Kunou Tatewaki had a knack for popping unexpectedly out of nowhere.com, and today was one of those times when that knack manifested. "FOUL CREATURE!" bellowed the unstable swordsman (or pointy-stickman, since he only had his usual bokken on hand at the moment), "You dare murder the magnificent Tendou Akane whilst I still draw breath?! Have at thee!" With that, the Great Rising Star of the High-School Kendo world, the 'Shooting Star' of Furinkan High (or was that the 'Green Fart' of Furinkan High? I can never remember) charged the Death creature that had put a scythe through his beloved Akane.
"No!" Kasumi wailed. "Another bystander is about to be killed! Ranma, you must save him!"
"The hell I am!" replied Ranma, "Do you have any IDEA how much shit that guy put me 'n' Akane through?!"
"But Kunou-san's about to get killed!" wailed Kasumi.
"And this is bad how?" asked Ranma in all seriousness.
Only Nabiki could come up with a half-convincing argument: "He's rich and I haven't drained him of all of his money yet." Needless to say, Ranma was less than impressed.
"Have at thee!" bellowed Kunou, thrusting his wooden sword at the spectre of death that had appeared in the Tendou home and took his dear Akane. He struck out with his pointed stick. Then again. Then again. Then again. Each time he tagged the spectre, but not doing much damage to it.
The Death-Thing, however, had somehow managed a look of 'Is this guy for real?' on its bony face. Really, a pointed stick against him? It casually twirled its scythe before taking its own swipe at Tatewaki. It appeared to miss.
"BAH! Death is no match for the great Kunou Tatewaki! BWAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!" Kunou erupted into triumphant laughter.
*POP* *plop*
"Er, Kunou..." Ranma began. "You're arm's off."
Kunou ignored the fact that he should be feeling a great amount of pain from having his arm severed, and dismissed Ranma's concerns. "Ha! 'Tis but a scratch! You'll not fool me with your baseless lies, you foul sorcerer!" boasted the one-armed swordsman.
"Hey, man! It's no lie!" Ranma pointed out, albeit uselessly, "All you got left is that bloody stump!"
"Hah! I've had worse!"
"Kunou-chan's more delusional than usual. Kodachi must've cooked breakfast for him," remarked Nabiki.
"Does anyone else have this weird feeling of 'I've been through this shit somewhere before'?" commented Ranma.
Well, since you, Dear Reader, likely HAVE seen this before, let's cut right to the chase, shall we?
Kunou was left 'standing' on what remained of his thighs, examining how he no longer seemed to have any extremities to move or manipulate. He then looked up at the death creature. "What say we call it a draw?" asked the now-limbless Kunou.
The Death-thing looked down at its victim for a minute, as if considering bringing this crazy to the next world. It bigsweated, then vanished.
"Oh! OH! The Great Kunou understands now! The foul spectre of Death is running away! Can there be any doubt now that I am the warrior of legend and without peer, unlike the cur Saotome?!" sneered the quadruple amputee. "Return, cowardly creature! Return so that I, Kunou Tatewaki, can bite your legs off with mine pearly whites!" roared Kunou, impotent as he was with all his limbs reduced to bloody stumps.
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(Posted Wed, 14 Jan 2004 17:07)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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