"itsnotmyfaultitsnotmyfaultitsnotmyfault"
Sailor Pluto had lost quite a lot recently. It all began with her trying to correct the time stream as per her duties as Guardian of the Gates of Time. What should have been a simple matter of simply assuring that a certain individual never met the sailor senshi had quickly become (due largely to her decision to use extreme force to kill said individual) an apocalyptic event resulting in the total destruction of not only her home solar system, but the entire local time stream as well.
itsnotmyfaultitsnotmyfaultitsnotmyfaultitsnotmyfaultitsnotmyfaultitsnotmyfault....
Not only had one Setsuna Meiou lost her job as Guardian, all respect from her fellow senshi, all her friends, her home, possibly the love of the only family she had, her entire world, and all respect for herself, but it was quite certain from looking upon her curled up and shivering form lying in the middle of an open green field, that she had also seemed to manage to loose her very sanity as well. All in all quite a feat to accomplish all in one day.
itsnotmyfaultitsnotmyfaultitsnotmyfaultitsnotmyfault*choke*itsnotmyfaultitsnotmyfaultitsnot...not....my.......*sob*"
And so it was that Setsuna continued to lay curled and shivering up in a fetal position, trying in vain to somehow warm the aching and hollow chill centering from her cold and broken heart. To her the only thing that existed any more was the cold and darkness saturating every bone and pore in her body. She did not feel the soft grass beneath her, she could not feel the warm sun above her, she would not hear the song of birds around her, nor did she see the dance of butterflies within the wind or smell the fragrance of the flowers around her. To her all that was and all that the future held for her was the cold and lonely darkness.
*sob*itsnotmyfaultitsnotmyfaultitsnotmyfaultits*sniff*notmyfaultitsnot...
And so it was when Setsuna Meiou was so dead to the world that she did not sense the approach of two figures coming near her. If she had she probably would not have cared anyway. Nor did she seem to notice the dark aura beginning to form around her very being.
myfaultitsnotmyfaultitsnotmyfault*choke*notmyfaultnotmyfaultnotfaultnotfaultnotfaultmynotfaultitsmynotfaultmyfaultmyfaultmyfaultmyfaultmyfaultmyfaultmyfault...
"Oh d-d-d-d-dear! Pooh! Pooh come quick! There's a girl here! And it looks like she's crying!" Pigglet had come racing up to Setsuna as soon as he had first seen her. The sight of the crumpled Sailor Suited Warrior tore at his fragile little heart. No one should be sad he honestly believed. No matter whom you were, no matter what had happened, things should never become so bad as to make you cry. He dearly hoped that his friend Winnie the Pooh could help, though he seemed to always know what to do in any situation, even if it seemed that he didn't realize it himself.
"Oh dear oh dear, are you all right my dear? You don't look so good, maybe some honey will cheer you up? I know that a good smackeral of honey always cheers me up when I'm feeling a bit down. But I don't seem to have any with me right now, oh bother. I know! Perhaps we could go together to rabbits house, he always keeps some hidden away for when I come to visit, trying to find it is half the fun!" Pooh said upon seeing Setsuna. The poor girl looked like she could really use some cheering up. Why it looked as if she was lost, and that darkness didn't look none to healthy indeed. Nope, a good pot of honey with some good friends were just what she needed, in fact, it was just what everyone needed Pooh believed.
faultmyfaultmyfaultmyfaultmyfaultmyfault...
"Pooh, I don't think she heard you. How are we going to get her to Rabbits house? She's m-m-m-m-m-m-much to big for us to carry."
Pooh sat down with a plop to think about that. His friend Pigglet was right of course, the girl was a bit bigger than a honey pot, and Pooh was sure that that was about all he could carry. Unless it was of course two honey pots, but this girl looked bigger than even that. So carrying her to Rabbits house was out of the question.
"Hmmm, think think think think, think think think think think think think, hmmmmm. Pigglet dear, what was it that I was trying to think about again?"
