Darth Vader nonchalantly entered the bridge of his Star Destroyer, Avenger, causing everyone on the bridge to look his way as he approached the group. His heavy, sometimes frightening, breathing caught most of the attention as he stopped a few feet before everyone.
General Grievous, Boba and Jango Fett, Ryoko Subaru, Kai Hiwatari, Daffy Duck, Chameleon, Cell, Zoro, Kurumi, Nataku; each of them had been summoned by Vader for an as yet unknown reason. Whatever it was, if Vader had called this meeting, it had to be serious. They each had prior encounters with the Jedi, the Fetts most of all since they were seemingly his favorite bounty hunters to call upon.
Finally, Vader spoke. As he did, however, he slowly paced in front of the group. “I have called you all here because I am in need of your services, your skills. Some of you my already know this, but… it would seems as of late our associate and friend Takeru ‘TK’ Takaishi has gotten himself into… quite a girl problem.”
Ryoko let out a loud chuckle. “Is that all? Here I thought it was serious.”
Vader paused in mid-step, turning to face Ryoko. “Trust me on this one; this girl problem is like Ranma ½, only multiplied by 50. There are girls out there now who want to either marry him, force him to mate with them, or kill him so they don’t have to do the former.” He then resumed his walking.
“Yet there is one among these femme fatales who wishes to court TK properly, and she contacted me for help in finding our friend and keeping him safe. Though I gladly accepted this task, it appears even one lone Jedi would be outmatched by these girls.”
“Which is why you called us,” Cell finished for Vader.
“Elementary, my dear Cell. You and Chameleon are on decoy duty while the rest of us find and get TK to safety. However, I should warn you there will be heavy opposition as the girls will also resort to hiring others to get at TK. You are to use any means necessary, but avoid killing at all costs. We don’t need any wrongful death lawsuits by the time this is all over.
“And most importantly…” He turned and pointed at Boba Fett. “No…” Then he pointed at Jango. “…Disintegrations.”
“As you wish.”
“Killjoy.”
Vader then approached a control panel and punched a few buttons. This caused a holo-image of the Earth with a blinking yellow light coming form Japan. “This shows TK’s current position. According to an inside source, he was last seen traveling with the Blue Halo team. Find them, and you find TK.”
It was then that Grievous spoke up. “Anakin, if I may… suppose Tex from the Blues is hired by the girls?”
Vader raised a hand and was about to say something, but then he put his hand to the mouth plate of his helmet. “You have a good point there. In light of this, she is the only exception. Take her out fast and hard should that happen.”
While the group showed signs of agreement with this, Daffy shook his head in protest. “Sorry, folks, but if Tex is involved, I’m out. I’d sooner kiss and make up with Elmer Fudd than go up against that trigger-happy dame. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll be going now.”
But Daffy had not gone more than ten feet when Vader calmly spoke again. “Okay, Daffy. Then you won’t get a share of the big reward I was going to split with all of you. Though I understand; twelve million dollars just isn’t worth it.”
“T-t-t-t-t-twelve MILLION?!”
“After taxes.”
Daffy rushed back to the group, sporting glasses with bushy eyebrows and moustache plus a cigar, a la Groucho Marx. “You just said the secret woid.”
Works every time. “And I never said we’d be going at this individually. After all, The Fetts are a team; who am I to split them up and mess with their tactics? You’ll all be divided into groups.”
Grievous put an arm around Daffy. “The Duck and I have teamed up before, and I can watch his back.”
Kurumi latched onto Nataku’s arm. “I’m with Nataku, ‘nuff said.”
Kai and Ryoko said nothing; they simply took each other by the hand.
“Very well. Then the last groups will be myself and Chameleon, and Zoro will be with Cell. Now before we get going, allow me to show you the list.” Having said that, Vader punched up a sliding photo gallery of numerous girls, showing whom the group would be up against.
Zoro did a double take at one of the photos. “Kari’s involved?! But I thought she and TK were just friends, like brother and sister.”
“According to TK, yes, but as for Kari… well… let’s just say her brother’s lucky he’s spoken for.”
Kai shook his head in disgust at the mental image of Tai and Kari in bed together. “Thanks a LOT for that info, Darth!”
Just then, an alarm sounded throughout the ship. The photos disappeared as the holo-image of Earth was brought back. The main difference, though, was that Japan had been enlarged to show a section of Tokyo where TK’s signal was surrounded by numerous red signals, all of them closing in on his and fast.
“Son of sufferin’ succotash,” Daffy exclaimed, “Looks like they found him!”
“Am-scray,” shouted Zoro before he took off for the hangar. Everyone else quickly followed him, trying to get there first. Once there, they boarded their respectful ships of choice: Slave I, an ARC-170 Starfighter, a Jedi Starfighter, and Eagle I (The Winnebago from Spaceballs). Each ship took off and headed straight for Japan.
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(Posted Wed, 20 Apr 2005 19:48)
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