“...Excuse me?” The Reaper asked curiously.
“I ain’t goin’ ta meet my maker,” Ranma said as he crossed his arms over his chest. “I got far too much I need ta do, and dyin’ ain’t one of them!”
“Okay, whatever...” The Reaper said unphased by how the newly deceased was acting.
Blinking his eyes, Ranma asked, “Huh?” He must’ve been hearing wrong. Usually everyone gave him some sort of hassle when he tried to go against what they wanted; it was eerie to have someone agree to what he wanted.
“You heard me,” Death told Ranma. “If you don’t want to move onto the life-after, that’s quite all right. You’re not the first to want to stay, and won’t be the last. Countless people have stayed on as apparitions in this world.”
“...Oh...” Ranma said after a few moments, wondering if this were a good thing or bad thing. “So what now, I just stay here and you leave?”
“Not so simple,” Death said as he seemingly pulled a bunch of papers out from his sleeve. “Sign on the dotted line, and we’ll get you filed under Ghost.”
Ranma blinked his eyes in comprehension. “Wait... Yah mean I really am dead?”
“Correct,” Death answered.
“And instead of having to go onto heaven or-”
“Hell, in your case,” The Grim Reaper interrupted. At the look he got from Ranma, he asked, “What? You dug yourself into a pretty deep hole with your karma and actions. Where did you think you were going to go?”
Ranma chuckled nervously. Oh yeah. Staying on earth as a ghost sounded like a MUCH better alternative. “Where do I sign again?” He asked feebly.
“The. Dotted. Line.” The Grim Repear answered as he tapped on the spot with a feather-quill. Honestly, what he wouldn’t have given to be able to carry around a few pens.
Taking the feather from the skeleton man’s hand, Ranma began signing right on the dotted line without hesitation. “So I’ll be a ghost now, right?”
“Not quite yet,” The Grim Reaper said. “That was only the first page, you were giving your confirmation that you’d want to stay on earth in a spiritual form. Because of the life you’ve lead, you have more options than most. Now to get you signed up for what sort of ghost you want to be.”
Blinking his eyes in surprise, Ranma asked, “There’s variation?”
“Of course!” Death answered firmly. “There’s the ‘Classical Ghost’, where you have a certain ‘haunt’ that you cannot leave, in this case, it would be the Tendo home and Dojo. Only those who were close to you, are experiencing a powerful emotion, (in most cases, fear), or are spiritually sensitive will actually get to see you. In other cases you’ll have to let people know you’re there by throwing stuff, moving furniture across the room, levitating people, talking through electric items in the phenomenon of ’white noise’, etcetera, etcetera...”
Ranma nodded. “Yeah, that’s what I was expecting... Kinda... But what else is there?”
“Well, another popular one is ‘Poltergeist’. This usually is available to those who were tormented through life or had a rather unpleasant ending. And lucky you, you had both.” Death chuckled. “The rules are the same as a Classical ghost, with a few exceptions. First off, you’re actually allowed to physically harm people, due to the nature of the violence projected onto you first. Second, is you can physically appear to more than just people that were close to you. If you get pissed, you can let anyone know of your presence. And third, becoming a Poltergeist DOES give you a bit of a personality change. You’ll be quicker to anger, even becoming temperamental with those who were kind to you.”
Again, Ranma nodded his head. Sounded better than the first option, since it meant he could still fight and practice martial arts... But did he really want to be angry all the time? He didn’t want to risk the possibility of becoming another Akane. “What else is there?”
“There’s ‘Hungry Ghost’,” The Grim Reaper said. “A specialty for this region. You’d be a truly invisible apparition that cannot react with anything unless it’s anything metal, metal, by the way, you’re allowed to eat for energy and make yourself stronger. The actions of your feeding appear as rust and dulling of metals. Here’s a hint though, if you can, go for swords. They’ll give you the best nourishment. The upside to this weird taste and not being seen normally is that while you are detached from everyone as a ghost, you ARE allowed to possess people for periods of time. It all depends on how much energy you’ve gained from the metal you’ve eaten. ”
Ranma scratched his chin thoughtfully. “Well, that sounds promising. What else.”
Grim Reaper looked over the paperwork. “You Ranma, thanks to your nature of helping others without thinking of yourself at times, and the fact you’ve protected others even when they don’t deserve it, has allowed you the possibility to take the option of becoming an ‘Animal Spirit’. This allows you both spiritual and physical forms, which means you’d basically be ‘living’ again when you take a body.” The Grim Reaper raised his hand before Ranma could agree to it. “However, you should know that you will NOT be human, AT ALL! In your spiritual form, you can act as a dream guide for people you care about, or people in need. When you take a physical form, you will either be that animal made flesh, or a human and animal cross. In your region’s case, you’d have the choices of Nekotama, Inuma, Kitsune, Tanuki, and Tengu.”
Ranma frowned. Crap. Ii sounded like he could’ve been living again. But he wasn’t sure if he’d want to live as an ANIMAL. “Anything else?” Ranma asked.
“You have one more choice,” The Grim Reaper said. He looked over the last piece of paper. “Oh, this can’t be right...” He mumbled irritably.
Raising an eyebrow in curiosity, Ranma asked, “What is it?”
Reading over the paper again and again, the Grim Reaper finally looked up at Ranma. “No, it’s right. You’ve actually refilled all the requirements. Never had sex, was a constant focus of people, (of both genders) lust, aware of your own internal energies, and it helps that you are physically attractive to a certain degree.”
Ranma looked at Death questioningly. “What’re you talking about?”
“You’ve got the option of becoming an Incubus if you wish,” The Grim Reaper told Ranma.
“A what?” Ranma asked questioningly.
“Put simply, a ‘Sex Ghost’,” Death answered once more. “Or ‘Sex Vampire’, or ‘Sex Demon’ depending on who you ask.”
“A WHAT!?” Ranma shouted.
“You heard me,” Death answered. “You’d basically be a apparition allowed to take physical form to seduce and fuck some lucky young and nubile target. In exchange for allowing them to have the ride of their life, you’re allowed to feed off from THEIR soul to sustain your own existence. You can take a little and have to do this often, or you can be a greedy mo-fo and take their entire soul for you sustenance and not have to commit your acts for awhile. Such practice is what got the Incubi and Succubi the title of ‘demon’,” Death explained to make it sound scandalous.
Ranma’s face was as white as a sheet, (and in turn making him look like a ghost). Him? A sex ghost!? THE HELL!?
Tapping his foot at Saotome’s inattentiveness, the Grim Reaper lifted his robe’s arm to reveal a Micky Mouse watch around his radial and ulnar bones. “Look, I really don’t have the time to stand around here. Elvis got out this morning again, and making for more sightings. I’ve got to corral him and take him past the River Styx, pronto! So make your choice and sign already!”
Ranma looked confuse and unsure of himself. He always hated being put on the spot for any major decision.
“Well!?” Death snapped.
“Okay, okay!” Ranma shouted, as he held his hands up defensively. “Hold your horses.”
The Grim Reaper put his hand on Ranma’s shoulder. “Okay, I’m holding my horse.”
Ranma sweat-dropped. “Uh...”
The Grim Reaper made a show of sighing. “Damn it. For once, I’d like to find someone who can laugh in the face of me.” He shook his head. “But enough jokes.” His eye-sockets glowing with a red light. Flames appeared behind the Grim Reaper as he commanded Ranma to, “CHOOSE!!!”
“Ack!” Ranma jumped back once more. “Okay! I’ll be a...”
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(Posted Sun, 19 Dec 2004 19:34)
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