[Episode 101940] [Episode 101940]"Once again, Kobayashi sets forth with guts and conviction and very little brains!" Poemi declared as she pushed off riding the umpteenth salvaged scooter that Watanabe Nabeshin had recovered.
"Of course, no action sequence is complete without a snappy soundtrack to go along with it, and being an addventure and all, you readers are unable to listen to any soundtrack that might be accompanying this mind-tingling sequence. But for your pleasure, Kobayashi has brought Kobayashi's own soundtrack with Kobayashi!" With that complete and utter shattering of the fourth wall, Poemi pulled out what looked like a Japanese gee-taur, spinning it about its neck before holding it in the correct position for playing. "Kobayashi has thought to bring a biwa for the reader's entertainment, though Kobayashi will have to tune it first!"
Actually, it's a shamisen, Poemi.
"SHUT UP!" snapped Poemi. "Kobayashi will now proceed to tune the biwa!" Shamisen. "KOBAYASHI SMASH!!" A fist shot right through the computer screen to bash the author's nose in. "The author will now shut up. Kobayashi will have no more lip as Kobayashi tunes the biwa! ♪BI-WA, BI-WA, LA-LA-LA—♪*OOF!*"
Poemi crashed facefirst into the fat bastard whose name in the script is listed as 'Kobayashi's father'. She slid down, taking part of the yukata the man habitually wore with her. Poemi was still, face in the man's nethers, before pulling back to reveal that her mouth was full of fish and not full of... well, we'll not go into that. Nor will anything but the fish will be going into Poemi this episode. (Sorry, lolicons.)
Poemi immediately started off again, her speech unhampered by the fact that her mouth was full of seafood. "Kobayashi's father-san! You seem always to have a fish for Kobayashi, for which Kobayashi can stick a knife up its butt to turn into Puni-Puni Kobayashy, but I have a question."
The man looked quizzically at Poemi, and it seemed to her that he was asking for Poemi to speak that question.
"Why does Kobayashi's fish always taste like rotten, stinking fish that have been in the sun for several days?"
The man took hold of Poemi's shamisen and started tuning it. To Poemi, it seemed the man said, "Because they are. Rotten, stinking fish that have been in the sun for several days, that is." Turning away, the man who was listed as 'Kobayashi's father' in the script seemed to say to Poemi, "Nevertheless, it may be useful."
Poemi looked at the fish, which she knew could at any minute start speaking, commanding her to transform into Puni-Puni Poemy. But she didn't mind, like she didn't mind her shamisen (or, as she called it, a 'biwa', which is a similar instrument from China) being taken away by a complete stranger —and it was a complete stranger no matter what the narrator says. But she was so wastefully energetic anyway that she didn't mind it being taken away. But still...
"This tastes gross!" declared Poemi, taking the rotten, stinking, but quite magical fish-mascot out of her mouth at last. "Kobayashi go barfy," she announced, and proceeded to do just that, in a continuous stream. "Barfy, barfy! Totally mega-barf-o-licious!" continued Poemi, the stream of vomit never abating, although it seemed not to disrupt her voice. "Mister, this is so totally barf-a-roni that I'm gonna keep the barf in a bag to splat on you later when I figure out where you've disappeared to!" said Poemi to the man identified in the script as 'Kobayashi's father' but no longer was in this scene.
"Poemi-chan!" came a cute voice from Poemi's side.
"YAH!!" the barfing girl shrieked, stopping being the barfing girl and started being the screaming girl as her arms and legs windmilled this way and that. She turned to the source of the voice, who was no other than her good friend Aasu Futaba, a rather dirty name when analyzed phonetically. "Futaba-chan! Once again Kobayashi is wrong in thinking that Kobayashi would be the first and only one to arrive so early to school, though Kobayashi sees that you are not sleeping on the desks like you owned the place which you don't anyway since you don't actually live in the school."
