"Um, hello, Ukyo."
"'Ukyo?' What ever happened to 'Ucchan'? Aren't we still friends Ranchan?"
Ranma winced. The figure looked like Ukyo, sans perhaps the bandoleer of spatulas and the larger spatula she usually kept strapped to her back. The figure even had the same look with its mixture of friendship and love the Ukyo he'd know usually wore when she looked at him.
The problem was the voice was entirely too deep pitched to be Ukyo's.
The figure continued, "Nabiki mentioned you were having problems with all the girls after you and something about a wish, right? So they figured it might be best to send me up. How are you doing, Ranchan?"
"Could be better," Ranma mumbled under his breath. Perfect. Just perfect. Now Ukyo was the guy he'd mistaken her for before the wish. Only problem was it seemed he was still just as much in love with him as Ukyo had been before.
This so did not solve his problems with Ukyo.
Louder, he responded. "I'm fine, Ucchan. Things are just a little weird for me right now." That was putting it mildly.
Ukyo frowned a bit when he didn't volunteer more information. "Well, alright. I brought you some of mom's cooking. So you stay here and rest up. Don't worry 'bout 'Biki; I go spar with her, 'kay?"
Ranma nodded, trying very hard not to think about what else that damn wished screwed up.
Ukyo stood and glared at Genma. "Come on, old man. Dinner's waiting downstairs."
Genma nodded and rushed downstairs. Ukyo followed, lingering at the door to make sure Ranma was okay before closing it behind him.
"What the heck was that all about?" Ranma whispered to himself.
"Going on what Nabiki informed us, I'd have to say you don't remember your father adopting Ukyo when you were children, right?"
Ranma turned to see Cologne standing in the window. She looked exactly like he remembered her, but he wasn't sure he could trust that just yet. "Pops adopted Ukyo?"
Cologne nodded, hopping over toward where Ranma sat. "That is my understanding of it, Ranma." She glanced at him for a moment. "I take it you remember differently."
"Ucchan was a girl. Pops engaged us and then ran off with her dowry."
Cologne shook her head. "I had assumed as much. Nabiki mentioned that you had wished away all your girl troubles. It wouldn't make sense for you not to remember Ukyo as he is unless he had once been one of your 'girl problems'."
"So, what're you doing here?" He stopped himself from calling her an old ghoul. He had no idea what was going on with Cologne, and her fighting skills made her someone he respected, even if he didn't want to marry her great-granddaughter.
"At the moment, I am here to check on my favorite pupil and help you get things sorted out." That she was also here to evaluate him went unsaid but understood by both parties. As strange as this reality was to him, it made him a stranger to everyone here as well. "In the long term, I'm here to make sure you don't take advantage of my great-granddaughter's obsequiousness."
"I wouldn't do something like that old ghoul." He didn't understand the word 'obsequiousness' but he was pretty sure he'd caught the gist of it. "I wish I could figure out a way to get her ta stop worshipping me, and all, but I just found out about it."
Cologne chuckled. "Good. Then we are still in agreement, at least."
"So what happened anyway. Nabiki mentioned I saved her life, and all, but..."
"That Ryoga boy had caught up to you and your father in China, sometime after your visit to Jusenkyo. You were getting supplies from Shampoo's father. Ryoga attacked in a blind rage, and you saved Shampoo from one of his stray attacks."
Ranma nodded, absorbing and filing the information. "You said pops adopted Ucchan, so where was she... er, he?"
"From what I've heard, you and your father realized that Ukyo didn't simply think of you as his brother sometime before you left for China. So your father sent Ukyo off to live with your mother, in hopes that she would straighten Ukyo out." Cologne rolled her eyes at the thought. "How anyone could think you mother and all of her bizarre opinions on sex could correct anyone else's sexuality is beyond me."
Ranma nodded in response. His mother was strange that way. "I guess she's gushing with pride at home many girls I have chasing after me, ain't she?"
Cologne nodded. "Yes. She is very please with the number of women throwing themselves at your feet." Cologne tone indicated her disgust with that idea.
Ranma nodded. The idea of women throwing themselves at him was always disturbing, whether they were throwing themselves as his waistline or his feet. "So what about the Tendos?"
Cologne sighed. "I don't know the specifics, mind you. I didn't arrive until later, but from what I gather, you are engaged to marry one of the Tendos. You fathers currently favor Nabiki, since she is both the eldest daughter and the heir to the Tendo School.
"That has not stopped the other two daughters from trying to attract your attention, mind. Akane however is too shy to be too aggressive. On the other hand, since you didn't immediately bed either of her sisters, Kasumi apparently decided that you must therefore like only 'bad-girl' types, and you've doubtlessly seen the results of that decision by now.
"Nabiki and you have maintained that your engagement is strictly based on honor. You presumably because you had no desire to be rushed into marriage. Nabiki because she insists on being completely self-reliant whenever possible. Nevertheless, it is obvious given the very fact that she managed to ask you to help her training that Nabiki is in love with you as well. She doesn't want to admit to it, because she feels admitting to it would be admitting that she is dependent upon someone for something, but she is."
Ranma sighed as he absorbed everything. "Great. I wish for my girl problems to be solved and they're now a worse mess than ever."
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See other episodes by Brian Drozd
(Posted Sun, 28 Mar 2004 22:45)
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