.
Kodachi firmed her expression and stood from where she had been kneeling by the pond, idly stroking her crocodile's head. "You were wise to bring this information to me. I shall rescue my wayward elder sibling. Lead me to the well, pigtailed girl!" she commanded imperiously.
Ranma refrained from commenting that Kodachi should bloody well know where to find the well in her own garden - after all, the Kuno grounds were pretty extensive, so it wasn't too unreasonable that Kodachi didn't know where everything was.
Before long, they arrived at the well, and Ranma leaned over the edge to shout down "Hey, Kuno! I've brought Kodachi, she says she'll help you!"
"What?! Pigtailed girl, no! I beseech thee, send my foul sister away! I will not accept aid from one such as her! No doubt this is all some dark plot by her to do away with me! I cannot allow it!" Kuno's angry voice floated up, sounding rather breathless.
"Ohohohoho!" Kodachi laughed gaily. "You sound paranoid, brother dear! Why on earth would you think such horrid things about your devoted sister?" Not giving Kuno time to answer, Kodachi flicked her ribbon so it extended straight up before snaking down and falling right into the well.
"Waugh! I am under a most base attack! Release me this instant, Kodachi!"
"I have him now!" Kodachi grinned in a most sinister fashion as she flicked her wrist slightly.
"Ow! It hurts! Let go, horrid woman! The Blue Thunder commands it!"
"Nonsense, brother dear, I shall have you released from your confinment in but a moment!" Kodachi merrily called down the well.
There were brief sounds of a struggle coming from down the well before Kodachi's ribbon came flying up, looking a bit shorter and bearing a ragged cut on the tip.
"Guess he still has his bokken," Ranma observed, "I'm surprised he has room to swing it down there, though..."
Examining the ruined ribbon, Kodachi stomped her foot angrily. "Of all the ungratefulness! You see if I ever help you again, brother dearest!"
"Help of that nature is not help at all!" Kuno yelled up, still managing to sound sage and pompous despite the obvious stress he was under.
Kodachi growled angrily before producing a bouquet of black roses from... somewhere on her person... and tossing the flowers into the well. "Have a token of my sisterly love, then!" she screamed furiously.
There was a hiss of escaping gas before Kuno's arrogant voice floated up from the well, "Hah! As you well know, sinister sister of mine, repeated exposure to your poisons has rendered me immune! I laugh at your pathetic attempts to harm my august personage!" Kuno's mocking laughter then issued forth from the well for all of five seconds before cutting off in a strangled yell of unadulterated terror.
Ranma and Kodachi both looked at each other curiously. "It was only paralysis gas..." the taller girl murmered.
"Dear God! The walls are moving! Stay back, back foul presence of the nether hells! Lest you face the fully unleashed fury of the most munificent Blue Thunder! Yagh! Not my armpit!" Kuno trailed off his ravings and issued a single scream which lasted nearly forty seconds.
As the scream ended, both Kodachi and Ranma traded slightly fearful looks as the silence stretched. Not quite sure how to ask what was on her mind, Ranma decided to just blurt it out, as was her usual manner. "Uh... do you have any... sealed demons in that well?"
Before Kodachi could respond with a scathing negatory, a high pitched giggling came up from the well. "Oh wow... I can see sound! The words are beautiful..." Kuno's rambling voice said, sounding rather intoxicated.
Kodachi looked thoughtful for a second before she slapped a fist in her open palm. "I see!" she exclaimed triumphantly "The low oxygen content combined with my rather... esoteric... brand of paralysis agent and various other subterranean gases have produced an hallucninogenic effect in my sadly addled brother!"
"So... what do we do about it?" Ranma asked.
"Why it's my good friend sir Reginald Percival the third! You know, sir Reginald, despite being a filthy gaijin, you are a rather cultured fellow, and if I do say so, most pleasant company! Why thank you, I would love some tea! What? Milk in tea? What lunacy is this! Back foul demon, I see through your tricks! Die!" Kuno's ranting degraded into incoherent yelling and scuffling noises as he presumably attacked whatever had upset him so.
Kodachi gave Ranma a searching look. "If you can promise to never speak of this, I can have the well sealed up within an hour. I can even leave a small hole to drop food in for the remainder of my brother's days." She adopted a starry, far away look as she continued, "It'll be just like in the stories I read as a little girl; where the noble and respected samurai family hides a deep dark secret, as their eldest son was born horribly disfigured and insane! Unable to bear killing the freak of nature, they raise him in the cellar, feeding him on table scraps until one day he escapes and embarks on an orgy of violence and destruction against the cruel world that spawned and rejected him!"
Ranma backed away nervously. If Kodachi had read those kind of books when she was a kid, it explained a lot. "We can't do that!" Ranma protested half-heartedly.
Kodachi frowned. "Very well, then you must deal with the situation yourself. I must be off to severely maim the Kolkhoz High rhythmic gymnastics team. Farewell brother!" she called before bounding over the boundary wall of the Kuno estate, laughing maniacally.
Ranma blew up her bangs in exasparation as she looked at the well. Kuno was now ranting on about how he could defeat any hideous subterranean troglodyte foolish enough to test his wrath.
"What the hell am I gonna do now?"
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(Posted Mon, 18 Aug 2003 20:23)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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