Ami blushed with such force she nearly fell over.
"Kyahhhh," said an envious Minako.
"It's always the quiet ones," griped Makoto.
"...save her from lesbian domination at the hands of her teammates," continued the reporter.
"Kyahhhh," repeated Minako, with a slightly different emotion.
Makoto merely glared at Haruka.
"One little statement. Just one little statement," griped Haruka, "taken out of context and repeated endlessly."
"...vocally disputed and made fun of by some feminist organizations as 'little boys who can't handle the truth'. On the further end of the spectrum are those who call these Sailor Senshi whores, harlots, evil temptresses, and far worse. Far from being a few religious extremists, it is the popular held idea in such lands as Iran and Libya that as soon as the Senshi win they should be either eliminated or simply educated in proper behavior until they comply."
"Can we lose those countries on purpose?" asked Haruka.
"...the truth? Who are these representitives for Earth? Are they really space aliens and the whole thing a massive fraud by the alien Kachoo? Are they as they claim - warriors of lesbian love who hope to conquer the Earth and kill off the male gender?"
"I NEVER SAID THAT!" protested Haruka at Minako's and Makoto's glares.
"and what of their token male, this 'Tuxedo Comeon'?"
"That's KAMEN," griped Mamoru.
"...as some have suggested an ineffectual eunuch, occupying the place of fetchit boy and pseudo-male slave to his powerhungry mistresses," said the announcer.
"This is 'Fair and Balanced'?" Mamoru asked.
"Wrong network. This is CNN-Japan," pointed out Ami. "This is the one that touted that 'Yellow Cab Book' awhile back. There's never been a claim of impartiality or necessarily being fact-oriented."
"...or is he a sinister mastermind, who is making up for his physical impotence by assisting with these girls?"
"Mamo-chan is NOT impotent!" protested Usagi.
"Ehhhhhhh?" Most of the Senshi leaned towards Usagi, cupping one ear as a request for more details.
"uh oh," said Usagi, covering her mouth much too late.
"...could be he's just gay," said someone being interviewed. "I mean, look at him. How could he not be gay?"
"Good grief, how much metal has that guy got piercing his body?" Minako asked with a grimace.
"I don't want to even think about it," said Makoto.
"Mamo-chan is NOT gay!" Usagi insisted.
"Hmmmmm?" Most of the Senshi repeated their earlier nonverbal cue for more details.
"I think I'll just be quiet over here," said Usagi quietly.
"It's obvious," said another interviewee, this one looking fairly respectable. "The Senshi are actually representations of the mass subconscious and the female stereotypical personality subsets turned into horrible monsters by the current trends in mass culture. There's little doubt that this is caused by imbalanced diet and both these Senshi and these aliens are merely mass delusions. Even the cheerleader costumes they wear are symbolic of the need to return to Mother Ocean as well as the elemental nature of the underlying reality that pits man against woman in Western culture."
"Huh?" said Ami, uncharacteristically. "That made no sense whatsoever."
"Oh good, I thought it was just me," said Minako.
"...they're too stupid to be for real..."
"Which country was that from? I want to lose them too," commented Haruka.
"We've got to get the word out on us for real!" suggested Minako. "All they're doing is replaying sound bites and coming up with bizarre interpretations."
"We leave Haruka behind?" Makoto suggested.
"HEY!" Haruka protested.
"Subtle seems the best approach," said Michiru, "and since one of us has a popular following already..."
Everyone began looking speculatively at Ami.
Cho nodded. "Alien presence confirmed. As Kachoo indicated, it is quite likely that gravitational flux from his craft's drive system is what prompted their investigation."
Governor Kemp nodded. "Extraterrestrials showing up on Earth has become a lot more common of late. How many aliens have we got now anyway?"
"In the Australian region, we have the Jedi, Gaav, and Navour. In the Germanic region, there are Vailan, Simvi, and Temm," responded Cho.
"Gaav are those gray-skinned little fellows from the heavy gravity worlds, right? No relation to anything in 'Slayers'? And the Navour are the dolphin-people working on the Great Barrier Reef?"
"That is so," agreed Cho.
The Governor looked over the holographic displays that hung in the air like some neat special effect and marveled at how a few short weeks and he was used to such things. Well, mostly. "Put up displays on the German alien work program. Oh man. Those suckers are uglier than a tentacle alien."
"The Temm are insectile in appearance, the Vailan most resemble an Earth species known as the spiny anteater, and the Simvi are adapted to a unique environment."
"They won't win any appearance contests, that's for sure," said the Governor. "Their circulatory system is outside the skin?"
"No, they merely have a transparent skin," pointed out Cho. "As you can see they have four hearts and three stomachs."
"I can't tell which is which," admitted the Governor. "What about illegal aliens?"
"None are likely at this point, after widespread extraterrestrial trade it will be expected." Cho brought up several displays. "We do have a request which just arrived, asking for you and/or the other Governors to suggest an Investigator-Researcher."
"What for? Oh, Kachoo's found something in North America and he wants a human to interpret or point out the repercussions that he might miss. Roswell? Area 51? The Vault? Makes me wonder if the Ark of the Covenant is really in Washington DC."
"Unable to determine from the message," dutifully reported Cho.
"Good 'nuff, let's see - who can I appoint to such a post?"
"The Contra-Senshi have stated a reluctance to throw any more fights," said the computer softly.
"To be expected eventually," admitted Kachoo. "Well, the contest this time might be sufficient that they will be expected to fight full out."
"Sailor Mercury specified that this week's battle would be a game of blackjack. A game played with a 52 card deck that involves pairing cards to come up with a specified numeric value. In this case, the number 21."
Kachoo reached out with one of his eight main limbs to tap on a folder. "True, to be sporting, it would be best if someone without precognition play. Thebe was the player in their 'Battleship' game, so the next one chosen at random would be... Ganymede. This could be interesting. I wonder who the Senshi will put up against her?"
"According to their reply, they have chosen Sailor Jupiter."
"Ahhh. They are betting that 'unlucky at love, lucky at cards'? I must admit I do not understand something of these Senshi, perhaps I should ask Doctor Mizuno about it."
"Selecting channel. Contact made."
Kachoo wiggled a tentacle. "Oh dear. I meant that as a speculation, not a command. Well, Doctor, while I'm on the line with you - there is something that puzzles me that I determined on researching these Senshi."
The hologram of Doctor Mizuno nodded. "I suspect more than one thing, but go ahead."
"They are considered physically attractive female members of your species, am I not correct?"
"Aghhh! I, that is, well... you're not... are you?!" The Doctor spluttered.
"Another example of my not understanding your species," said the puzzled alien. "On accessing records on them, I was able to determine that all but three of them lack mates. This would normally be of little note but three of them have repeatedly stated their desire to find a compatible mate of the opposite gender."
"I really don't think that you... they..." the Doctor continued to fidget.
"How curious," said the alien. "My question is - why if they are considered physically and psychologically attractive within your species that they would be unable to procure mates?"
"You're not? No, of course not." The Doctor gave a nervous laugh about something. "Well, uhm. Which ones expressed this desire to find a mate?"
"Your daughter and her friends Makoto and Minako," said Kachoo. "I took the liberty of hacking their computer prior to contacting Sailor Moon while this was still in the planning sessions. Of course, now that we have entered this agreement it wouldn't be fair for me to continue in such practices."
"I... see..." said the Doctor. "I'd have to review the files. Can you download me a copy?"
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(Posted Sat, 20 Sep 2003 13:43)
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