"Is that any way to greet an old friend?" Ritsuko Akagi replied with a small smile.
"No, but you stopped being my friend, didn't you?"
"Misato...."
"Don't 'Misato' me, Doctor Akagi."
The blonde let her happy expression fade, and pressed her lips together. "But we have been friends for years."
"And you stomped all over that. After all, it was you who chose to go that way."
"I didn't mean to hurt you."
"Well, you did!" the major shouted loud enough to force the other woman to take a step back. Noticing that other shoppers were stopping to stare at them, she visibly tried to force herself to calm down. "No one forced you to do anything, but you decided to hurt all of us anyway."
"How are they?"
"'They'?"
"I.... Maya won't even see me. I haven't heard from from Shinji. And the last time that I saw Asuka, she looked like she wanted to spit on me."
"They have good reasons. I mean, Maya looked up to you, thought that you were this wonderful example of what a scientist should be. But you showed her how low you'd stoop. Shinji didn't want to have a nervous breakdown, and Asuka, well, once she knew what you were doing, how else would she react?"
Ritsuko gave a soft, self deprecating laugh, and leaned against the window. "I figured as much. Where are they now?"
"Maya's working. The children... I'd like to take in myself, but I can't at the moment. Shinji and Asuka's friends' families have taken them in for the time being. And Rei...."
"What about her?"
"She's not being experimented on, fortunately."
"I see...."
"Do you? Because I'm not certain that you do."
"Trust me, I do."
"You want me to trust you?" the purple haired woman asked incredulously. "You can't be serious."
"You did once."
"Yes. 'Once'. Never again. After what you did.... How could you even justify it?"
"It was for the good of humanity. We had to preserve the human race any way that we could. Otherwise, it would have been the end."
"Then maybe it would have been better to have it end."
"What?!"
Misato gave the other woman a hard look, and thumped a hand against her chest. "Sometimes it's worse to hold onto something than to let it go. What's the use of saving humanity when the cost is harder to take than the failure? Not only were you choosing the future for everyone else, but you were letting innocents be used in horrible ways. All for some.... monster who cared about nothing but what he wanted."
"It was supposed to be the right path."
"Well, it wasn't! I wanted to be who I was. I liked my individuality, and I didn't want anything, or anyone to take that away! But then, you didn't care, did you?"
"I cared!"
"Funny way of showing it. You were spying on us for the man who could make our lives the worst that they could be. I mean, just with me, it's bad enough. We were roommates in college! You were my best friend, and what did you do? Use that to go behind my back. And what did you get from it? A pat on your head?"
"More than that, and you know it," the scientist muttered.
"Exactly. You have an affair with the commander, and suddenly you're ready to help turn our lives to pot. We trusted you to help keep and make the machines that we'd need to protect those we cared about, and you do this. All for a guy who had an affair with your mother."
"I...."
"What?" the military officer growled. "I remember you not liking your mother, and there you were, taking her place with her guy."
"I didn't.... He was my opportunity to prove that I was better than her."
"Eh?"
"My mother's work was her life. That's all that she cared about and had, besides him. But I thought that being the chief scientist for NERV, and having him, when she couldn't hold on to him, would mean that I was somehow better than her. That I'd proven that I had surpassed her."
"And instead, you became her."
"What...." Ritsuko gasped, turning to stare at the woman that she'd called friend.
"Think about it. Your mother was totally focused on her work, and turned her back on the person who should have been the most important individual in her life, you, so that she could do the bidding of that jackass Gendo. You were totally wrapped up in your work, turned your back on everyone who meant anything, and cared about you, so that you could do what that same guy wanted. Mother and daughter, a matching set."
"That's not...."
"'How it was'? Seems that way from where I'm standing. And you chose to make it that way."
"I didn't have a choice."
"Bull! You had your choice. You could have merely walked away, or tried to stop him. Instead, you merely went along for the ride," Misato sneered, glaring at the blonde.
"It wasn't that easy. And he would have gotten someone else."
"But you'd have stood up for what was right."
Swallowing hard, the doctor tried to lean hopefully towards the other woman. "I didn't mean for it to get like this."
"But, it did. And now you have destroyed every relationship that you had. All the trust, respect, caring, and affection that any of us had for you is gone. Just for what little you could get from a single selfish, self righteous, cruel and cold bastard."
"That was something that I didn't realize at the time."
"And now you do? Sorry, but I'm not going to believe you that easily from now on. Besides, how are you just walking around like this?"
"They're watching me all the time, with cameras and people. I can't be locked up, but they're not about to let me go without an eye on me."
"That's a good idea," Misato replied, and turned away from her old roommate. "You know something, Ritsuko?"
"What?"
"Back when Shinji ran away the first time, you talked me down, and helped me understand where he was coming from. That whole 'porcupine' speech worked, and I thought that you were actually a caring human being who could sympathize with others."
"I...."
"But do you know what? I guess that I was wrong. You just knew how to use me to get what Gendo needed."
"It wasn't like that! I was trying to help you!"
"Could have fooled me."
"Misato...."
The major looked over her shoulder and gave her former friend a flat stare. "Goodbye, Doctor. I hope you enjoy the bed that you've made, because I'm not about to help you out of it. Goodbye, and good luck."
As Misato left, she never looked backwards, and merely kept her features hard and controlled as she made her exit.
So, she never saw Ritsuko watching after her, with tears running down her face, standing silently amongst the crowds, totally alone. The scientist didn't move or say a word, but for the first time, in a long time, one could see her emotions in her eyes, and only pain was there at the moment. She was lost and adrift, and she clearly knew that she was at fault.
That was why she gave off a choked sob, closed her eyes, and hung her head as Misato Katsuragi disappeared into the crowds, while:
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(Posted Sun, 04 Sep 2005 00:12)
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