For once, they would actually be right in this case. For Ranma was following a tenant of Anything Goes.
“Rule Number Twenty-Eight,” one could hear in a voice-over of Genma Saotome. “To give your student the will to train, make their life a living hell. You’ll be surprised by how well they improve, thanks to the burning desire of wanting to kick your ass.”
And indeed, Theo had chased Ranma over a good one hundred and forty or so miles all the way to Durpan from the Arbron’s Spine Mountain Range, all for the sake of hopefully tearing the pigtailed bastard’s eyes out, and shoving them up his ass so he could personally see what it’s like to get his ass kicked first-hand!
However, even then the human body had its limits. And so, having made it to Durpan in just under two hours, Theo AND Ranma looked like they were about to pass out. Theo more so than Ranma, of course. So, while Theo collapsed to his knees, Ranma was just breathing heavily.
“So this is Durpan, Theo?” Ranma asked. He frowned a Theo didn’t answer him right away. “Hey,” Ranma said as he prodded Theo’s side with his foot. “Hey,” prod with the foot, “Hey,” prod with the foot, “Hey,” prod with the foot, “Hey,” prod with the foot, and so on, and so forth...
“Let me die...” Theo groaned.
Ranma tsked at Theo’s actions and decided to give Theo a small break. They had made it to the city in what was probably record time. Letting Theo catch his breath wouldn’t be so bad, would it?
Well, it was when a certain pigtailed martial artist/aura mage-in-training had the attention span of a hyperactive five-year-old.
“Hey,” Ranma said as he prodded Theo’s side with his foot again after getting bored of waiting of all of a whole whopping five seconds. “Hey,” prod with the foot, “Hey,” prod with the foot, “Hey,” prod with the foot, “Hey,” prod with the foot, I’m sure the dear reader is getting the idea.
“Nnn...” Theo groaned weakly as he looked up. “I hate you.”
“Hmm,” Ranma started. He smiled lightly. “Well, at least it seems your memory’s intact. So what’s this city about anyway.”
Not bothering to look up, Theo managed to grumble out the response, “Durpan is the largest trade city in the world, there’s constant teleportation spells being cast and huge teleportation gates to larger cities in Jade,” Theo stopped to catch his breath. “It also holds the main building of the Conclave of Mages.”
“Really?” Ranma asked. “See, our luck’s picking up already!”
“What?” Theo grumbled.
“Yeah!” Ranma said excitedly. “Out of all the mages here, we’ll probably find SOMEONE to teach us how to use aura magic!”
It was silent for a long moment. “Unless master, er, old man Gneiss already had us blacklisted from learning magic,” Theo mumbled a retort. Crap and a half, how was he going to explain this to his old man? That is if he even lived long enough to get into contact with the old coot again!
Shrugging his shoulders, Ranma answered, “We’ll deal with that obstacle once we get to it.” Clapping his hands together in anticipation, Ranma asked, “So how about we go and find a tavern to get something to eat, huh?”
Lifting his head up, Theo look pointedly at Ranma. “And with what money?”
Blinking his eyes, Ranma asked, “Don’t you have anything?”
“All I have is five gold coins that my father gave me,” Theo grumbled. “And that’ll last us a week at most. Face the truth Ranma, we’re fucked.”
“Not necessarily,” Ranma said. “Maybe we could try to look around. Is there anything like a ‘want ads’ or something?”
“Well...” Theo started, taking a moment to think, he continued, “There’s probably a town bulletin board around. We might find something there.” Theo frowned. “Of course, knowing our luck, there’ll only be bounties placed for certain people.”
“Well, that might not be so bad,” Ranma said, which caused Theo to sweat-drop.
(------)
At the town bulletin board, Theo frowned. Yup. It had been just as he feared it would be. No one was hiring for anything and all that was up were bounties on some dangerous criminals or bands of thieves that had been seen in the area.