"How to c-c-c-c-carry this girl to Rabbits house Pooh."
"Hmmm? Oh yes, she is a bit big to carry isn't she, and it doesn't seem like she can walk right now. Well, it decided then. If the girl cannot be carried to Rabbits house, then we will have to carry Rabbits house to the girl." Pooh said with a firm nod of his head."
Oh Pooh, I don't th-th-th-think that we can do that. After all Rabbit seems to like his house where it as, and not only that, but I don't think that carrying Rabbits house will be easier at all. There must be something we can do."
"Oh bother, it seems that you are right again dear Pigglet. What to do, what to do. Think think think think think think think...."
myfaultmy*Sob*faultmyfault*Sob*myfaultmyfaultmy*Sob*faultmyfault...
Pigglet was getting quite scarred now, Pooh was trying his best but it didn't seem to be working. Usually Poohs idea's always worked, except when they didn't, and now the darkness around the girl seemed even darker. What to do, oh what to do! But it was then that something that Pooh had just said brought an idea to Pigglets mind.
"Pooh!" Pigglet cried out, "Maybe we don't have to bring all of Rabbits house, maybe we can just bring Rabbit! Wouldn't that work?"
"Hmm? Why that's a marvelous idea Pigglet!" Pooh exclaimed. "Why I'm sure he can bring some honey with him, and maybe some tea, yes, some tea would be good. But you can't have tea without honey of course so we need to make sure he remembers the honey. Why don't you go and get Rabbit Pigglet, I'll sit here and keep this poor girl company. It's been a while since I've been able to keep someone company, not since Christopher Robbin stopped coming by. Do you think he'll drop by today Pigglet?"
But Pigglet wasn't there to answer, his tiny legs were already carrying him as fast as he could towards Rabbits house.
"Oh well, I suppose if he comes he'll come and if he does not then he does not, it is all up to him if he should decide to come in the future. What matters is that you are here now." Pooh said to the curled figure of Setsuna as he began to stand up and waddle calmly over to her.
"Oh dear, that darkness doesn't look good at all, it's covering up your face, how will you breath if there is darkness all around your nose? Here let me try to wipe some of it away." Having said that Pooh gently moved a fluff stuffed hand near Setsunas head and gently began to brush her cheek.
myfaultmyfault my fault my fault my .......?
There was warmth. Warmth within the darkness. For the first time that seemed to stretched out longer than even her stay at the Gates of Time, Setsuna felt a spark of warmth. Blinking her tear stained blurry eyes Setsuna looked up to the figure stroking her cheek. Seeing a blurry figure all she could make out were two fuzzy round objects a top a fluffy head, that and the warm light that seemed to radiated off this figure like a benevolent sun. "Usagi? My Princess?"
"Oh dear, I don't believe I have any usagis right now, all out at the moment I'm afraid, and I'm very sure that we are also all out of princesses as well. Have you lost yours? Is that why you were crying?" Pooh asked. He was quite confused at the moment, but relieved as well. And since he was quite familiar with being confused he decided to be relieved instead. That dark cloud around her seemed to have shrunk quite a bit and she seemed to be talking again instead of mumbling. It was always good to be able to speak clearly, talking let one say what was on their mind so much better than mumbling, and this girl seemed to have quite a bit on her mind.
Blinking away her tears Setsuna took a good look at the figure addressing her. Seeing a friendly and smiling face framed by a golden bears head set upon a round little body wearing a red shirt Setsuna took a moment to recognize the figure. "Winnie the Pooh?"
Looking quite surprised Pooh replied "Why yes, have we met before? I would think that I would remember but I'm not quite good with remembering, forgetting yes, but remembering no."
Pluto shook her head "No no no, this isn't right, this shouldn't be happening, it’s all wrong!"
Looking quite concerned at the girl Pooh tried to calm her down as best her could, patting her shoulder he reassured her, "There there, it's alright, I've often found that things are rarely as they should be, just as they are. You mustn't get upset over should be's and simply enjoy the are's."