"Poemi-chan, you forgot your panties. Kusu! Kusu!" faux-giggled Futaba, holding up a pair of white, frilly silk panties that glowed with the nonexistent innocence of its owner. "You simply cannot walk around with your hoo-ha exposed, Poemi-chan. We can get you a skirt at school."
Poemi looked down, realizing her nekkidness. "Oh no! Kobayashi is naked in a very inappropriate way on Kobayashi's bottom half. Scandal! Scandal! Future voice actress is seen with her poontang and buttcheeks flapping out of synch with her voice! Such unskillfulness! As punishment, they will take away Kobayashi's vulva, and Kobayashi's uvula for good measure! Kobayashi's a voice actress! Kobayashi needs both Kobayashi's vulva and uvula! Don't take 'em awayyyy!!!!" Poemi bellowed again, her insane words almost slurring from the speed they were coming out of her mouth.
"Poemi-chan, please don't worry. Here!" Futaba-chan pushed the pair of panties she held into Poemi's hands. "Wear these."
A bright smile visited Poemi's face. "Thank you, Futaba-chan!" she proclaimed needlessly loudly as she slipped them on over her thick-soled shoes. "Kobayashi is once again in your debt as this is the seventeen hundredth time Kobayashi has required someone give Kobayashi panties to cover up Kobayashi's lower nekkidness. Fifteen hundred times, it was required for Kobayashi to cover Kobayashi's upper nekkidness, and five hundred even times were the two required together. Kobayashi truly and completely has a friend in Futaba-chan."
Her lower region was now safely within the confines of a pair of silky-white panties, that region was still blocked by mosaics because now the panty-shot crowd needed to be let down.
"Funny! They seem a bit damp. Did you just wash these, Futaba-chan? Where did you get these panties to cover Kobayashi's lower nekkidness? From a vending machine? No, wrong district for that. From a lingerie shop? Wrong, there's none around for half a mile! Where, Futaba-chan, where did you get such excellent if slightly damp and sticky panties for Kobayashi to wear to cover her lower nekkidness that she exposed when rushing out of the house? Where did you get these, Futaba-chan? Where? Where? Where?"
A gust of wind blew through the street, lifting Futaba-chan's skirt in a flutter of cloth, and mosaics blocked the fact that she was currently bum to the breeze from view, once again disappointing the lolicon segment of the readership.
"oh," murmured Poemi. This is the smallest number of words she's said in a single utterance. She quickly got herself started again with her useless prattle. "Ah! Gomen, gomen, Futaba-chan, for forcing you to expose your own nekkidness to cover Kobayashi's own! Kobayashi will buy you a new pair as soon as Kobayashi and Futaba-chan get to school, whereupon Kobayashi will go on a shopping spree buying panties and skirts and pencils and pens and paper and a lock for my kick-propelled vehicle which seems to be gone now. GONE NOW!??! Some bastard has stolen my vehicle yet again!" Indeed, Poemi's scooter had disappeared sometime while she had been talking.
"What is this world coming to if Kobayashi cannot leave her horizontal transport vehicle unattended if for only a moment before Kobayashi's property is stolen? Is it coming to Grand Central Station? Is it coming to America? Is it coming out of the closet? Is it coming out in hives? Is it cumming? Cumming! Cumming!! White spooge all over the place!" Poemi blathered about the misappropriation of her scooter, spinning about in place like a demented pirouetteer.
"Poemi-chan's wearing my panties. Ahhh..." Futaba whispered dreamily as she realized this. She closed her eyes to imagine what naughty thoughts go on inside that perverted little head of hers.
"*GURKL!*"
"Futaba-chan, what was that sound? It sounded to Kobayashi like a jug of fruit juice sucking in air as it releases its precious life-giving sweet fluid," inquired the curious Watanabe Poemi. "Was it some misbehaving plumbing? Was it someone wishing to quench her thirst? Tell Kobayashi!"
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(Posted Wed, 12 May 2004 08:26)
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