And even then, Theo didn’t know what was worse. The fact that there was nothing safe to work with, or that Ranma was seriously looking the wanted posters over!!!
“Hmm...” Ranma mumbled as he stroked his chin. “Hey, Theo,” Ranma began, “What about this one for ten thousand gold?”
Theo walked over to see which one Ranma was looking at. “Ranma... What are you smoking? We can’t go after King, the Warrior Banshee of the North! She’d make out heads explode with her voice alone!”
“You’re right Theo,’ Ranma said. Theo let out a sigh of relief until he heard Ranma add, “They should be offering at least twice as much for THAT hassle,” Ranma nodded sagely. “Growing a head back HURTS!”
Theo sweat-dropped, but didn’t disagree with Ranma on that. Theo mentally considered that maybe getting a career change to a street beggar wouldn’t be so bad.
Looking about the board for something with big numbers, Ranma’s eyes widened, “Oh, WOW! One hundred and twenty THOUSAND gold! We gotta go after this one, Theo!”
Gulping, Theo nervously looked at the wanted poster Ranma pointed at and saw an artist’s rendering of a golden dragon. His eyes widened and he looked about ready to faint, piss his pants, or both. “F-F-F-F-Fauntleroy!? You want US to go after FAUNTLEROY!?”
Ranma shook his head, “Nah. We got to catch his wives too, so we can get double the bounty. See?”
Blinking, Theo stared at the parchment. Yep. Two hundred and forty thousand gold pieces, for Fauntleroy and all fifty of his wives. “Ranma, you’re insane! There’s no way we could do this!”
“Oh?” Ranma asked. “What’s so big and bad about him?”
“Ranma!” Theo all but shrieked. “Fauntleroy is the Questing Dragon! Practically everyone’s heard of him! He’s toppled ten kingdoms and burnt countless villages to the ground! He’d char us into smoked treats and eat us whole, if he didn’t tear us apart and share him with his wives, who are all of DRAGON BLOOD!!!”
Rolling his eyes, Ranma mentally wished Theo wouldn’t be so goddamn bitchy. He looked over the posters, and looked for something, anything that could see ‘easy’ so Theo wouldn’t complain, and offered at least a good amount of money.
After about a good five minutes, Ranma came across something that looked easy enough. “Hey, Theo, what about this one? It’s a fifteen thousand gold piece reward!”
Gulping, Theo nervously looked at the wanted poster. “Hmm? Boomer, Butch, and Bernie, the Tumblin’ Tough Boys?”
“Yeah!” Ranma asked. “You heard of them?”
“Not much,” Theo said. “They’re mostly three jerks who get off of intimidation, and work with the slave-trade, and are notorious lechers,” Theo looked at the wanted poster. “And if we bring all three in, we could get another three thousand gold.”
“So I take it you’re interested,” Ranma asked.
“I would be, but they usually have a group of thugs,” Theo answered. “How could we get past their guards and get to the three bosses?”
Schooling his features, Ranma asked Theo, “They’re lechers right?”
“Yeah,” Theo answered.
“And you’ve got five gold to spend, right?” Ranma asked.
“Yeah,” Theo answered, “But I don’t know what you mean by-”
“Follow me!” Was all Ranma said as he grabbed the poster with one hand, Theo’s wrist with the other, and dragged them off.
(------)
Theo looked down at himself. He was in a long trench coat and a fedora with a long feather hat. “I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Theo grumbled.
“Ah, quit whining,” Ranma-chan grumbled. “At least you’re not posing as a prostitute.”
“No, but I’m posing as a pimp!” Theo whined. “That’s not much better!”
“Well, can you think of any other way to get close to those jerks?” Ranma-chan asked. As Theo shook his head, Ranma said, “Then quit complaining and follow me!”
Theo sighed as he followed Ranma out of Durpan, as to find the Tumblin’ Tough Boys. “Oh God, I hope dad doesn’t find out about this...”
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(Posted Fri, 23 Jan 2004 22:12)
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