“I’m glad you asked that,” said Dark General Yosamite Sam. “This week, we’ll be using this enlarging device we appropriated from the ACME Company’s Advanced Research Laboratories to upgrade a lucky youma into a kaiju.”
He turned and gestured widely at the apparatus. It was, quite obviously, jury-rigged from random junk and bits salvaged from other devices, and showed signs of hasty disassembly and reconstruction including a few blobs of chewing gum holding vital parts in place. Five mirrors were arranged at the corners of an uneven pentagon so that light from one would be reflected in a continuous circle. One of the mirrors had a seat set behind it, arranged so that an operator there could see through an eyepiece set in a hole through the mirror to the next mirror in the ring. Between those two mirrors was something all present recognised as a hand-held magnifying glass – for someone about a hundred feet tall. Between the magnifying glass and the operator’s mirror was a flap of board lying on the ground, hinged at one edge and connected at the other to a rope which ran up to a pulley on the ceiling and back down to hang next to the operator’s seat.
Yosamite Sam snapped back to the assembled youma. “So, anyone who wants to volunteer, take two steps forward!”
In due accordance with military tradition everywhere, all the youma took two steps backwards.
In due accordance with the laws of slapstick, many of the smaller (or, at least, shorter-legged) youma were behind larger youma, and about a third of the formation trampled on another third and fell over.
Ebonite looked at the piles of her comrades, and sighed in relief that none of them had been standing in front of her. Although small, her superabundance of long claws (not all of which emerged from her fingers) encouraged the larger more aggressive youma from trying to push her to the back where she couldn’t see the commander.
“Excellent!” declared the Dark General. “You want to be a little larger, hey? Perfectly understandable – I, too, know the burden of being short.” He sprang up into the chair, reaching for the rope. Then he noticed that the eyepiece was at least two feet above his nose. Scowling magnificently, he grabbed for a small level beside the chair, and began pumping on it vigorously. “Darn newfangled handraulic seat always too low…” he muttered. Then he barked, “Well? Get into position!” gesturing at the large cross on the floor between mirror and magnifying glass.
Ebonite looked around. Who had volunteered?
“Don’t just stand there like a ninny! Move!”
It occurred to her that she was the youma standing at the front of the crowd. She started to shake her head, taking another two steps back.
“Too late, you’ve been accepted for the program!” declared the Dark General, still pumping away. He pointed to a larger youma standing behind her. “You! Help the subject into position!” He reached up and grasped the eyepiece as he rose to the appropriate level. Experimentally, he tugged on the rope, causing the board to spring up on its hinges for a moment.
Ebonite, still backing away, found her progress arrested by the larger youma, whose hands were carefully placed on her back between the spikes along her spine. Then, as she continued to backpedal on the slippery marble, she moved forwards inexorably towards the big cross on the floor.
Yosamite Sam, peering through the eyepiece, saw the flailing figure of Ebonite pushed across the slippery floor. Her razor-like fingernails were the first part to pass behind the huge lens in the middle of the apparatus…
(Posted Wed, 14 Feb 2007 21:40)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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