???Ken: Poor Ranma's Suffering [Episode 169872]

by Kestral

Ilmater was sort of a twisted reflection of Issek Of The Jug if one visited Lankhmar, and one were to compare the two.

"Ah, you're looking... less pained than usual."

Of course, it being a completely twisted multiverse - you might still not expect them to get together for fish-n-chips on a Friday night over at Susanoo's Fish Hut (Outer Planes).

"You look a bit more pained than usual," answered Issek.

"Well, I'm considered an Intermediate nowadays, but that just seems to involve more paperwork," said Ilmater. "Honestly. Torture is one thing, but these bureaucrats..."

"I'm surprised someone hasn't come up with a god of red tape and bureaucrats yet," said Issek.

"Oh they have, Chinese fellow, very officious," said Ilmater. "Do you know what the fellow said to me?"

"Let me guess, 'you want it when' - followed by bellowing laughter?" asked Issek.

"Ah, so you ARE familiar with the type," said Ilmater. "Hey, waitress. Two tankards of Celestial Homebrew and a pair of planks, if you'd be so kind. No, what the bureaucrat said to me was 'mortals don't respect you, why should I?'"

"Rude, but there's a point there somewhere I suppose," agreed Issek.

"I have worshippers, knights, champions, but no respect?" asked Ilmater.

"Well, the thing is, maybe you need a different approach," said Issek. "You could try going the 'endure suffering' as part of getting tougher so that the sufferer can eventually beat the snot out of his tormentors. I've got a champion who started doing that sort of sermon and a lot less bullies came by to trash my churches."

"Might be worth a shot," admitted Ilmater. "Where could I find one?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" THWAM!

"That might be one," said Issek.

"Kind of young," said Ilmater.

"But tough," said Issek. "How many people do you know who could fall through multiple realities and slam face-first into a bowl of fish-planks and fries and only get a broken nose?"

"Well, maybe," said Ilmater uncertainly.

"He's also eating your dinner," said Issek.

"While unconscious? That's different," said Ilmater.

"I been hearin' you two talk," said the waitress. "Why not try this-"


Ranma stood, a five year old child, where he'd been left.

The fortress wasn't bad. It just wasn't what he'd expected. Of course, what he really had trouble with was:

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(Posted Thu, 17 Aug 2006 16:43)


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