Blinking in confusion Setsuna looked at the silly little bear. "What are you talking about?" she demanded, "Don't you know what I've done, what's happened!? Of course you haven't, let me tell you, it's all gone! All of it! The world, the time stream, the future, its all broken and gone! How can I enjoy that!?" Putting her face between her hands Setsuna began to weep again, uncaring of who would see the 'mysterious' Guardian of Time break down. "I only tried to fix it, I only tried to fix the time stream, I knew it was beginning to tear, but I had to keep trying to fix it!"
Pooh didn't understand what this girl was talking about, but he was used to not understanding things so that didn't bother him. What he did understand was that she was sad about something being broken and Pooh could well relate to that. "There there, I know what it's like to have something you love break. I once dropped my favorite honey pot and cracked it terribly. It couldn't hold a full pot of honey anymore so I tried to use glue and string and mud to fix it, but it only seemed to make the crack bigger. In the end though I couldn't fix it, so I learned to fill it with just enough honey to not spill. Now I'm quite happy with it."
Setsuna could only stare at the bear. "How... why... what are you talking about? I didn't break some pot or cup, I tore apart the entire time stream!"
Un-phased by her outburst Pooh only continued to pat her on the shoulder. "Yes yes, it may not have been quite as useful as a honey pot, but I'm sure that you loved this 'time stream' very much. Just because something is broken doesn't mean that it needs to be thrown out, even if it can't be fixed I'm sure we can all still keep on loving it all the same. Being broken doesn't need to mean that we appreciate what we have any less."
To hear such a simple view of life, to face such unstrained compassion Setsuna couldn't hold herself back any longer. She had held her heart back for so long, she had restrained herself in the name of duty, but now with everything gone she grabbed and held on to the little bear, seeking to unburden even just a tiny bit of her sorrow the creature of fluff.
"Buh- but I tried so hard!" she sobbed into Poohs shoulder, "I did everything I could and it still broke! Ah-nd now, and now it's all gone and I've done something terrible, I wasn't supposed to push at it so hard but I did and it couldn't take any more but it still wasn't perfect so I pushed harder and it kept breaking more and I did something bad, and I did something ..." Tears flowing freely Setsuna Meiou finally released the guilt and pain that she had been holding for so long, and with that a bit more of the darkness surrounding her vanished."There there." Pooh told the distraught girl, it sounded that she had done something that she wasn't supposed to and it had made a mess, and now she was feeling terrible about what had happened. Pooh didn't know what to make of that, but it was not in his nature to lay blame upon anyone. Looking up Pooh saw the approaching figures of Rabbit and Pigglet coming up the foot of the hill, both buried under a pile of picnic supplies and honey pots that they had brought.
"Now dry your tears, Rabbit and Pigglet are coming to join us, and it looks like they've brought some honey along. I'm sure that what ever you did you did out of love, and love is never good or bad, it is simply love, and that is always more important."
Raising her head to look at the bear Setsuna could only mumble, "What is done in the name of love is done beyond good and evil. Friedrich Nietzsche said that"
"Hmm? Who? Is he a friend of yours, do you suppose he would like to join us? Would it be too much of a bother if you could ask him if he could bring a small smackeral of honey to the picnic?"
And as Setsuna though about Friedrich Nietzsche and Winnie the Pooh sitting down to discuss philosophy over a pot of honey she did something that she had not done in a long long time. Setsuna Meiou giggled with pure delight. And so it was that here, in one sunny spot in the middle of an oncoming storm of darkness, after she had lost everything she had every loved, Setsuna found her lost childhood. And when her dual roles of bearer of a key staff and Senshi to her Queen seemed to bear down on her to the point of breaking, when all seemed lost, she would always remember the one day when she meet a silly ole' bear.
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(Posted Tue, 23 May 2006 20:08)
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