EATING!
People watched with rapt fascination; akin to how people are when they see how a school of piranhas can rip all the flesh from a cow in twenty seconds. The seemingly mountains of plates and piled high food seemed to shrink to nothing as their arms blurred, shoveling the food into their moths.
On wondered if they even swallowed before shoveling their pie-holes full again.
The waiters and waitresses were double tasking to clear out the dirty plates and bring out new ones as the party was ordering new meals almost as soon as they finished a plate off.
Tenchi stared at his three teammates, just gawking. “You all eat like pigs.”
Pirotess snorted at the disgusting eating habits of her teammates and sipped her coffee. “No, Tenchi,” Pirotess said. “Pigs tend to chew their food. I’d say they eat more like ducks and just swallow.”
A muffled, “Bite me” came from someone’s mouth as they continued to eat.
“Well, you three do,” The Dark Elf mumbled before taking another sip of her much-needed caffeine.
Three hands flipping the bird shot up for a second, before returning to shoveling mouth. However, in that span of .305 seconds when they all flipped the bird to the Dark Elf, Tenchi managed to get a biscuit from one of the main plates on the table.
“At last,” The Swordsman said as he held the biscuit, tears of joy in the corners of his eyes. “Food!”
*YOINK*! *CHOMP*!
But just as he was about to bite it, it disappeared from his hand. “Huh!?”
Lina’s deadly ‘Fork-Snatcher Attack’ struck again!
Grinning in pride at having took back a biscuit, Lina felt pretty damn good about herself. There was nothing that could stop her technique! She was invincible! And to prove her point, she reached over for some nice Bufflax Sausage.
*CLASH*!
But what’s this? Ranma and his dreaded ‘Raiding Chopsticks’ were after HER Sausage?
Staring each other in the eyes, Lina and Ranma growled, sparks flying between them. “I stabbed it first monk! So let go or die!” Lina growled threateningly out the pigtailed individual.
“HA! I had my eye on that piece of Bufflax since the waitress brought it here!” Ranma said as his chopsticks held a firm hold.
“Yoink!”
Suddenly a golden furred and spotted hand reached over and yanked the sausage away and popped it into her mouth. “Mmm, yummy...” Britanny licked her lips after she swallowed.
“Britanny!” Both Ranma and Lina shouted as one.
“What? I wanted it too.” The werecheetah shrugged before she resumed munching on a tuna fillet. “Besides, here comes the waitress with your latest order of Bufflax Sausage,” Britanny added between bites.
Seeing the waitress, Pirotess asked, “Do you have my leg of Tusker?”
The Waitress shook her head. “I’m sorry Miss, but we actually ran out of Tusker it seems. Would you like anything else?”
Pirotess snorted. “More coffee.”
“Um ma’am what is there left to eat?” Tenchi asked a little feebly.
“Well, let me think... I know we have more sausage... Right... Here?” The Waitress blinked her eyes. She knew she brought a full plate. “What happened to all the sausage?”
Pirotess pointed a finger at the three gluttons at their table.
Lowering his head, Tenchi sighed in defeat. “I guess more coffee will do...” He was glad he ate early with Church but neither got to eat much before Lina came and stole some bits from their plates.
“Oh, nonsense,” The Waitress said. “We still have plenty of Leafers and Land-Squid.”
Tenchi’s face paled a little. “Land-Squid... Right... I’m actually allergic to those, so just coffee and any biscuits if any are left.”
Pirotess raised an eyebrow. “How meaty are the Leafers?”
“Not very, because they’re still pretty young,” The Waitress admitted, but told her. “So they’re excellent for salads since they retain more of their lettuce body.”
“Fine. A Leafer Salad with some Land-Squid calamari then...” Pirotess glared at the three gluttons of their traveling-group. “And if any of you try anything...”
“No thanks, I don’t like Leafers,” Lina said.
“I’m not big on veggies,” Brit mumbled with food in her mouth.
“And to me, Land-Squid tastes like crap,” Ranma added his two cents.
Pirotess smirked. “Good I ordered something you WON’T steal.”
Tenchi looked at his friends. “You might wanna slow down if you want Church to pick up the tab. He still hasn’t gotten back yet.”
“Oh, he’ll be back sooner or later,” Ranma said seriously. “He always seems to.”
“Yeah one thing we can credit him for, is he doesn’t squirm out of bets... Usually.” Lina allowed.
“And besides...” Britanny grinned. “We’ll just eat your biscuits in the meantime, Tenchi!”
Tenchi groaned. “But I’m hungry, and I haven’t done anything wrong.”
“Yes you did,” Pirotess said. “You barged in on me.” Of course, unmentioned was how she purposely teased him.
“That was Church’s doing!” Tenchi whined. “He used me like a Goddadn battering ram!” He protested further as he rubbed his head. “And my head still hurts!”
“To quote Church, ‘Cry me a river, cockbite’,” Pirotess said as she continued to sip on her coffee.
“Aw man, it’s bad enough he picks on me,” Tenchi grumbled. “But you too?”
“Well, maybe if you stood up for yourself, we’d all have a better opinion of you,” Britanny suggested.
“Yeah man, no offense Tenchi, but you’re pretty pathetic,” Ranma said. “If it wasn’t for your sword-skills, I would’ve ignored you completely.”
“I do! But you guys just keep battering and chipping at my self esteem!” Tenchi shouted. “And Church is the worst! I mean, he treats me like some pack-mule or a dummy to beat on.”
“Or a Carnival ride,” Britanny added. “I mean, how long did he ride on your shoulders before we got here THIS time?”
“I finally threw him off when we got to that Crystal Lake place... Too bad we had to run again when that nut in the white mask came out of the lake, swinging a machete at us...”
“Yeah, what was with THAT?” Britanny asked a bit angrily. “I swear, he totally ruined the mood Ranma and I had going!”
“Yeah,” Ranma huffed. “Neither Britanny nor I got off before he charged in on us and nearly cut my head free of my shoulders!”
Sighing, Pirotess rubbed the bridge of her nose. “I still can’t believe that also was Church’s fault... Since he said some years ago, him and one of his old teammates... Tucker I think, wrapped some ugly-ass prisoner in chains and slapped that mask on him and rolled him into the lake...”
Pouting, Britanny said, “Damn Church. Always screwing things up for me.”
Ranma nodded. “It’s no wonder he went after us, because we had Church with us.”
“Don’t worry,” Lina assured her teammates. “I got rid of him with that Explosion Array.”
“But he got up again remember?” Tenchi said dryly.
The redheaded sorceress frowned at that and turned to Tenchi. “No, that was when I used the Gaav Flare on him that he got back up. With the Explosion Array, I sent him flying away.”
“Oh right, sorry got those spells confused.” Tenchi chuckled sheepishly. “Man did he go flying... He mustive landed on the other side of the lake nearly a hundred miles away.”
At Tenchi’s estimate, Lina smiled in pride. “I don’t think he’ll be bothering us ever again.”
“As long as we avoid Camp Crystal Lake like the plague,” Britanny muttered.
Lina nodded. “We can avoid it. It’s not like all roads lead to Crystal Lake.”
“Yeah that’s true,” Tenchi said, before looking at Ranma. “Hey, Ranma! Has Dorothy sent us any leads on a new quest?”
Ranma grinned. “As a matter of fact...” He was already reaching into the pack he had with him and took out the map. “But we should wait until Church gets back...”
“So we DO have a new quest?” Lina asked, looking hopeful.
Ranma nodded his head energetically. “And the Prophet promised lots of money, weapons... And Sex!”
Some groans came at the latter part.
Lina rubbed her brow. “Wonderful...”
Tenchi sighed, he always SOMEHOW got left out of the sex. Either a paralysis spell or some trap… Or he was teleported away...
Grinnning, Britanny licked her lips. While she and Ranma were close... Neither had a qualm with swinging.
Pirotess snorted and drank some more of her coffee.
Ranma looked about the table at the reactions. “What? She said there would be major treasure!”
“The treasure is good, but some of us aren’t sex-craving loonies,” Lina retorted.
Tenchi sighed and decided to change the subject. “Hey Ranma, I know this might sound out of the blue ,but how did you meet the Oz Witch? You said it was a little bit before you met Church.”
“Yeah...” Ranma rolled his eyes. “I hate admitting this, but would you believe she saved my ass?”
“How did that happen?” Lina raised an eyebrow; she too was curious how a monk with an ecchi streak a mile long in him like Ranma caught the eye of the Twister Rider, and Soothsayer of Oz.
“Well, the Dojo was raided, and I got a sword through my chest. In one way and out the other,” Ranma said. “Instead of dying like I thought I had, I woke up and fully healed inside the Witch’s Quarters at the Emerald City of Oz.”
“Go on,” Pirotess softly urged, trying to look not really interested. But the twitching of her right ear as she sipped her coffee betrayed that fact.
“Yeah, seems she saw what was going on in her crystal ball,” Ranma explained. “So she rode her rickety flying bicycle and brought me to her home to be medically treated.” Ranma frowned a little. “She said I was in a coma for over a week before I woke up.”
“A sword in the chest can do that,” Lina said seriously.
Nodding his head reluctantly to that, Ranma frowned. “Anyway, I owe her my life now. And so I get do some particularly difficult quests for her as favors AND to make some quick major cash.”
“Can’t say they don't bring in cash,” Tenchi agreed. “Insane and life-threatening quests, but the payoff are usually pretty damn good.”
“So tell me Ranma was the old Witch a conquest of yours?” Pirotess asked with an evil smirk. “I heard like old Genkai, she can return to a youthful body when using her power.” Of course Pirotess brought that unrelated concept up just to poke fun at Ranma since Church wasn’t around... She had to poke at someone and Tenchi already had been made fun of for the time being.
Ranma chocked on nothing and stared hard at her. “NO!!! She’s, what, in her eighties!?”
“So? I’m in my two-hundred’s and I’m still desirable,” Pirotess grinned. “Remember, soothsayers, prophets, and mages can alter their appearances. I’ll bet the old hag look is just a power saver.”
“She has a point. My instructor was three-hundred and he didn’t look that old, even if he was a werecat.” Lina said as she thought about that.
“And of course we can say our Dark Elf is jerking your chain, Ranma.” Britanny rubbed his arm soothingly.
Ranma nodded his head at the comfort. “Thank you, Britanny.”
“Well he was out for a week, and being stuck in that chamber can be very lonely... Who knows what she could have done to him while he slept?” Pirotess grinned even more.
His eyes bugging out wide, Ranma froze in his seat, his face deathly pale.
“Okay Pirotess, I think you’ve teased him enough,” Tenchi said dryly.
Pirotess grinned. “I have not yet begun to tease!”
Rolling her eyes, Lina groaned at that. “And I thought Church was pretty sadistic.”
“If Church was doing the talking, he’d be more graphic,” Tenchi said as he shuddered. Damn that Church! Now Tenchi would NEVER be able to get those thoughts of what his Great-Aunt Ayeka wanted to do to him out of his head!
“That he would,” The Dark Elf agreed as she nodded her head to Tenchi... Who seemed to be twitching quite a bit.
“Say, where is the moron? He’s taking his sweet time getting back!” Lina said in irritation. “I didn’t blast him that far away.”
Tenchi nodded. “You may have blasted him farther than usual though.”
“SON OF A BITCH!” Came a cry of terror from said Paladin, originating from outside.
One of her ears raising, Britanny looked up from the table. “That was Church... And sounds like he’s in trouble.”
“Again...” Ranma groaned.
And then the Paladin shot through the doors. “SHIT! GUYS! WE GOTTA GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!”
“What’s the trouble now, dumbass?” Lina stood up.
“It’s-”
Read the comments on this episode
See other episodes by Red Priest of the 17th Order
(Posted Thu, 31 Mar 2005 17:06)
Questions? Problems? Suggestions?
Send a mail to addventure@bast-enterprises.de
or use the contact form.
らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
All other series and their characters are © by their respective creators or owners. No claims of ownership of these characters are implied by the authors of this Addventure, or should be inferred.
The Anime Addventure is a non-profit site.